Roadtrip ahead!!

Vrooom vrooom!! Here we are, gearing up for more travelling next week. The kids and I are going on a roadtrip - 5,000 kms of driving!!! It should be fantastic... 'though some might say torture. We'll see. I adamantly refuse to go with the portable DVD player. My kids WILL NOT be plugged into visual technology while traversing this great country of ours. It will be a once in a lifetime opportunity to see oceans of grains growing on the prairies, and grain elevators that they've up-'til-now only seen in pictures, never mind the majestic peaks of the Rockies and sooooo much more. Besides, we have cruise control, A/C and a CD player in the car, and friends and family to visit nearly every night along the way. I'm bringing travel bingo, audio books from the library, and we've got more games than you can shake a hat at in store; "A my name is Arnold and my sister's name is Andrea. We live in Abbotsford and we sell apples." Your turn!

Book List

One thing I *LOVE* is reading. Not just anything, but nonfiction. I kinda figure reading fiction is another form of escapism, like alcohol, or binge eating, or playing computer games or watching television. I guess I once read that just like you are what you eat, your brain is as intelligent and sharp as what you put into it. Feed it crap and that's what it's going to subsist on. So why not treat it well - after all, you only have one brain, and they haven't started doing brain transplants yet. Try your hand at a new challenge - whether it's sudoku, crossword, knitting, or even just considering new ideas... like the whole lifelong learning that's available through nonfiction books. Go ahead... strike up a new interest... your brain will thank you!

Here's some of my favourite recent reads over the past 6 months:
Ani's Raw Food Kitchen (Phyo, Ani) - LOVED it! I loved that Ani has melded together two of my passions - raw vegan food with green living. Love the recipes, love the tips she has (e.g. soak leftover lemon pieces in a bathtub full of cold water and in the morning rinse clean and voila - clean bathtub with hardly any elbow grease! I tried it - and it works amazingly well. It's all that oil in the lemon peel...)
Fresh: the ultimate live-food cookbook (Boutenko, Sergei & Valya) - LOVE the jicama fries and raw burger, and the whole book, overall.
Raw food made easy: for 1 or 2 people (Cornbleet, Jennifer) - I really liked that the recipes were for 1 or 2 people, instead of 4 like Ani's book. I'm only making raw vegan food for me, so sometimes 4 servings of the same meal can be a bit much. But Ani's book is great for entertaining. Oh, and back to Raw Food Made Easy - the tropical fruit tart was DIVINE and a HUGE hit in our house - raw vegans, vegetarians, and omnivores alike.
The Spirituality of Gardening (Sinclair, Donna)
The Power of Now (Tolle, Eckhart) - wow, what a reminder of how we typically go through our days unconscious of the radiant energy that we all are. A wonderful reminder to wake up! And live mindfully.
To Have or To Be (Fromm, Erich)
Slow is Beautiful: new visions of community, leisure and joie de vivre (Andrews, Cecile)
The Natural Superiority of Women (Montagu, Ashley)
Last Child in the Woods (Louv, Richard) - children today just don't seem to have the unrestricted, unsupervised access to the wild woods that even my generation had 25 yrs ago... and by the sounds of it, even that was limited. It speaks to just how much time we spend indoors, as compared to past generations (think of the pioneers, for example).
The Hand-Sculpted House - between a thorough book like this, and a week of cob building on a workshop, it's easy to feel excited about the possibilities in natural building available to anyone with little skill & money, but an abundance of time on their hands. If the technical information in this book overwhelms you, try reading The Cob-Builder's Companion (Bee, Becky) instead.
Illustrated Handbook of the Bach Flower Remedies
Easy Composting (Ortho Books, ed. Lan, Susan) - composting is easy, whether you live in an apartment (and have no access to 'earth'), or you have a piece of yard. It reduces garbage, is good for the environment, and it takes so little time and energy on our part. I love this book includes comprehensive plans for a 3-bin pallet system, for the avid composter. While you're at it, why not read The Humanure Handbook.
Silent Spring (Carsen, Rachel)
A Pattern Language: towns, buildings, construction (Alexander, Christopher et. al) - oh my goodness, if you only read one book, let it be this one. It's AMAZING. I must've read it several times over. It explains SO MUCH in our lives - about how our world around us is constructed - how the layout of our city/village/street/yard/house/any room within affects us.
Natural Capitalism: creating the next industrial revolution (Hawken, Paul et. al)
Electromagnetic Fields: a consumer's guide to the issues and how to protect ourselves (Levitt, B. Blake)
This I Believe: the personal philosophies of remarkable men and women

I'd like to add that not ALL fiction is mindless drivel. I love the stories like Wind in the Willows, and other children's classics. Enid Blyton wrote some wonderful books (The Adventures of the Wishing Chair, The Children of Willow Farm, and so many others)... so to say all fiction is puss is just not so. But if you're reading Harlequin Romance, get a grip on reality.

And one other comment - support your local library. Your tax dollars are already going towards it, and it means you're not running out purchasing books you're only going to read once or twice. Sure there's BookCrossings and you can always pass your books along to others, but why not just love the library. Seriously.

Sighhhh...

Well, this morning we were up at 04:30 and left by 5 to take our darling daddy/husband to the airport. He's off to 'school' for 5 months, training for his new job. It is indeed a year of change. We're all feeling a little melancholy at the 5 month separation, but it will go by fast with all the plans we have. I guess that's all I have to write at the moment.

Sighhhhhh.......
~n~

Paperwork!!!!

Do you ever have those days where you suddenly become infused with energy towards sorting through all the incomplete paperwork type tasks you've been postponing and dreading doing?

Probably one day a month I have a day like that, where I just jump in and get some things done. All day today I've been saying, I'm going to get outside and get some yardwork done, and here it is, after 4:00 already, and I've only set foot outside to feed the dog.

The worst part is, it is a beautiful, gorgeous sunny summer day, and here I am, wading through paperwork. To my credit, I did get a lot done. One volunteer job I have requires quarterly bookkeeping, so I buckled down and did it all in 2 1/2 hours today. Another volunteer position is organizing an upcoming local event, so I got a lot done in that regard today as well - including a press release emailed to all the local media outlets. So it's not like I haven't DONE anything, I just really really want to get out in the brilliant sunshine. So enough talking about it already, here I go...

See me? I'm outside, basking in the glorious sunshine. You should try it. It's heavenly.

Namaste,
~n~

Photos, Photos...

The picture above is delicious raw pizza. After making the crust in the dehydrator, you top with this fresh tomato "chili" sauce and chopped peppers, raw olives, and fresh basil. And those are nectarine slices on there. A deeeeelicious dinner!

The picture above is from Portland, OR - it is (obviously) a cob building with a beautiful bottle design in it, which is plastered on the outside wall to look like a tree. It's SOOOOO beautiful!

And here is some lovely lettuce, growing in our garden:

On Being Authentic

These snippets were on an online discussion group... I've pieced them together to share some thoughts on being authentic... I'd also suggest picking up Erich Fromm's book "To Have or To Be", or Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now", or of course there are many others out there. I've just read these two recently, that's all.

The discussion started because someone shared that they can feel overwhelmed and crabby with people in their lives when they are under stress (and this really resonated with me because that's exactly what I do sometimes). Here's the snippets pieced together, in a rambling arrangement which I know you'll forgive me for...

I think that if we can be true to ourselves in a safe environment we can heal and in doing so help those around us to see it is possible and maybe feel their pain, too, knowing that we who love them most will be there with the arms that hug and the ears that listen and the soul that cares.

Consider that everyone's most authentic Self is perfect - and multifaceted. So today my most authentic self may be bitchy, and tomorrow whiny and the next day affectionate. And all those aspects of me are perfect. (I love that comment - that all aspects of me, including the ones I judge as less-than-perfect, are in fact flawless and perfect. Something to celebrate!)

Now I'm thinking it's not about avoiding unpleasantness - not in the sense of "go ahead and be a bitch to your family" but it's more the sense of honouring that part of one's essential nature, celebrating it even, so that it *becomes* an expression of one's best self. So when we start to have these huge, wild emotions, that can be a moment where we can become conscious again - where we can remember that these emotions are signals, signposts, and they can be the opening for much personal growth... if only we take one deep breath and a moment to consider why these big emotions are surfacing in our lives - what is their deeper meaning? For example, when my best is kind of whiny, I can look deeply at my whininess and see what needs aren't being met, where I'm feeling a sense of lack in my life, even if I can't do anything about it right then.

Consider that the people around you in your life can help you regain an abundance mindset. Do you truly feel in this moment that there is limitless joy and love available to us all in every moment? It is our true nature, after all. Recently the kids & I watched Akeelah and the Bee, a beautiful movie about a girl who enters her school's spelling bee and goes on to the Nationals. Her coach has her read a quote posted in his home office, and I wish I could remember it right now as I don't think I will do it justice otherwise. Basically it is something like, We all ask ourselves Who am I to be beautiful, talented, healthy, etc., (basically, who am I to experience limitless joy and love in my life) but the real question is Who am I ***NOT*** to be all that and more?! It was lovely and it really touched a cord (as in yesterday's post) about not feeling worthy.

I find, funnily enough, that I have always had this preconception of myself that I don't know WHAT I want or need in any given moment. When I'm crabby or whatever, and if you stop me and say, 'hey, I can see that this isn't the real you, this is not your authentic self - there's something else at play here. What do you need right now?' Sometimes, before I've taken that deep breath, I'll just be crabbier and say, I don't KNOW what I need or want right now! I'm just feeling crabby! And so I can just sit there, feeling the crabbiness in all its intensity (which is fine, but it doesn't necessarily transcend the feeling and help me to grow, which is really what I am aiming for) - and I think sometimes we feel that if we just focus our energy on our emotions that our emotions will grow into these huge, unmanageable, overwhelming monsters, so we try to ignore them completely, which obviously doesn't help at all (nor does it set a good example for children on how to deal with unruly emotions that inevitably surface in life). Know that sometimes, after initially acknowledging that you are in the depths of emotion (the "depths of despair" as Anne Shirley called it), it can take a few seconds (which can feel like an eternity) to be able to take a deep breath or two in order to really here what this well-meaning person had shared with me - to realize, right, this emotion isn't who I truly am. I am joy and love and peace and so much more than the crabbiness I'm feeling right now. Now, what IS it that I need/want right now? Water? Food? A hug?

And sometimes we feel like there just isn't enough of us to go around (especially as a busy mother). In these moments, someone suggested we can feel like we are overextending ourselves. Are we striving for the supermom stereotype? I know I fall prey to it when I'm unconscious. Thinking that the world will end if the house isn't spotless, the kids happy, work in order, workout complete, all your ducks in a row... And in those moments when we are unconscious and thinking of our to-do lists, yes, it can be easy to feel overwhelmed and feel like our energy is depleted. In moments like that, I am learning to take a moment for myself and try to remain conscious that I am joy and love and peace. I am all that. And if I can't regain consciousness right then, I spin into the crabbiness mode and I think it is my own way of communicating to myself that I want to make some changes - that I want to remember my true nature and live an authentic life, and that striving for some external stereotype is not it.

Realize that sometimes the 'fire' of the emotion must die down before there is real communication about how to satisfy the need that the emotion was based in. Sometimes that means we say "can't go there now..."and "I need to be alone for a bit." It's OK to give one another space to just BE (even if that is being grumpy/crabby/etc.)

Another suggestion I read is to tell each other when we want to be heard only or when we want help to get through an emotion. Sometimes we may say something that is about the other; emotions are not *always* based in reality. They are, for the most part, reactionary. Feelings aren't always in exact allignment with what really happens...they are our own reaction to what has happened...and often they are an accumulation of events leading up to what happened...sometimes years of events.

Holding a grudge over what someone says when frustrated and angry doesn't do anything good for our relationship. Recognizing that we say things in anger that don't hold through to the happier, brighter moments does. Our relationship is important enough to let go of the angry things that they may say, unless they want me to remember them. If that's the case, I am more than happy to talk about them and work with those thoughts and feelings.

And then there's a whole discussion on our children being emotional and how as parents we can be drawn into the whole scene (or if you don't have kids, think about just people in your life in general). And how we have an opportunity there, before jumping in, to remind our chidren that they are pure joy and love and peace, and sometimes just that can break it up. I had the exact scene happen just yesterday, only it was reversed. I was making them lunch and they were making noise and generally just bothering me (not intentionally, of course) and I was getting short & snappy and then the younger one said something about her just wanting to be my friend, and the older one said we're family, not friends, and then the younger one said but we can be both, we can be friends AND family! And it took me a couple seconds and a few more words from her and I just started laughing that a 4 yr old could be so wise. And her laugh right then would've set your toes tingling. It was bliss. And I recalled how when she was born I just felt like she was here to teach us so much. And hasn't she already though!

So here are some of the questions that provoked this whole rant/discussion:

What are some ways you create space for people in your life to express their feelings? How do you remind yourself in the moment that it's OK, and it's not about you? How do you maintain your level of good feeling if people in your life are needing to feel otherwise?

Oh, but there's more to share!!! This is great; I love all this stuff - it's why I have a degree in Psychology... LOL Oh, and I just thought I'd add a suggestion that Marshall Rosenberg's NonViolent Communication is a great great way to learn communication skills. Or People Skills by Robert Bolton, but personally I like Rosenberg's writings.

So to continue...

1.) ALL feelings are valid, because they generally come from a person's value system. Therefore, I can't argue with a feeling, but I can celebrate the fact that someone has chosen to share it with me. (I love that - to see that people choose to share their emotions with you, and that it is something to celebrate - maybe we don't celebrate enough in our lives - hence the loving life and laughing name of the blog!!!)

2.) We have to establish relationships where we tell the truth without blame or judgment. Once you get that down and you both do it, you can hear the words of your partner for what they are - an expression of their feelings that were not intended to hurt or judge you. And of course you respond in kind.

3.) We have to be open to outcomes, not attached to them. For us, this means coming into conversations without a hidden agenda and without feeling like we have to be right or have to win.

4.) The person communicating owns the message, and the receiver owns their reaction to it. These ownership rights cannot be bought, sold, bartered, borrowed, or transferred. What that means is that if someone in your life says something that gets your dander up, you own that reaction, not the other person for saying it (and "provoking" your response). You can then realize that you can have your reaction for a number of reasons, but mostly it's because something in their message hit a nerve with one of your insecurities, deepest fears, etc.

This person continued on to say: I think that we each have a right (some would say a choice) to be angry or sad, and that we also each have a right to not get sucked into the emotions of others. Well said, well said!

And for a laugh...

"I've learned to say things like "I really love you, you big weirdo" or "I really like it when you drip sweat on the coffee stains on the counter so I can lick them off... mmmmmm" I know... eeeeeeeeewwwww. But the humor, especially the gross stuff, lets my partner know I really mean all the lovey stuff *and* lets him accept it."

Have a great, light-filled, joyous, peaceful, loving day!!

Transportation & Lessons from Childhood

Yesterday we went car-shopping. We have two 1991 vehicles (and it's 2008, right) so we're not exactly running new cars. It was discussed that we ought to upgrade one of them, especially since the van is not economical on fuel, and with fuel prices having risen by 30+% in the past year, it is certainly affecting our financial position (why haven't incomes risen by 30%?!). So we talked about getting a fairly new vehicle, a couple years old, but not more than 5. Someone else really liked the Toyota FJ, but I'm partial to the Subaru Forrester. Again, more discussion. In the end, being that I will be the one driving it the majority of the time, we agreed on the Subaru.

So we went looking and found a 2005 Forrester with only 43K kms on it and a lot of extras, including power stuff, heated seats, AC (which I don't like using b/c of the environmental impact), and a large sunroof. One older lady owner from a small local island, who had traded it in for a new one. It looks similar to this:

Now, most people who know me know I come from a family-of-origin of near-scrooges when it comes to spending money. My parents NEVER bought a brand-new car until my mother retired and spent her own money on one (we always had used cars). Granted, I never felt poor growing up, but it wasn't ever encouraged to spend a lot of money on anything - I guess I learned that material things won't make you happy. And to work hard and save your money and one day you'll have it all (when that one day is, I have no idea - I still see my father, in particular, striving to get to that mythical day). As an adult, I am in a relationship with someone who grew up the opposite - his parents spent money ordering out every payday (something unheard of in my childhood) and generally spending a little more freely than I think my family did. So for him, I think it comes a little easier to spend significant amounts of money than for me. Nevertheless, I did it. I spent a considerable sum of $ on this car yesterday. And was nearly ill the rest of the day. LOL

I have to say, it certainly helps that the two of us have different orientations towards money. I certainly, on my own, would not ever have bought that car. But with a little prodding and encouragement, it was done. I appreciated that several times yesterday I heard that I was worth it. Because I guess part of it is that I don't believe in myself enough - and show me a woman that doesn't have self-image issues and I'll show you a pig that can fly - it seems we all have SOME issue... I asked why he thought I was worth it, and he replied, without hesitation, that I am a good wife and mother and he wanted to show me how much he appreciates the effort I put into my life - caring for the children and him and looking after everything around the house, and he hoped that everytime I got in to drive the car that I would be reminded of how much he believes in me.

Yes, it's just a way to get around. It's a material thing. Despite having bought this car, I still don't believe in consumerism as the be-all, end-all, or a newer car as a sign of personal success - it's not. Reckless consumerism is not sustainable. So it was a hard struggle for me to reconcile buying a newer vehicle in that regard. And as far as what lessons the next generation is learning? At bedtime, I was told, "You know, it's just a car. Sure it's nice, but when I get old enough, I'm just going to ride my bike everywhere. Cars pollute too much and gas will be too expensive." Which put a smile on my face.