Sleep is such a wonderful healer. Go to bed crying and wake up refreshed, anew. I feel sooooooooo much better today. Because I have a plan. ;) Something worth working towards, ya know. Nothing like that to pick yourself up. That, and friends to hold your hand, to send healing energy and loving thoughts your way, to remind you that life's not all doom and gloom ('though in that moment it sure seems like it, eh).
So today I am focused and motivated. I dreamt of flash floods in the creek in our yard - the house remained very stable and safe but i was standing on the edge of the creek when i heard the water coming from upstream and i realized quickly to back away from the danger. it was a neat dream - to not be frightened by the danger, but feel very calm and knowing what to do, knowing the house was safe.
Watching Beezus & Ramona with the kids yesterday reminded me of how much I was like Ramona when I was a kid. High energy, high emotions, just generally INTENSE, and apparently that's not a good thing. LOL I laugh about it because I'm still like that, but make a concerted effort to remember that the emotional storms that come through will pass easily enough without me letting them get the better of me; emotions don't REQUIRE any response from me. ;) But sometimes I still think I'm a bit of an emotional basket case (mostly around my moon flow, as any woman can well-relate to).
Yesterday's emotional upsettedness was compounded by the refined sugar and wheat I'd consumed. Today I'm focused on my health, re-committed to raw food. I've struggled the past 4 yrs, having my maca powder and goji berries next to Pop Tarts and other 'foods'. It's hard to sit at a table, sharing a meal, when others are eating pizza or garlic bread or other things like that. I have sometimes thought it'd be so much easier to be raw if everyone else around me was, too, or if I was a hermit and lived alone. But alas, that's not realistic to expect. Everyone's on their own journey, and I'd like to be able to give them the space to eat whatever they like around me, so that they might hold that space for me, too. And i'm not likely to become a hermit anytime soon. LMAO
I just wanted to post today and say thanks, thanks for boosting me up. The irony of the blog's title "Loving life and laughing" and the post "in the depths of despair" was not lost on me... this morning. ;)
Namaste
30 August 2010
29 August 2010
Just like Anne, 'in the depths of despair'
If you saw someone you knew who was a recovering addict engaging in their addictive behaviour (alcoholic sitting at a bar swilling a pint, drug user shooting up, and so on), how would that make you feel? Would you act? Would you feel pity, shake your head, and know your well-intentioned words would be wasted? Would you say, "Well, there's always tomorrow." Seriously, how does one handle this situation?
I ask, because the past 11 months now have been my relapse. I just don't know what's going on. I am *mostly* raw but certainly not to the extent I *had* been, not to the extent I *want* to be. My daily exercise habit has become such a struggle. I've put on weight and had two joint injuries. Overall, I feel crappy. very very crappy.
I could go on, but you get the picture. I lack balance and meaningful goals. I'm opting out of living consciously, trying to medicate myself with SAD foods because of the emotional baggage that surfaced during the feast last September. I want to share more, but even here and now, I hold myself back, typing and editing this post repeatedly, wondering how much of myself I dare to share.
Honestly, when am I going to hit that low?!? When will I find it in me to recommit to my health?! What's it gonna take? 'Cuz this SUCKS, this place I've created for myself. It sucks and I've no one to hold responsible but my self... and that in itself is one more reason it sucks so much. (LOL)
Please... just hold me in your thoughts. Send me some loving healing energy if you feel urged to. I will gratefully let my self be supported by your Love. After all, I realize I'm not alone in my sorrow. This whole relapse is so tellingly human. Have you ever had the experience of being held aloft by others' hands? It's humbling. To trust others enough to let yourself be vulnerable in their presence. So here I sit... feeling very vulnerable.
And how did I go from my earlier post below to this... all within one day?!?
I ask, because the past 11 months now have been my relapse. I just don't know what's going on. I am *mostly* raw but certainly not to the extent I *had* been, not to the extent I *want* to be. My daily exercise habit has become such a struggle. I've put on weight and had two joint injuries. Overall, I feel crappy. very very crappy.
I could go on, but you get the picture. I lack balance and meaningful goals. I'm opting out of living consciously, trying to medicate myself with SAD foods because of the emotional baggage that surfaced during the feast last September. I want to share more, but even here and now, I hold myself back, typing and editing this post repeatedly, wondering how much of myself I dare to share.
Honestly, when am I going to hit that low?!? When will I find it in me to recommit to my health?! What's it gonna take? 'Cuz this SUCKS, this place I've created for myself. It sucks and I've no one to hold responsible but my self... and that in itself is one more reason it sucks so much. (LOL)
Please... just hold me in your thoughts. Send me some loving healing energy if you feel urged to. I will gratefully let my self be supported by your Love. After all, I realize I'm not alone in my sorrow. This whole relapse is so tellingly human. Have you ever had the experience of being held aloft by others' hands? It's humbling. To trust others enough to let yourself be vulnerable in their presence. So here I sit... feeling very vulnerable.
And how did I go from my earlier post below to this... all within one day?!?
My children's learning consultant has a wonderful way of connecting them to observe their Selves as they go about their days. She engages them in conversations that simply ask them to recount their senses throughout the week - what did you hear this week which was a new or memorable sound? And so on... It's a great way to become more present & mindful in this moment. So I thought I'd borrow it here.
In this moment,
- I feel my daughter's breath gently warming my arm, feel her feet against my leg, as she sleeps quietly beside me. We lie snuggling, curled up under a warm blanket.
- I hear a chicken clucking and the occasional crowing from Lucky, the rooster. I hear one of the dogs breathing as she sleeps across the room. Faintly I hear the waves rolling in on the beach.
- I smell the fresh, cool morning air coming in the window screen.
- I look out the window and am glad to live here. Out every window I am greeted by Nature. The sunlight is filtered through the forest of trees in the yard - cedars, firs, alders. Yesterday we saw a little yellow canary bird flitting from branch to branch in a cedar tree.
Life is good. Very good. I am filled with gratitude for the abundant blessings I am surrounded by.
In this moment,
- I feel my daughter's breath gently warming my arm, feel her feet against my leg, as she sleeps quietly beside me. We lie snuggling, curled up under a warm blanket.
- I hear a chicken clucking and the occasional crowing from Lucky, the rooster. I hear one of the dogs breathing as she sleeps across the room. Faintly I hear the waves rolling in on the beach.
- I smell the fresh, cool morning air coming in the window screen.
- I look out the window and am glad to live here. Out every window I am greeted by Nature. The sunlight is filtered through the forest of trees in the yard - cedars, firs, alders. Yesterday we saw a little yellow canary bird flitting from branch to branch in a cedar tree.
Life is good. Very good. I am filled with gratitude for the abundant blessings I am surrounded by.
27 August 2010
The Here, The Now
This moment is the here and now of your life. There is no past, no future. There is only the *now*. Spending this moment remembering the past, daydreaming about the future - these are ways of escaping the moment that is... the here... the now. Why do we do it? Why do we try and escape the present moment? Why do we struggle - why do we CREATE struggle in our lives? What on earth do we get out of it?!
I wanna know why we don't love ourselves wholly, with every fiber of our being, with every thought, with every breath. WHY do we instead choose to live unconscious lives - making what we KNOW are poor choices - whether it be in food, in relationships, in financial matters, in our choice of employment, in how we spend our leisure time - when we KNOW we can do better - that we *deserve* and are *worthy* of better?
Why do we do it? Why is self-love not happening?! To be so disconnected from Source, from Spirit. Forgetting that we are interconnected, that we are all One. The little boy who kicked his mother in the shin in Wal-Mart? He was you. She was you. You observing was you. The person who was in such a hurry behind you in traffic that they passed on a double-yellow line on a blind corner? That was you, too. The chicken/cow/pig your family ate for dinner?
Hard sometimes to remember to send loving energy, to the others present, and to yourself. Hard to say to yourself, geez, it's not easy watching this unfold - a reflection of those times when I'm not fully present, not fully connected to Source. It hurts to see that reflected back at me. And so I know just how these people are hurting in this moment.
I'm going to go out on a vegan limb here and say that when we, as humans, consume animal flesh, the only way we can do it is to do it unconsciously, to *not* spend that moment associating where that 'food' came from - not remembering the life that was given so we could eat. I don't think people would eat meat as often as they do if that were the case, if each time they ate meat it was like attending a funeral. Same with consuming dairy. I don't think people would enjoy their cheese or milk as much if they were accutely involved with or intimately aware of its production... that a mother cow gave birth, that her calf was taken from her too early, that the milk her body was producing specifically for the natural growth of that calf was pumped through a tube and processed and packaged and so on... Even if you get your flesh products from a local, organic, free-range source... how do you justify the killing of a sentient being for your own 'pleasure'?
But I'm digressing something terrible here ('though maybe you needed to hear that whole rant, so I'm not about to edit it out!)...
Where is self-love in our lives? I want to know how you choose to live consciously - what things are you doing to help you stay connected to Source, to others?
When I hang laundry, I get it. I get that I'm doing it for the environment, for all the little critters and insects and for the Earth herself. I know that I'm doing it for my family - simply for the freshness of line-dried clothing. For saving energy. It is such a blissful 'chore'.
A simple life, devoid of gossip, devoid of bling, devoid of all the unnecessary fluff and material wealth - but rich in rewards too numerous to describe - is where I find self-Love, where I love my self the most. Not in putting on make-up so that I hide under a mask of concealer and powder and unnatural colours, not in wearing the trendiest clothes, not in being the hippest kid on the block. But in hanging laundry. In caring for the chickens, cats, and dogs. In playing paper dolls, in going on bike rides, in watching my kids on the swingset. In eating foods that are unadulterated, organic, fresh, raw, living, pure. In practising tai chi. In gardening. This is where I feel the most Love.
I confess, I've slipped up something terribly this past year. I've pressed that *disconnect* button sooooooo many times. Just let me escape the present moment. Let me escape!!!!! I'm not even sure why. But I can tell you this: in this moment, I love me. I love where I am, and how I got here, and this wonderful journey I am on - even though I am not enamoured with the physical reflection of my self right now, I am changing that in this moment. I love my self wholly, unconditionally, with every fiber of my being, with every thought, and with every breath.
I wanna know why we don't love ourselves wholly, with every fiber of our being, with every thought, with every breath. WHY do we instead choose to live unconscious lives - making what we KNOW are poor choices - whether it be in food, in relationships, in financial matters, in our choice of employment, in how we spend our leisure time - when we KNOW we can do better - that we *deserve* and are *worthy* of better?
Why do we do it? Why is self-love not happening?! To be so disconnected from Source, from Spirit. Forgetting that we are interconnected, that we are all One. The little boy who kicked his mother in the shin in Wal-Mart? He was you. She was you. You observing was you. The person who was in such a hurry behind you in traffic that they passed on a double-yellow line on a blind corner? That was you, too. The chicken/cow/pig your family ate for dinner?
Hard sometimes to remember to send loving energy, to the others present, and to yourself. Hard to say to yourself, geez, it's not easy watching this unfold - a reflection of those times when I'm not fully present, not fully connected to Source. It hurts to see that reflected back at me. And so I know just how these people are hurting in this moment.
I'm going to go out on a vegan limb here and say that when we, as humans, consume animal flesh, the only way we can do it is to do it unconsciously, to *not* spend that moment associating where that 'food' came from - not remembering the life that was given so we could eat. I don't think people would eat meat as often as they do if that were the case, if each time they ate meat it was like attending a funeral. Same with consuming dairy. I don't think people would enjoy their cheese or milk as much if they were accutely involved with or intimately aware of its production... that a mother cow gave birth, that her calf was taken from her too early, that the milk her body was producing specifically for the natural growth of that calf was pumped through a tube and processed and packaged and so on... Even if you get your flesh products from a local, organic, free-range source... how do you justify the killing of a sentient being for your own 'pleasure'?
But I'm digressing something terrible here ('though maybe you needed to hear that whole rant, so I'm not about to edit it out!)...
Where is self-love in our lives? I want to know how you choose to live consciously - what things are you doing to help you stay connected to Source, to others?
When I hang laundry, I get it. I get that I'm doing it for the environment, for all the little critters and insects and for the Earth herself. I know that I'm doing it for my family - simply for the freshness of line-dried clothing. For saving energy. It is such a blissful 'chore'.
A simple life, devoid of gossip, devoid of bling, devoid of all the unnecessary fluff and material wealth - but rich in rewards too numerous to describe - is where I find self-Love, where I love my self the most. Not in putting on make-up so that I hide under a mask of concealer and powder and unnatural colours, not in wearing the trendiest clothes, not in being the hippest kid on the block. But in hanging laundry. In caring for the chickens, cats, and dogs. In playing paper dolls, in going on bike rides, in watching my kids on the swingset. In eating foods that are unadulterated, organic, fresh, raw, living, pure. In practising tai chi. In gardening. This is where I feel the most Love.
I confess, I've slipped up something terribly this past year. I've pressed that *disconnect* button sooooooo many times. Just let me escape the present moment. Let me escape!!!!! I'm not even sure why. But I can tell you this: in this moment, I love me. I love where I am, and how I got here, and this wonderful journey I am on - even though I am not enamoured with the physical reflection of my self right now, I am changing that in this moment. I love my self wholly, unconditionally, with every fiber of my being, with every thought, and with every breath.
19 August 2010
Barnyards & Backyards
I have found a kindred spirit over at Barnyards & Backyards. Others actually exist, who, like me, enjoy just spending time watching their animal friends!!! (very reassuring) I confess, I spend more time with our chickens than I probably ought to. I just sit and watch them. Which is why I noticed one hen who appeared uncomfortable. A little research indicates she might be 'egg-bound' - i.e. have a traffic jam in her oviduct. There *appears* to be an egg (or two?) stuck in there. Just the thought makes me uncomfortable. I put on the gloves and tried to lubricate the vent/oviduct with mineral oil (the book said to, lmao) and now have her under a heat lamp to try to coax things back to normal. She seems ticked with me for putting her in confinement under the lamp. And who knows, *maybe* this is normal for her? 'Though I don't think so. I guess it's wait and see how she does. Frankly, the book frightened me when it said the condition was 'sometimes fatal'. I don't want to lose a hen over this.
Oh, and in case you were counting, we're at 26 birds:
1 Auracana rooster
10 year-old red Sussex hens
2 eleven-week old Brown leghorns
11 eleven-week old White leghorns
1 five-week old Sussex/Auracana cross rooster
1 five-week old Sussex/Auracana cross hen
~farmer nic~
Oh, and in case you were counting, we're at 26 birds:
1 Auracana rooster
10 year-old red Sussex hens
2 eleven-week old Brown leghorns
11 eleven-week old White leghorns
1 five-week old Sussex/Auracana cross rooster
1 five-week old Sussex/Auracana cross hen
~farmer nic~
05 August 2010
august
feels like august is slipping away, yet it's only the 5th. it's been busy.
i've been drawing up plans for the farm on the other property. big plans. i'm such an aquarian. :P i'm very excited to be going on a farm tour of 12 local organic farms this sunday - i'll take pics. :) it'll be so inspiring. first things first, though, i need a proper fence round the field. priority.
today was a housework day. i ended up spot cleaning the carpets (why oh WHY did we ever decide on carpets?!?) b/c the dog had a very nasty night after a steak bone. poor doggie. she spent the day outside, lying on the deck, not in obvious pain but obviously not in optimum health, either. poor thing. she's sleeping outside tonight on her nice soft cedar-chip bed (on the top deck, where she's safe from big animals, lol). so yes, spent most of the day cleaning... in my pjs. (truth)
tai chi tonight, which was so nice. felt good to move. went to chiro yesterday and the shoulder and knee are definitely on the mend. will go to physio again tomorrow and make more progress. more than anything, though, i need to get back into the daily exercise habit. THAT's what's going to make a huge difference.
i can feel myself building up to another fall juice feast. it's there, festering away in the back of my mind. i'm thinking that early october would be a nice time to start, and how long? oh, at least 30 days, maybe as many as 108. we'll see. one day - one moment - at a time.
reading David Wolfe's Eating for Beauty, which honestly, i didn't think i'd like, but i do. reason i didn't think i'd like it? well, i've always eschewed our social notions of external beauty... i was the teen who may have worn make-up but also wondered wth women in our society felt the need to. if men didn't, then why should women. that's always been my feeling around it. but now i'm reading this and realizing beauty isn't about make-up or earrings or getting dressed up. no no NOOOOOOOO beauty is inside - it's something intrinsic, something internal... that spark, that glitter in the eye, the vibrancy and magnetic attraction people possess... and that's something very internal. which is why i'm really digging david's book - he focuses on what this something is, and how to get it (eating raw foods! YAY!!!), which is renewing my commitment to raw food.
it's been a while since i've shared my food intake. i haven't been writing it down (me bad).
today i gifted myself with:
i've been drawing up plans for the farm on the other property. big plans. i'm such an aquarian. :P i'm very excited to be going on a farm tour of 12 local organic farms this sunday - i'll take pics. :) it'll be so inspiring. first things first, though, i need a proper fence round the field. priority.
today was a housework day. i ended up spot cleaning the carpets (why oh WHY did we ever decide on carpets?!?) b/c the dog had a very nasty night after a steak bone. poor doggie. she spent the day outside, lying on the deck, not in obvious pain but obviously not in optimum health, either. poor thing. she's sleeping outside tonight on her nice soft cedar-chip bed (on the top deck, where she's safe from big animals, lol). so yes, spent most of the day cleaning... in my pjs. (truth)
tai chi tonight, which was so nice. felt good to move. went to chiro yesterday and the shoulder and knee are definitely on the mend. will go to physio again tomorrow and make more progress. more than anything, though, i need to get back into the daily exercise habit. THAT's what's going to make a huge difference.
i can feel myself building up to another fall juice feast. it's there, festering away in the back of my mind. i'm thinking that early october would be a nice time to start, and how long? oh, at least 30 days, maybe as many as 108. we'll see. one day - one moment - at a time.
reading David Wolfe's Eating for Beauty, which honestly, i didn't think i'd like, but i do. reason i didn't think i'd like it? well, i've always eschewed our social notions of external beauty... i was the teen who may have worn make-up but also wondered wth women in our society felt the need to. if men didn't, then why should women. that's always been my feeling around it. but now i'm reading this and realizing beauty isn't about make-up or earrings or getting dressed up. no no NOOOOOOOO beauty is inside - it's something intrinsic, something internal... that spark, that glitter in the eye, the vibrancy and magnetic attraction people possess... and that's something very internal. which is why i'm really digging david's book - he focuses on what this something is, and how to get it (eating raw foods! YAY!!!), which is renewing my commitment to raw food.
it's been a while since i've shared my food intake. i haven't been writing it down (me bad).
today i gifted myself with:
- about 6 delicious nectarines. (lol, yes, true)
- 1 oz raw chocolate with nibs & goji berries & chlorella powder in it
- 2/3 L smoothie (chlorella, bananas, berries, maca, gojis, hemp seeds, bee pollen, kelp flakes, agave)
- lots of water with lime (probably 3L)
- a bowl of raw muesli (1 generous cup) with a banana cut up on top and raw almond milk
- 1/2 c raw trail mix (macadamias, walnuts, cashews, pumpkin, sunflower, raisin, cranberry, shredded coconut)
- 3 or 4 kalmata olives
hmmmm, missing vegetables nearly entirely. mostly fruit & nuts/seeds. that's okay. tomorrow i'll make up for it. ;)
blessings to you this glorious day, kindred spirit!
01 August 2010
Random, rambling thoughts...
Hard to believe it's August already! Mid-summer is almost here (~August 5th, in case you were wondering). So far summer has had its hot moments, but July proved to be foggy around here; hopefully August isn't quite so.
I thinned the raspberry canes out tonight; hope next year we get *LOTS* of berries. This year has been so weird in terms of food. We just didn't get enough rain (or snow) last winter, and the water tables must be low because the plants are just not producing fruit. The huckleberries are in such a sad state. Bears are a problem, not just in our area, but all over the island. We are getting daily email warnings about 'problem bears'. One even climbed inside someone's car nearby through the sunroof to get a candy bar wrapper! (I saw the muddy paw prints on the car myself) Possibly the same one walked off with a full garbage can. I hate to think what will happen to the bear if the conservation officer has to deal with it. Habituated bears are dead bears around here; relocation is not used once the bear has been habituated to human habitat. Conservation officers are only going out on calls right now where the bear has "gone in the house".... LITERALLY. No thanks. I don't need a bear INSIDE my house. No need to replay Goldilocks, thanks. I think the bears are making themselves visible this year because not only the changing seasonal weather patterns (meaning less food), but also possibly because we might be in for a real nasty winter? I would be more than happy to be wrong on that one, though!! (Note to self: get more firewood in, and SOON! And plant that winter garden!!!)
I've been thinking of painting on a wall in the kitchen:
"Food is Sacred
From Seed to Harvest,
Through Preparation and Serving,
With every bite we eat."
...why paint this on the wall? To bring more conscious awareness and connection to our food, for my own benefit. Sometimes its just so hard to remember. But that's no longer a good-enough excuse. If we are to truly love our selves, then it becomes so important that we make that connection between the food we are putting into our bodies and how we feel afterwards, both physically and spiritually. Grow, harvest, and prepare your food with *love*. Serve it to others with a giving heart. Eat with a grateful heart. I have noticed that when I'm stressed, and I reach for food, it doesn't matter if it *is* a healthy choice, like a banana, I feel gross afterwards because of the underlying stress. Food is not the answer. I really need to be in the right mental space, free of stress and worry, to enjoy my food and to assimilate the most nutrients from it. This has been a huge lesson for me lately. And so I want to paint "Food is Sacred" where I will be reminded every time I prepare, serve, and eat food.
I got a copy of I am Grateful last week in our raw bulk order; it's the raw cookbook by Terces Engelheart. I *LOVE* *LOVE* *LOVE* this book. I am so inspired by the affirmation names of all the meals. And the side notes in the book, asking questions meant to get you thinking about your connection with food, asking you to remain conscious of that connection. I so need this in my mind right now (well, always, really).
Next week I'll be planting the winter garden while I'm housesitting. In my head I'm planning a beautiful garden, but I realize that August is actually a little late to be starting. I needed to start the seeds a month ago. Hopefully we'll get sunshine through the end of September so the plants get a good 6 wks of growth in. I'll post pics once things are up.
August is going to be busy; we have two weddings to attend and several other commitments already. And we spontaneously traded in our 2005 car yesterday for a 2010. There wasn't anything terribly wrong with the 2005; but realistically it was going to need more work in the next 3 yrs, whereas now we won't have that. Also, we had been going to trade-in in 3 yrs anyways, and by then, our 2005 would have depreciated that much more, and it would have had twice the mileage on it that it currently does, so really, I think now was the better time to trade it in ('though I had a minor panic attack about spontaneously making such a large purchase decision; all the thoughts about money I grew up with, that my parents hold dear, came bubbling up inside in a little (LOUD) voice... so I had to sit with them, hear them, but not be limited by them. It was interesting to remain in a state of observing them without reacting to them. Very meditative). I see ourselves becoming far less car-dependent once we move to the new property (in 2-3 yrs). The kids will be that much older and there are good commuter biking trails to ride into town, not to mention bus service close by. I'm looking forward to further releasing our dependence on oil as time goes on. :D
Ahhh yes, the new property. We're definitely looking ahead. My son & I were perusing craigslist tonight, looking in the 'farm and garden' category. We found a horse for sale, including tack - $3000. We both drooled. Then there were goats for sale - yearling nubian does. Yes please! ;) (The raw vegan in me wants a strictly plant-based farm with lots of fruit and nut trees, lots of garden beds producing a huge variety of foods, but I realize the kids aren't ready to go raw vegan, and I'd rather raise the food they eat ourselves). DS wants 100 hens; we currently have 27. Yep, big farming plans for the new property. I think about the farming/food production potential of that property more than I do the design of the new house, although that is definitely under the radar and under active discussion these days. Still, we are a couple years away yet, realistically.
But we *did* win $20 on Lotto Max this week! (On our free play ticket!) A $12 investment 3 wks ago has yielded one free play and now $20, so at this moment, we're doin' alright on the gambling! LOL ds is CERTAIN we're gonna win big each week. Positive thinker that he is. ;)
And a slight shock last night as an ex co-worker of dh's showed up unannounced at 9:30 at night, JUST as I was reaching to lock the door, he knocked in the darkness on the other side! I involuntarily shrieked as the dog barked. I felt bad b/c this fellow is so shy; he'd obviously had a few drinks (that might be an understatment: few; he seemed pretty loaded) to get the courage up to even come by and say hello, and here I let out a blood-curdling yip as he knocks. OTOH, 9:30 at night isn't the time to make a social call on someone you haven't seen in yrs, even if it is Saturday night.
I suppose this is rambling enough - just to recap: bears lacking food, maintaining a spiritual connection to food, winter gardening, the new car, won $20 on lottery, and a surprise visitor. Yep, that pretty much recaps the past week! :)
Enjoy your long weekend (if you're Cdn, that is!).
I thinned the raspberry canes out tonight; hope next year we get *LOTS* of berries. This year has been so weird in terms of food. We just didn't get enough rain (or snow) last winter, and the water tables must be low because the plants are just not producing fruit. The huckleberries are in such a sad state. Bears are a problem, not just in our area, but all over the island. We are getting daily email warnings about 'problem bears'. One even climbed inside someone's car nearby through the sunroof to get a candy bar wrapper! (I saw the muddy paw prints on the car myself) Possibly the same one walked off with a full garbage can. I hate to think what will happen to the bear if the conservation officer has to deal with it. Habituated bears are dead bears around here; relocation is not used once the bear has been habituated to human habitat. Conservation officers are only going out on calls right now where the bear has "gone in the house".... LITERALLY. No thanks. I don't need a bear INSIDE my house. No need to replay Goldilocks, thanks. I think the bears are making themselves visible this year because not only the changing seasonal weather patterns (meaning less food), but also possibly because we might be in for a real nasty winter? I would be more than happy to be wrong on that one, though!! (Note to self: get more firewood in, and SOON! And plant that winter garden!!!)
I've been thinking of painting on a wall in the kitchen:
"Food is Sacred
From Seed to Harvest,
Through Preparation and Serving,
With every bite we eat."
...why paint this on the wall? To bring more conscious awareness and connection to our food, for my own benefit. Sometimes its just so hard to remember. But that's no longer a good-enough excuse. If we are to truly love our selves, then it becomes so important that we make that connection between the food we are putting into our bodies and how we feel afterwards, both physically and spiritually. Grow, harvest, and prepare your food with *love*. Serve it to others with a giving heart. Eat with a grateful heart. I have noticed that when I'm stressed, and I reach for food, it doesn't matter if it *is* a healthy choice, like a banana, I feel gross afterwards because of the underlying stress. Food is not the answer. I really need to be in the right mental space, free of stress and worry, to enjoy my food and to assimilate the most nutrients from it. This has been a huge lesson for me lately. And so I want to paint "Food is Sacred" where I will be reminded every time I prepare, serve, and eat food.
I got a copy of I am Grateful last week in our raw bulk order; it's the raw cookbook by Terces Engelheart. I *LOVE* *LOVE* *LOVE* this book. I am so inspired by the affirmation names of all the meals. And the side notes in the book, asking questions meant to get you thinking about your connection with food, asking you to remain conscious of that connection. I so need this in my mind right now (well, always, really).
Next week I'll be planting the winter garden while I'm housesitting. In my head I'm planning a beautiful garden, but I realize that August is actually a little late to be starting. I needed to start the seeds a month ago. Hopefully we'll get sunshine through the end of September so the plants get a good 6 wks of growth in. I'll post pics once things are up.
August is going to be busy; we have two weddings to attend and several other commitments already. And we spontaneously traded in our 2005 car yesterday for a 2010. There wasn't anything terribly wrong with the 2005; but realistically it was going to need more work in the next 3 yrs, whereas now we won't have that. Also, we had been going to trade-in in 3 yrs anyways, and by then, our 2005 would have depreciated that much more, and it would have had twice the mileage on it that it currently does, so really, I think now was the better time to trade it in ('though I had a minor panic attack about spontaneously making such a large purchase decision; all the thoughts about money I grew up with, that my parents hold dear, came bubbling up inside in a little (LOUD) voice... so I had to sit with them, hear them, but not be limited by them. It was interesting to remain in a state of observing them without reacting to them. Very meditative). I see ourselves becoming far less car-dependent once we move to the new property (in 2-3 yrs). The kids will be that much older and there are good commuter biking trails to ride into town, not to mention bus service close by. I'm looking forward to further releasing our dependence on oil as time goes on. :D
Ahhh yes, the new property. We're definitely looking ahead. My son & I were perusing craigslist tonight, looking in the 'farm and garden' category. We found a horse for sale, including tack - $3000. We both drooled. Then there were goats for sale - yearling nubian does. Yes please! ;) (The raw vegan in me wants a strictly plant-based farm with lots of fruit and nut trees, lots of garden beds producing a huge variety of foods, but I realize the kids aren't ready to go raw vegan, and I'd rather raise the food they eat ourselves). DS wants 100 hens; we currently have 27. Yep, big farming plans for the new property. I think about the farming/food production potential of that property more than I do the design of the new house, although that is definitely under the radar and under active discussion these days. Still, we are a couple years away yet, realistically.
But we *did* win $20 on Lotto Max this week! (On our free play ticket!) A $12 investment 3 wks ago has yielded one free play and now $20, so at this moment, we're doin' alright on the gambling! LOL ds is CERTAIN we're gonna win big each week. Positive thinker that he is. ;)
And a slight shock last night as an ex co-worker of dh's showed up unannounced at 9:30 at night, JUST as I was reaching to lock the door, he knocked in the darkness on the other side! I involuntarily shrieked as the dog barked. I felt bad b/c this fellow is so shy; he'd obviously had a few drinks (that might be an understatment: few; he seemed pretty loaded) to get the courage up to even come by and say hello, and here I let out a blood-curdling yip as he knocks. OTOH, 9:30 at night isn't the time to make a social call on someone you haven't seen in yrs, even if it is Saturday night.
I suppose this is rambling enough - just to recap: bears lacking food, maintaining a spiritual connection to food, winter gardening, the new car, won $20 on lottery, and a surprise visitor. Yep, that pretty much recaps the past week! :)
Enjoy your long weekend (if you're Cdn, that is!).
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