I refuse to participate in a life of drama. I simply refuse. Because drama in one's life requires one to buy into it, to participate in it. And if you don't, then it can't become something bigger than it actually is. Right? It just deflates it all to "what is", distills it all down to the facts and nothing more.
The past week has been good - getting my emotional self back on an even keel, though still finding it very difficult to commit to nourishing myself with healthy food choices... lots of emotional eating while under stress - not the first time I've noticed this pattern, lol. I really need to exercise right now - I've been so slack and it's showing. But... it is what it is in this moment and the motivation is just not there yet. ;) No need to lay a guilt trip on myself eh. But at the same time as the week has been good, it's not without it's stress. And I'm just waiting for the grey cloud to pass and the sun to shine again - literally and also metaphorically.
In the meantime, I just keep focusing on the good. Everything happens for a reason and I don't pretend to understand the why behind a lot of what unfolds. I just don't know. But I do trust in Spirit/God/Goddess/Universal Loving Life Force/whatever-you-call-it that all that happens is for the greatest good of us all. Truly, I believe.
Sorry for the cryptic post (if it seems cryptic, that is, lol).
In Light and Love,
~n~
27 April 2010
21 April 2010
Learning to Laugh at Oneself
I've had an insightful week, though not without it's difficulties. Ahhh but that's how it works, isn't it - growth through pain, eh.
The pain side - I had PMS. At least, that's what I'm attributing my foul mood to. I no longer have any physical PMS symptoms, it's all emotional psychosis. Yep, psychosis. Some months worse than others, and no, I haven't figured out which months to avoid, LOL. "Could we just skip April this year?" But wow, talk about exploring the depths of despair as Anne Shirley calls it. Sure is deep, let me tell ya. Sad down there, too. And lonely.
The insights though? Like 100w lightbulbs goin' off in your head. Wow, seriously, I come across aloof in conversation sometimes?! SERIOUSLY?! What, like my mom?! Superficial, aloof, not completely caring about what the other person is telling me?!? Well, um, if I'm completely honest with myself, ya, I can see how that might be the case. But geez, here I feel like I'm the most intense, emotionally expressive person ever. I vaguely remember being admonished for being as such as a child, anyways. But not even dh felt I was intense. Maybe he's just used to me. LOL But to be told I come across as aloof? Must be a defence mechanism. I just don't want to get hurt. I realized that in the past decade+ living here, I've only had two very good friends in the neighbourhood, and both have moved away from the neighbourhood. There isn't anyone within walking distance that I can laugh/cry/reveal my soul to. The two friendships I did develop were beyond lovely. They were Divine. I didn't realize at first how I'd missed having a friend just down the block until suddenly she appeared. Then she was gone and I was so lonely. Then a new friend appeared and I remembered how awesome it was. Now she, too, has moved on. But they will remain in my hearts always. Both have been wonderful wonderful friends.
Oh, and I did figure out which months to avoid: the ones when dh is home during the week before my period. Hmph. Months when he's away during that time, the emotional destructiveness I spiral into is minimal. But when he's around? I, for reasons I do not understand, give myself permission to just unleash. And it's not pretty. Somehow we end up rehashing the rehashed, and it ends up in really deep sadness on my part. I'm just holding on soooooo hard to the past, to what will never be. Creating a whole lotta suffering on my part. Why?! WHY?!?!? I do not know. I pray to be released from the suffering. One day I will be ready to release my deathgrip on the past. I'll embrace the present and regain the sparkle and vitality and je-ne-sais-quois I know is lying dormant within. That little kick in my step. That flirtatiousness with life. I'll get it back. I know I will. It's just a matter of time. Time will heal. I'll never forget, but I can learn to embrace forgiveness, and I can move on. (I'm not there yet)
I also realized I've been neglecting my friends. I was feeling like my single friends wouldn't understand, my married friends wouldn't understand... well, I was generally feeling like I had no one to turn to. How wrong I was. Doesn't matter who I talk to, they *all* understand and empathize. They've all been blue. They've all got their own problems in their lives. And they're all more than willing to support me with mine. I *knew* I had the bestest friends in the world. I'd just forgotten to tell them how much they mean to me.
The past couple days, the phone calls and emails from friends have been such a gift. It's given me a chance to express how much their friendship means to me, how wonderfully strong I see them as. Truly, I saw myself as so insignificant and small next to the mighty challenges some have overcome and triumphed over. It meant so much to hear them say they, too, still have challenges and difficulties in their lives. They're human! They cry, they laugh, they emotionally unravel when their moon cycle's approaching... they need supportive friends, too. I was so glad to hear all that. Opening up to them honestly was so cathartic and healing.
I also realized I'm so seriously depressed and withdrawn and reclusive right now. The past six months have been so hard that way. A huge part is I've stopped exercising daily - I try to get back into it - I've tried about four times. I *will* get back into it, I know I will. So I'm just sitting here, gaining weight little by little, wondering when the motivation will kick in. Frankly, I'm starting to scare myself. What the heck am I doing?!?!? WHY can't I just do it already!
Which brings me to my last insight (for tonight anyways): I need goals. I need a vision. SOMETHING to get my focus off the past. I need to really visualize what I want my successful Reiki practice to look like - no, to feeeeeeel like. What's it feel like? What does a successful raw business look like? Coaching, classes, bulk food orders, growing & selling wheatgrass.... including promoting both businesses, how many hours a week am I working? What does it all feel like? And not just about work, but personally - what does my life look like? What am I willing to co-create, right now... because how I live right now is what my life will become in the future. And if I'm just sitting here spinning my wheels, well, I'll tell you right now, that's what I'll be doing a month, six months, two years from now. Stagnating. Spinning. Not moving forward. And when you get to the deepest point of your sorrow, you'll say "enough is enough!" And you'll find that reason to really embrace life.
The pain side - I had PMS. At least, that's what I'm attributing my foul mood to. I no longer have any physical PMS symptoms, it's all emotional psychosis. Yep, psychosis. Some months worse than others, and no, I haven't figured out which months to avoid, LOL. "Could we just skip April this year?" But wow, talk about exploring the depths of despair as Anne Shirley calls it. Sure is deep, let me tell ya. Sad down there, too. And lonely.
The insights though? Like 100w lightbulbs goin' off in your head. Wow, seriously, I come across aloof in conversation sometimes?! SERIOUSLY?! What, like my mom?! Superficial, aloof, not completely caring about what the other person is telling me?!? Well, um, if I'm completely honest with myself, ya, I can see how that might be the case. But geez, here I feel like I'm the most intense, emotionally expressive person ever. I vaguely remember being admonished for being as such as a child, anyways. But not even dh felt I was intense. Maybe he's just used to me. LOL But to be told I come across as aloof? Must be a defence mechanism. I just don't want to get hurt. I realized that in the past decade+ living here, I've only had two very good friends in the neighbourhood, and both have moved away from the neighbourhood. There isn't anyone within walking distance that I can laugh/cry/reveal my soul to. The two friendships I did develop were beyond lovely. They were Divine. I didn't realize at first how I'd missed having a friend just down the block until suddenly she appeared. Then she was gone and I was so lonely. Then a new friend appeared and I remembered how awesome it was. Now she, too, has moved on. But they will remain in my hearts always. Both have been wonderful wonderful friends.
Oh, and I did figure out which months to avoid: the ones when dh is home during the week before my period. Hmph. Months when he's away during that time, the emotional destructiveness I spiral into is minimal. But when he's around? I, for reasons I do not understand, give myself permission to just unleash. And it's not pretty. Somehow we end up rehashing the rehashed, and it ends up in really deep sadness on my part. I'm just holding on soooooo hard to the past, to what will never be. Creating a whole lotta suffering on my part. Why?! WHY?!?!? I do not know. I pray to be released from the suffering. One day I will be ready to release my deathgrip on the past. I'll embrace the present and regain the sparkle and vitality and je-ne-sais-quois I know is lying dormant within. That little kick in my step. That flirtatiousness with life. I'll get it back. I know I will. It's just a matter of time. Time will heal. I'll never forget, but I can learn to embrace forgiveness, and I can move on. (I'm not there yet)
I also realized I've been neglecting my friends. I was feeling like my single friends wouldn't understand, my married friends wouldn't understand... well, I was generally feeling like I had no one to turn to. How wrong I was. Doesn't matter who I talk to, they *all* understand and empathize. They've all been blue. They've all got their own problems in their lives. And they're all more than willing to support me with mine. I *knew* I had the bestest friends in the world. I'd just forgotten to tell them how much they mean to me.
The past couple days, the phone calls and emails from friends have been such a gift. It's given me a chance to express how much their friendship means to me, how wonderfully strong I see them as. Truly, I saw myself as so insignificant and small next to the mighty challenges some have overcome and triumphed over. It meant so much to hear them say they, too, still have challenges and difficulties in their lives. They're human! They cry, they laugh, they emotionally unravel when their moon cycle's approaching... they need supportive friends, too. I was so glad to hear all that. Opening up to them honestly was so cathartic and healing.
I also realized I'm so seriously depressed and withdrawn and reclusive right now. The past six months have been so hard that way. A huge part is I've stopped exercising daily - I try to get back into it - I've tried about four times. I *will* get back into it, I know I will. So I'm just sitting here, gaining weight little by little, wondering when the motivation will kick in. Frankly, I'm starting to scare myself. What the heck am I doing?!?!? WHY can't I just do it already!
Which brings me to my last insight (for tonight anyways): I need goals. I need a vision. SOMETHING to get my focus off the past. I need to really visualize what I want my successful Reiki practice to look like - no, to feeeeeeel like. What's it feel like? What does a successful raw business look like? Coaching, classes, bulk food orders, growing & selling wheatgrass.... including promoting both businesses, how many hours a week am I working? What does it all feel like? And not just about work, but personally - what does my life look like? What am I willing to co-create, right now... because how I live right now is what my life will become in the future. And if I'm just sitting here spinning my wheels, well, I'll tell you right now, that's what I'll be doing a month, six months, two years from now. Stagnating. Spinning. Not moving forward. And when you get to the deepest point of your sorrow, you'll say "enough is enough!" And you'll find that reason to really embrace life.
16 April 2010
Friday!
Sorry, neglected blog. Despite hours spent playing time management games, I apparently still have not mastered prioritizing my life. LOL
This week the children and I tackled their bedroom. Two days later, we emerged, triumphant! I kid you not; it was a two-day battle in there. We went through the "toy cupboard" and sorted all the toys. We went through the built-in bookshelf, culling their collection from 1,000 to less than half of that. We bagged up Fisher-Price into their original sets, and went through all their clothes. A full sorting was in order. One carload went to the consignment store (luckily I know the owner; there's normally a limit to how much you can drop off at once!!!) and one to the used bookstore and goodwill. It feels soooooooo clean and spacious in their room now. And they still have LOTS of stuff to play with. I feel like passing along all that they did has now given birth to empty space, which new, fresh energy will be invited in to. I am excited about the possibilities.
And on that note, I bought the winning Lotto Max ticket for tonight. $30 million. How do I already know it's the winning ticket? The clerk told me it was! ;) Not that money is the be-all-end-all, but honestly, I'm excited to share it with everyone!!
Apart from that, I spent some time in the glorious spring sunshine gardening, and hanging out laundry (*LOVE* doing that) and just generally enjoying life all 'round. Life is great!
This week the children and I tackled their bedroom. Two days later, we emerged, triumphant! I kid you not; it was a two-day battle in there. We went through the "toy cupboard" and sorted all the toys. We went through the built-in bookshelf, culling their collection from 1,000 to less than half of that. We bagged up Fisher-Price into their original sets, and went through all their clothes. A full sorting was in order. One carload went to the consignment store (luckily I know the owner; there's normally a limit to how much you can drop off at once!!!) and one to the used bookstore and goodwill. It feels soooooooo clean and spacious in their room now. And they still have LOTS of stuff to play with. I feel like passing along all that they did has now given birth to empty space, which new, fresh energy will be invited in to. I am excited about the possibilities.
And on that note, I bought the winning Lotto Max ticket for tonight. $30 million. How do I already know it's the winning ticket? The clerk told me it was! ;) Not that money is the be-all-end-all, but honestly, I'm excited to share it with everyone!!
Apart from that, I spent some time in the glorious spring sunshine gardening, and hanging out laundry (*LOVE* doing that) and just generally enjoying life all 'round. Life is great!
11 April 2010
Day 5 and... DONE!
Yesterday was Day 5 of the juicefeast, and the final day. Today I'm back on green smoothies, tomorrow it's back to raw food. This has been a great juicefeast. So nice to know you don't have to do only long fasts. Short ones are also beneficial. I think I'd like to do shorter ones more frequently in the future. I'd forgotten what a lovely clarity and feeling of lightness one attains when fasting, what high energy and vibrancy feel like. *BLISS*
Right now I am going to encourage the children to get out of their jammies and get us all up to the work party at the community hall - we're having a landscaping workparty up there today. The kids will be inspired by the free lunch, I'm sure! ;)
Enjoy your weekend, whatever it is you're doing.
Right now I am going to encourage the children to get out of their jammies and get us all up to the work party at the community hall - we're having a landscaping workparty up there today. The kids will be inspired by the free lunch, I'm sure! ;)
Enjoy your weekend, whatever it is you're doing.
10 April 2010
progress report
A very cold and business-like title for what has been anything but that kind of day. So day 2 of the juicefeast went super-well, as did Day 1. By Day 3 I was having some mild food cravings, but nothing unmanageable. Overnight, I dream of a fin whale swimming beside whatever I was on (pier? boat? I don't know). I have dreamt of whales in the past and one animal totem meaning I'd read about whales was about them bringing messages of personal growth (& emotional instability/growth)... I should've heeded the warning. ;) Not only was I dealing with seemingly overwhelming food cravings, I was soooooooooo emotional alllllll day. Horribly emotional. Especially when out in public. Bad timing to get emotional over every little thing. The day was pretty much a write-off in terms of being a productive person, yet on the other hand, was probably VERY productive in healing and releasing, so YAY! Oh, and btw, don't ever try and do your taxes in such a state of mind. Not a good time to tackle that. ;) I don't know where my "humour tumour" went today, but it apparently disappeared (inside joke, sorry).
So now we're going to say, "Good-bye, Day 4" with a cheery smile on our faces, and we'll sleep super-well, and wake up filled with vitality and a happy bounce in our step. We'll delight in all living creations, in the growth of the wheatgrass and the unfolding blossoms of the apple tree, and be filled with gratitude tomorrow. Life is good. Even when detoxing.
P.S. I have the *BEST* family anyone could ever ask for. Sooooooo supportive all day. Wonderfully loving. (((hugs))) Thanks, guys!
So now we're going to say, "Good-bye, Day 4" with a cheery smile on our faces, and we'll sleep super-well, and wake up filled with vitality and a happy bounce in our step. We'll delight in all living creations, in the growth of the wheatgrass and the unfolding blossoms of the apple tree, and be filled with gratitude tomorrow. Life is good. Even when detoxing.
P.S. I have the *BEST* family anyone could ever ask for. Sooooooo supportive all day. Wonderfully loving. (((hugs))) Thanks, guys!
07 April 2010
Day 1 of the 2010 Juicefeast
I am sooooooo happy. I made it through an entire day juicing. Yesterday I green smoothie'd, today I juiced. What a wonderful transition into feasting with the smoothies. Admittedly, I haven't made myself juice in a loooooooong time - maybe b/c of the thought that it takes too long or other such fluff. It doesn't take long. Uber-nonsense. In fact, today I even took the time to baking-soda scrub the juicer's parts and get them in near-new condition. It looks beautiful. :)
Today I ***LOVED***:
1 or maybe 1.5L of parlsey/carrot/apple/ginger
the water of a young coconut (12 oz)
another L of parsley/carrot/apple/ginger
a couple L of water
and a cup of lemon verbena tea
And I rowed 5 kms (~25 mins). And gave myself Reiki (((love))).
I feel like keeping a juice log might become repetitive... you see, I have a 25 lb bag of juicing carrots and a 38 lb box of juicing apples kickin' around, so you can see that the majority of juices will have those in them. Ginger is cheap and greens are easily found everywhere this time of year with spring growth 'n' such (parlsey/sorrel/dandelion greens/kale/etc.),
I'm not sure how long I'm going to feast for, right now I feel great ('though a little hungry). Just take it day by day. I kind of think I might keep this one fairly short; the main reason I want to feast right now is to (a) learn to come in and out of a fast properly and (b) yes, to lose weight and (c) to work through emotional food attachments and (d) as I mentioned yesterday, to rid my body of candida overgrowth and other imbalances I may have. I have a huge mindblock about feasting - thoughts like "it's so hard" and "it's only worth doing if you do it for a long time"... so I'd like to just prove otherwise to myself on both accounts. Last time I feasted was Sept 09 for the month and I admit I broke that feast in ENTIRELY the wrong way - in front of a buffet line on a cruise ship for 3 days. (YIKES) That may explain the ongoing candida issues, eh. Do what I say, not what I did, LOL.
Okay, please send me healing strength for tomorrow if you're so inclined. It will be very very gratefully accepted.
Much love,
~n~
Today I ***LOVED***:
1 or maybe 1.5L of parlsey/carrot/apple/ginger
the water of a young coconut (12 oz)
another L of parsley/carrot/apple/ginger
a couple L of water
and a cup of lemon verbena tea
And I rowed 5 kms (~25 mins). And gave myself Reiki (((love))).
I feel like keeping a juice log might become repetitive... you see, I have a 25 lb bag of juicing carrots and a 38 lb box of juicing apples kickin' around, so you can see that the majority of juices will have those in them. Ginger is cheap and greens are easily found everywhere this time of year with spring growth 'n' such (parlsey/sorrel/dandelion greens/kale/etc.),
I'm not sure how long I'm going to feast for, right now I feel great ('though a little hungry). Just take it day by day. I kind of think I might keep this one fairly short; the main reason I want to feast right now is to (a) learn to come in and out of a fast properly and (b) yes, to lose weight and (c) to work through emotional food attachments and (d) as I mentioned yesterday, to rid my body of candida overgrowth and other imbalances I may have. I have a huge mindblock about feasting - thoughts like "it's so hard" and "it's only worth doing if you do it for a long time"... so I'd like to just prove otherwise to myself on both accounts. Last time I feasted was Sept 09 for the month and I admit I broke that feast in ENTIRELY the wrong way - in front of a buffet line on a cruise ship for 3 days. (YIKES) That may explain the ongoing candida issues, eh. Do what I say, not what I did, LOL.
Okay, please send me healing strength for tomorrow if you're so inclined. It will be very very gratefully accepted.
Much love,
~n~
05 April 2010
Embrace... and Release
So I know this will be tmi for... well, actually, since I have 7 followers, maybe y'all can handle this... lol Lurkers, well, I take no responsibility if you faint from embarassment on my account.
Confession: Since September, when I did a 30-day juicefeast (and stopped exercising daily) I developed a candida overgrowth (aka yeast infection) which has on-and-off plagued my body since. It's been 7 months of what seems like the world's longest lasting infection. HORRIBLE. Actually, it hasn't been anywhere near continuous, it just seems that way. I have roseacea on my face, which, as I understand it, is a result of a candida/yeast/fungal overgrowth. I have a yeast infection, well, you know where, and I *know* what's causing it. I just haven't cut out the necessary culprits... being yeast and fruit. Although I eat a very high-raw diet, there are times (more frequently than I care to admit) that I reach for yeast-laden carbs: bread, anything carb-with-sugar... sighhhhhhh. I'd really like to pretend I don't, but it's the truth - if ever I eat something cooked, it's something bready (usually bready-with-sugar). Sometimes, when I'm just, well, weak... I eat carbs. And since September, it's like I'm going through a healing crisis. My body says: cut out the gosh-darned carbs already! And to make sure I understand, it then puts forth physical symptoms that I am more than aware of. And fruit, well, I'm more than willing to admit I *LOVE* fruit. Nothing makes me happier than a piece of fruit. (What's not to love? Whenever I'm wavering in my commitment to raw, fruit always wins me back. I love pretty much every fruit out there (durian being the exception) - all berries, bananas, citrus, tropical fruits, anything. love love LOVE it!
So today was a pretty bad yeasty day and it's not surprising - for breakfast I had 1L of smoothie: 2oz wheatgrass, 2 bananas, 1 orange, 1 yg coconut (water & meat) and 1 pineapple all blended together. It made nearly 2L so I shared half with the kids and then added the wheatgrass in (they don't care too much for wheatgrass smoothies). The sugars in the fruit did me in for the rest of the day. I went on to have 2L of green smoothie (parsley, banana, berries, kelp powder, maca powder, goji berries, spirulina, agave nectar and a few cacao nibs)... soooooo delicious, but well, I don't know. I had drank both by 3 p.m. and drank water the rest of the day, yet still experienced extreme heat within the face - super-flushed cheeks & nose, in the typical pattern for me. And lately we've been consuming fruit salads for breakfast like they're going out of style, too. And my kids *love* fruit as much as I do, so they're always snacking on it. And when it comes to a snack, nothing says snack food like fruit. Quick to prepare, travels well, and soooooo good!!! (I'm not doing a very good job weaning myself emotionally from fruit here, am I)
But now, I sense the time has come for me to lay off the fruit already. I've been raw 2 YEARS this month (I can't believe it myself) and I am really feeling the need for a spring cleanse. I'm hoping to reignite the passion for dark leafy greens, find balance within.
It's funny how my dietary desires have changed the past 2 yrs... like many raw foodies I wanted entire meals when I first embarked... fancy entrees that took lots of preparation, but we're reminiscient of cooked meals I loved. I've slowly moved towards much simpler fare - I can't remember the last time I made something complicated or time-consuming. Mostly I can live on green smoothies and some soaked nuts & fruit, maybe a chia pudding or bowl of raw muesli & nut milk... I've fasted twice - once for 45 days and then for 30 days. And it was TREMENDOUS both times in terms of finding a wonderful balance within.
Ohhh, I really need to see that giving up fruit isn't a giving up, it's a gift to my body. Honouring that it no longer needs the sugar overload fruit brings. It may be that the yeast-laden carbs are doing more damage than I have focused on here, in which case abstaining from both for a while would be wise. Let's just start with the bread-y foods and then see the fruit go.
So today I embrace where my body is at on this journey. Embrace the candida. Love the candida for the message it provides. And now, RELEASE the candida. You can move on, little ones. There's no need for you here anymore. Your message has been received and I thank you for bringing me into greater awareness of my body on this journey to pristine health. I *love* you, little yeasties. Now go; your work here is done!!
Confession: Since September, when I did a 30-day juicefeast (and stopped exercising daily) I developed a candida overgrowth (aka yeast infection) which has on-and-off plagued my body since. It's been 7 months of what seems like the world's longest lasting infection. HORRIBLE. Actually, it hasn't been anywhere near continuous, it just seems that way. I have roseacea on my face, which, as I understand it, is a result of a candida/yeast/fungal overgrowth. I have a yeast infection, well, you know where, and I *know* what's causing it. I just haven't cut out the necessary culprits... being yeast and fruit. Although I eat a very high-raw diet, there are times (more frequently than I care to admit) that I reach for yeast-laden carbs: bread, anything carb-with-sugar... sighhhhhhh. I'd really like to pretend I don't, but it's the truth - if ever I eat something cooked, it's something bready (usually bready-with-sugar). Sometimes, when I'm just, well, weak... I eat carbs. And since September, it's like I'm going through a healing crisis. My body says: cut out the gosh-darned carbs already! And to make sure I understand, it then puts forth physical symptoms that I am more than aware of. And fruit, well, I'm more than willing to admit I *LOVE* fruit. Nothing makes me happier than a piece of fruit. (What's not to love? Whenever I'm wavering in my commitment to raw, fruit always wins me back. I love pretty much every fruit out there (durian being the exception) - all berries, bananas, citrus, tropical fruits, anything. love love LOVE it!
So today was a pretty bad yeasty day and it's not surprising - for breakfast I had 1L of smoothie: 2oz wheatgrass, 2 bananas, 1 orange, 1 yg coconut (water & meat) and 1 pineapple all blended together. It made nearly 2L so I shared half with the kids and then added the wheatgrass in (they don't care too much for wheatgrass smoothies). The sugars in the fruit did me in for the rest of the day. I went on to have 2L of green smoothie (parsley, banana, berries, kelp powder, maca powder, goji berries, spirulina, agave nectar and a few cacao nibs)... soooooo delicious, but well, I don't know. I had drank both by 3 p.m. and drank water the rest of the day, yet still experienced extreme heat within the face - super-flushed cheeks & nose, in the typical pattern for me. And lately we've been consuming fruit salads for breakfast like they're going out of style, too. And my kids *love* fruit as much as I do, so they're always snacking on it. And when it comes to a snack, nothing says snack food like fruit. Quick to prepare, travels well, and soooooo good!!! (I'm not doing a very good job weaning myself emotionally from fruit here, am I)
But now, I sense the time has come for me to lay off the fruit already. I've been raw 2 YEARS this month (I can't believe it myself) and I am really feeling the need for a spring cleanse. I'm hoping to reignite the passion for dark leafy greens, find balance within.
It's funny how my dietary desires have changed the past 2 yrs... like many raw foodies I wanted entire meals when I first embarked... fancy entrees that took lots of preparation, but we're reminiscient of cooked meals I loved. I've slowly moved towards much simpler fare - I can't remember the last time I made something complicated or time-consuming. Mostly I can live on green smoothies and some soaked nuts & fruit, maybe a chia pudding or bowl of raw muesli & nut milk... I've fasted twice - once for 45 days and then for 30 days. And it was TREMENDOUS both times in terms of finding a wonderful balance within.
Ohhh, I really need to see that giving up fruit isn't a giving up, it's a gift to my body. Honouring that it no longer needs the sugar overload fruit brings. It may be that the yeast-laden carbs are doing more damage than I have focused on here, in which case abstaining from both for a while would be wise. Let's just start with the bread-y foods and then see the fruit go.
So today I embrace where my body is at on this journey. Embrace the candida. Love the candida for the message it provides. And now, RELEASE the candida. You can move on, little ones. There's no need for you here anymore. Your message has been received and I thank you for bringing me into greater awareness of my body on this journey to pristine health. I *love* you, little yeasties. Now go; your work here is done!!
03 April 2010
off-grid
had a wicked windstorm rip through after about a full week of heavy rains. the winds lasted for 2 full days. intense! so we're out of power this weekend (day 2)... 'though it should be on by evening. also without phone & internet, which is a bummer. called repair & they said we'll have it repaired by may 6th. ha ha ha ha ha 33 days without phone or internet?! ;) i *suspect* they'll have it repaired much sooner as it's not just us, it's the entire community without service. and the funniest part is that we get no cell reception at our house; we have to get ourselves 3 kms up the hill to get any reception. so this morning, calling repair on my cell, there were no less than 5 other neighbours all there on their cell phones as well.
so just in case you don't hear from me for a bit, that's what'sup.
happy easter! (Around here the Easter Bunny brings organic strawberries, organic medjools, and a few raw chocolates, and yes, a few store-bought chocolates that the grandparents purchased. The kids are super good at putting the junky stuff in the freezer; they still have Hallowe'en candy, and it's not unusual for it to last all year. no, they don't trick-or-treat to a thousand houses, LMAO, they only go to between 5 & 10, so to get your candy to last all year is quite a feat!)
UPDATE: power, phone (& therefore internet; we're on dial-up) all restored within hours of this post. *MUCH* sooner than the 36 days the repair rep said on the phone.
so just in case you don't hear from me for a bit, that's what'sup.
happy easter! (Around here the Easter Bunny brings organic strawberries, organic medjools, and a few raw chocolates, and yes, a few store-bought chocolates that the grandparents purchased. The kids are super good at putting the junky stuff in the freezer; they still have Hallowe'en candy, and it's not unusual for it to last all year. no, they don't trick-or-treat to a thousand houses, LMAO, they only go to between 5 & 10, so to get your candy to last all year is quite a feat!)
UPDATE: power, phone (& therefore internet; we're on dial-up) all restored within hours of this post. *MUCH* sooner than the 36 days the repair rep said on the phone.
01 April 2010
April?! Seriously?!
poor neglected blog, lol... and here we are in april already. yeesh. well, for an update: things are well. march has seemed INCREDIBLY long and towards the end i admittedly started becoming a little unglued. i counted the other night and dh has only been home for 6 nights the entire month; toooooooo much work for him. we're all feeling the effects of a daddy-working-overtime. (the dog follows me around the house like a shadow, for example)
our neighbours (& best friends) moved yesterday, sadly. we've become such good friends, and this is the third time in this neighbourhood I've had a neighbour/friend move away. (booo) While she was trying to move, I had her youngest here for 10 hrs and the next youngest over for 2 hrs (there's 6 kids in all, the 4 youngest of whom live with her). She's probably STILL cleaning. She is SUCH a trooper; I have a HUGE amount of respect for what she's going/gone through... I can not imagine trying to move a household that large by myself as the only adult.
i'm completely unprepared for Easter weekend. i think at nearly 10 that ds has nearly outgrown the egg hunt, but at 6, dd has definitely not. it's a rather hum-drum weekend in that it's just the kids & i, no big easter dinner planned, and we're house & dog sitting as well. the easter bunny usually fills the eggs with small coins, nuts and raisins and medjool dates and dried apricots and a few chocolates. i'm hoping i'll get a chance to pick up an easter chocolate mold and make some raw chocolates rather than buying any. i *love* raw chocolate!!!
we ordered day-old chicks today (that will arrive mid-may). 2 brown & 12 white babies... pretty exciting!!! :D
we got a new-to-us trampoline last week for freeeeeee!!! we purchased new safety pads that go over the springs, but other than that it's in great shape, considering we're the third family to have it (and it must be close to a decade old, i'd guess). it is welllllllll used and extra bouncy (the kids love it). personally i haven't been on a trampoline in about 15 years, and now i realize there's a reason for that. without all the details, let's just say my pelvic floor is *not* what it used to be. hopefully bouncing (gently) will help. i've been reluctant to have surgery done, especially as i remain foolishly-and-stubbornly-optimistic and hopeful that one day i'll birth more children, so why not wait 'til that's all over and done with first...
i've been reading book 6 of the ringing cedars series, the book of kin. i'm now reading them out of order b/c they're coming in on interlibrary loans, so i just have to read whatever arrives first. still, i can not get over how life-affirming this series is. it intuitively is so very harmonic deep within.
i'm trying to really promote my passions - both reiki and raw food - locally. i've begun putting it out there in earnest that these are my passions and i'm happy to share. i've spent quite a bit of time talking it out to the universe, working on a vision for what a balanced life will look like, and it's coming together at a gentle pace, which is perfect for me.
so yep, life is grand and spring has definitely arrived. wednesday it was raining but still with a very warm sun shining down, creating steam on the roof in between rain bursts. ahhhh, spring!
our neighbours (& best friends) moved yesterday, sadly. we've become such good friends, and this is the third time in this neighbourhood I've had a neighbour/friend move away. (booo) While she was trying to move, I had her youngest here for 10 hrs and the next youngest over for 2 hrs (there's 6 kids in all, the 4 youngest of whom live with her). She's probably STILL cleaning. She is SUCH a trooper; I have a HUGE amount of respect for what she's going/gone through... I can not imagine trying to move a household that large by myself as the only adult.
i'm completely unprepared for Easter weekend. i think at nearly 10 that ds has nearly outgrown the egg hunt, but at 6, dd has definitely not. it's a rather hum-drum weekend in that it's just the kids & i, no big easter dinner planned, and we're house & dog sitting as well. the easter bunny usually fills the eggs with small coins, nuts and raisins and medjool dates and dried apricots and a few chocolates. i'm hoping i'll get a chance to pick up an easter chocolate mold and make some raw chocolates rather than buying any. i *love* raw chocolate!!!
we ordered day-old chicks today (that will arrive mid-may). 2 brown & 12 white babies... pretty exciting!!! :D
we got a new-to-us trampoline last week for freeeeeee!!! we purchased new safety pads that go over the springs, but other than that it's in great shape, considering we're the third family to have it (and it must be close to a decade old, i'd guess). it is welllllllll used and extra bouncy (the kids love it). personally i haven't been on a trampoline in about 15 years, and now i realize there's a reason for that. without all the details, let's just say my pelvic floor is *not* what it used to be. hopefully bouncing (gently) will help. i've been reluctant to have surgery done, especially as i remain foolishly-and-stubbornly-optimistic and hopeful that one day i'll birth more children, so why not wait 'til that's all over and done with first...
i've been reading book 6 of the ringing cedars series, the book of kin. i'm now reading them out of order b/c they're coming in on interlibrary loans, so i just have to read whatever arrives first. still, i can not get over how life-affirming this series is. it intuitively is so very harmonic deep within.
i'm trying to really promote my passions - both reiki and raw food - locally. i've begun putting it out there in earnest that these are my passions and i'm happy to share. i've spent quite a bit of time talking it out to the universe, working on a vision for what a balanced life will look like, and it's coming together at a gentle pace, which is perfect for me.
so yep, life is grand and spring has definitely arrived. wednesday it was raining but still with a very warm sun shining down, creating steam on the roof in between rain bursts. ahhhh, spring!
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