Creating Stillness

"Meet everyone and everything through stillness rather than mental noise." (Eckhart Tolle)


Yesterday I read Gunilla Norris' "Sharing Silence" book. WOW. One of those books that shakes up your life, your worldview... such a simple message, too. Blew me away. I read it and read it again yesterday and just soaked in the words.


Then I'm seeing on facebook a friend of my sister's talking about spirituality and energy ascension through intention and meditation so I start googling it and there's really some interesting vibes going 'round.


Love is where it's at, peeps. Check it out:


"It's not how much we do, but how much love we put in the doing. It's not how much we give, but how much love we put in the giving." (Mother Theresa)


You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." (Buddha)


"I must admit it in all humility, that however indifferently it may be, I endeavour to represent love in every fiber of my being." (Mahatma Gandhi)


I'm reading people's ideas that the world is shifting... energetically, on a worldwide scale. Things are shifting and when we hold onto our old beliefs and patterns, life becomes a struggle... but when we release the old and open our hearts and minds and act from a place of LOVE, from connection with our Source, life unfolds effortlessly and positively before us. :D


I feel fully supported by and connected to Spirit in this moment. I do not worry about where money will come from to pay off debts, I don't worry about what I don't have... I feel a profound, deep peace within... a contentment that reverberates with the very core of my being. Things I want to see changed in my life, in the lives of those around me... I simply pray Spirit will use me for the greatest good of all and all will resolve itself as it should. There are too many 'coincidences' in life to dismiss them all. Too many.


I remember in the past year reading about Dr. Emoto's work with water - the shape the water crystals take on depending on the INTENT of the label on the bottle. Write "bad" on the sticker and you'll get water that's unable to form true crystals. Write "healing" or "love", "compassion" or "bliss" on it, and you'll be amazed at the difference. Do I believe? Absolutely. When my grandmother made food, and it was made with intent and love, it tasted much better than food hurriedly prepared without thought and attention. I'm continually reminded, called upon, to be fully present in my life. This is why I have the family of origin I have, LOL. We rushed through meals, rushed through life... even now I find it difficult to have meaningful conversations with my parents... but this is part of what makes me who I am... and a big part of who I am is the part that is willing to learn... to be open-minded and fully present on this wonderful journey of self-development. Absolutely blissful.


I've discovered Reiki. I've discovered Tai Chi. I've discovered raw foods. Sitting meditation. Walking meditation. Sooooo much that has furthered my personal growth; so much that I am grateful for.


I read, about two years ago, the Celestine Prophecy with my then 7 yr old son. He *LOVED* that book... it prompted such deep discussion. Got him thinking about his place in the universe, about where we are headed as a collective unison.


This post sort of wanders here and there, but I trust you'll find what you need from it. ;)
Namaste'

ahhh life is good.

sure, there was the odd moment i found myself wondering 'what is the meaning of all this' today, but overall, life is supremely good. :) why, just now i was reading this post on the meaning of ahimsa and i agree, being nonviolent physically isn't too hard for most people, but being nonviolent with our words, well, that's a struggle for many, i think. think only loving, healing, positive thoughts towards all you come in contact with. hmmm, i'll work on it. ;)

today i consumed mostly green smoothies again (second day)... 3.5L of green smoothie today.

i rowed 5 kms.

i had fun this afternoon decorating our community hall for the neighbourhood party tomorrow afternoon. 4 local mamas and a collection of 10 kids, from about 18 months through to 14 years, all pitched in to help decorate the tree and hall. lots of fun.

my kids got to have their friends over, i got to chat with their mama for quite a while...

i dunno, nothing major to report. life is just really really good. ;) i feel very blessed.

intense! must breathe!!!

wow... what an intense past few days i've had. This candida cleanse is pretty physically intense (although I am so blessed that I've been raw and essentially following a candida "diet", save the fruit, for over 18 months now... I can't imagine going on this candida cleanse from the SAD overnight. THAT would be uber-intense, LOL). So I'm making sure I drink LOTS (3L) of water daily... otherwise I feel nauseous. Do I feel like the cleanse is working? Kinda. It's the end of Day 4 and I admit, I haven't cut fruit out... basically still eating what I was eating a week ago (no ice kream/cream, though). I *am* getting lots of (fresh) greens into me daily though, as well as Chlorella & Vitamineral Greens. I hope things improve dramatically over the next 11 days... and I will make a concerted effort to continue to decrease the amount of fruit I'm consuming.

Today I had:
3L of green smoothie (LOTS of dark leafy greens, banana, frozen berries, maca, vitamineral green, chlorella, camu berry, and a little agave, and Vega oil) - I know I should cut out the banana, berries, camu berry, and agave, but greens on their own? rather unpalatable, imo.
about 2L of water
some dehydrated kale chips - yummmmmmm
an orange - again, i should cut out all fruit, I know.
about 1c of veggies and dip

Still trying to stay conscious and not eat emotionally. I realize I need some therapy/professional help in this regard (so many of us do and so few of us are willing to admit it!). It's obviously not going to be an easy road, restructuring a lifetime of emotional attachments to food. I'm thinking I should search out a professional who specifically deals with eating disorders, although I'm far from having a clinically-diagnosable eating disorder, someone who has expertise in this area will hopefully be able to give me the guidance I need to develop a healthier relationship with food. I am hoping to get to a point where I only eat what my body requires... not eating out of boredom (big problem) or overeating or eating while stressed (another issue). we'll see.

The other thing that's been intense lately is the mental/emotional cleansing I'm going through. I've blogged about it before... about the past issues that have been supressed, rearing their ugly heads at me... well, this weekend was simply yet another one of those times... and geez, do I ever *hate* waking up with puffy eyes from crying inconsolably the night before. I remember doing that as a child and it takes me, like, the rest of the next day for the swelling around my eyes to go down and me to return to 'normal' emotionally (sometimes two days). It's intense. I'm soooooooo grateful dh is so super-awesomely-supportive, helping me work through it, talking about it, holding me close, reminding me he loves me... life is soooooo much better when you have a shoulder to cry on, literally. ;) I've got a request in for Byron Katie's book, Loving What Is, from the library and although I'm #12 on the waitlist, am hoping going through it (um, again) will help me release my desired outcome for the situation...

I know that this issue will eventually resolve itself... I'm having a really hard time letting it go (I *do* need to release it, I can see that, but doing and knowing what to do are two different things). Sometimes we just hold on so stubbornly, eh? I know I'm not alone in that.

it's a week of wrapping up classes (swimming, piano, etc.) for the holiday season, which is kinda nice. I was lamenting on the weekend that even though I felt like crap, life still had to go on and I had to put my emotional detoxing aside (easier said than done). I just wanted to crawl into a hole and complete the detoxing right then and there, but I've come to appreciate that it doesn't happen like that... I know that working through it will simply take time... chip away a little here, a little there, and eventually we'll peel back enough layers of the proverbial onion to get to the core of the matter and get some healing around it. In the meantime, I'll continue with the candida cleanse, the emotional detoxing, Reiki, tai chi, hot salt baths, drinking lots of water, and exercising, to assist with the healing. (if there's something else you'd recommend, i'd be interested in hearing... how do you heal from emotional detoxing?)

anyways, i'm babbling. have a wonderful wednesday... may it be filled with blessings and gratitude. ;)

namaste'

candida overgrowth

warning: this may be tmi for some.

sept 1st i began (what ended up being) a 30-day juicefeast (i had intended it to be much longer). sometime during september, i developed a yeast infection - first one i've ever had. by october i was more than a little uncomfortable and ended up taking Diflucan (prescription antifungal) after trying over-the-counter remedies. i foolishly thought it had completely gone away, but of course, even the Diflucan just masks the symptoms - doesn't deal with the root cause of it. so for the past 3 months i've been dealing with the yeast infection from hell. i'm so done with it!

so today i bought and started a candida cleanse, because yeast infections are caused by candida overgrowth. so let's deal with it at that level. it's a 15 day cleanse and i intend to make green juice tomorrow - not a full juicefeast but at least consume some green juice. reading the package insert, i'm already doing a lot of what they recommend in regards to diet - basically a raw vegan diet with lots of greens. but one thing they recommend is cutting out all fruit, and i know in that regard i'm negligent (see post below, LOL).

i`d like to know what happened during the juicefeast in september. how did juicing alter my body`s ph... maybe i stopped juicing too soon, and the candida would've cleared up on its own if i'd juiced longer... or was i consuming too much fruit juice? the thought of going on full-greens with no fruit was too much for me earlier.

perhaps now is the time. (breathes deeeeeeeeeep)
here we go...

raw ice cream/kream

Berry Ice Cream:

Blend well in Vitamix:
1 or 2 bananas
2 or 3c of frozen berries (sometimes it's raspberry, blueberry, or strawberry, sometimes blackberry, sometimes mixed...)

Use the tamper to really blend it well.

We are all SUPER enjoying this recipe. Often I'll add a tiny pinch of himalayan salt, sometimes a squeeze of raw agave. Usually that's it, though. I've made it the consistency of soft ice cream, but if you put enough frozen berries in it'll be thicker.

i have no ice cream maker so using frozen fruit is the easiest way to get the consistency and texture as close as possible. i'd like to somehow come up with chocolate or chocolate mint using raw almond milk and cacao powder & nibs. haven't mastered it yet though.

must be getting healthier...

It's getting colder around here... autumn turning into winter... so I've begun regularly (as opposed to occasionally) using organic coconut oil as moisturizer for my skin - especially on my hands and face, as they are most often exposed to the elements. It is *amazing* what a difference this makes. I just keep a small jar of it in the car and when I'm out and about I reach over for it and rub some on... because I'm not one for having a 'beauty routine' at home at all. More the spontaneous type when it comes to that. ;) My neighbour last week said she was amazed at how youthful I look... I smile and there's laugh lines beginning to crease, but as soon as I stop smiling, the lines go away and my face is smooth, smooth, smooth. (not to toot my own horn, LOL)

The other amazing thing I've noticed lately is the roseacea on my face is all but gone. There's the odd moment where it flares up, but really, it's NOTHING like it was. I'm so overjoyed at this development. I keep reminding myself what a naturopath once told me - that our skin is a reflection of our internal organ (especially our liver's) health - so healthy, clear skin means healthy, optimal-functioning organs. My high-raw mostly-organic diet is soooooooo transformational!!!

OH! And in a few short weeks I go to the dentist to begin the process of replacing my very old amalgam fillings. They are literally disintegrating as some have been in there so long - we're talking 20 years!!! I'm so very very excited. Over a couple months I'll get them all replaced.

yesterday afternoon i felt like i was beginning to come down with something... ever-so-slight hoarse voice... i intended to gargle with salt water but never did. still, lo and behold, today i felt great. i don't know... i hardly ever get sick since going vegan, especially so since going raw. as soon as i feel the slightest thing, i simply get more rest, water, and up the greens in my diet and generally, if i actually do get something, it doesn't last for long and it's not severe. i LOVE raw!!!

life's about options.

i was chatting with my dad today, and he at one point (more tactfully than i'll say here) told me that (in his opinion) it's time for me to rejoin the workforce, to get a job, to make something of myself. i'm a stay-at-home mom of two school-aged children whom I homeschool. i have been out of the full-time workforce since the birth of my son nearly 10 years ago, although i have worked part-time during the past ten years periodically, casually.

on one hand, i hear him. i understand what he's saying. "you're educated" yes, yes, i am. i could one day return to grad school and finish a degree, and get a profession. but there's time, lots of time for that. time that i just can't get back if i sacrifice it now with the kids. i thought long and hard about it today as i was decluttering, and i realized that it's either a matter of cutting back on expenses, like groceries (i admit i'm fairly extravagant when it comes to groceries, LOL), and the kids' classes, gas for the car, things like that, or bring in more income (dh already works two jobs and overtime at one of them, it's unrealistic to expect him to work any more than that, and i am currently unemployed, by choice). there's a lot i can cut back on in the budget, if i'm willing to live very restrictively/frugally... but the alternative is getting a job, and i cannot FATHOM going job-hunting, or even returning to grad school at this point in my life. my heart is not in it.

thankfully i have a very supportive partner who sees the VALUE in the children being raised by a stay-at-home parent, and i think our shared view on that is quite rare these days. not many families are willing to make the sacrifices necessary to have a parent stay at home full-time. okay, okay, some of you are going to give me flak for that opinion, saying that you know families where both parents simply have to work just to get by. to each their own, i say. but in my case, i'm simply not willing to sacrifice my children's youth for a few bucks, or for the self-gratification a job might give me.

so it's back to the budget, seeing where more can be trimmed. snip snip snip

decluttering really helped today. i realized that just like our budget, there's a lot of excess, of variable stuff that can be given away... that needs to be sorted through. it was like therapy. the children pulled out the 5 boxes of Christmas decorations and put up their tree in their room (it's a little 24" fake tree that dh's grandmother sent him when he was overseas and away from family one year, long before we met), and behind the decorations were 5 boxes of photos and newspaper clippings and... stuff. Memorabilia. I went through those boxes today, not thoroughly, but enough that I filled a recycling bag with paper... old Christmas cards, letters from boys in highschool, from friends at university, old photos, just STUFF that i'm no longer attached to. I'm even at a point where the wedding dress can go. I need to move into the present with gusto... and that means letting go of the past. I still have wedding photos, but I'm not planning on needing that dress ever again, so maybe someone else can use it...

things like that. Like the two boxes of kids books that have been sitting by the front door for 7 months waiting for a new home (if only i'd advertise them). Like the kids' clothes that they've outgrown. Like the old stove/oven sitting in the middle of our kitchen (it's only been there a month, LOL). Like the houseplant that's more than dead, sitting in the corner of the living room, waiting to join the compost and begin anew. there's just SOOOOOOOOO much that can move on. I'm feeling pretty ruthless when it comes to the clutter today. Out with the old, in with the new! :) Because I *know* that moving these things out of my life, things I no longer need or use or want, will invite new, fresh energy, positiveness, new options, new doors will open... all this from letting go of the past. And that's exactly what I want to invite into my life right now - new possibilities.

Anyone need a 1991 GMC Astro van?!