life's about options.

i was chatting with my dad today, and he at one point (more tactfully than i'll say here) told me that (in his opinion) it's time for me to rejoin the workforce, to get a job, to make something of myself. i'm a stay-at-home mom of two school-aged children whom I homeschool. i have been out of the full-time workforce since the birth of my son nearly 10 years ago, although i have worked part-time during the past ten years periodically, casually.

on one hand, i hear him. i understand what he's saying. "you're educated" yes, yes, i am. i could one day return to grad school and finish a degree, and get a profession. but there's time, lots of time for that. time that i just can't get back if i sacrifice it now with the kids. i thought long and hard about it today as i was decluttering, and i realized that it's either a matter of cutting back on expenses, like groceries (i admit i'm fairly extravagant when it comes to groceries, LOL), and the kids' classes, gas for the car, things like that, or bring in more income (dh already works two jobs and overtime at one of them, it's unrealistic to expect him to work any more than that, and i am currently unemployed, by choice). there's a lot i can cut back on in the budget, if i'm willing to live very restrictively/frugally... but the alternative is getting a job, and i cannot FATHOM going job-hunting, or even returning to grad school at this point in my life. my heart is not in it.

thankfully i have a very supportive partner who sees the VALUE in the children being raised by a stay-at-home parent, and i think our shared view on that is quite rare these days. not many families are willing to make the sacrifices necessary to have a parent stay at home full-time. okay, okay, some of you are going to give me flak for that opinion, saying that you know families where both parents simply have to work just to get by. to each their own, i say. but in my case, i'm simply not willing to sacrifice my children's youth for a few bucks, or for the self-gratification a job might give me.

so it's back to the budget, seeing where more can be trimmed. snip snip snip

decluttering really helped today. i realized that just like our budget, there's a lot of excess, of variable stuff that can be given away... that needs to be sorted through. it was like therapy. the children pulled out the 5 boxes of Christmas decorations and put up their tree in their room (it's a little 24" fake tree that dh's grandmother sent him when he was overseas and away from family one year, long before we met), and behind the decorations were 5 boxes of photos and newspaper clippings and... stuff. Memorabilia. I went through those boxes today, not thoroughly, but enough that I filled a recycling bag with paper... old Christmas cards, letters from boys in highschool, from friends at university, old photos, just STUFF that i'm no longer attached to. I'm even at a point where the wedding dress can go. I need to move into the present with gusto... and that means letting go of the past. I still have wedding photos, but I'm not planning on needing that dress ever again, so maybe someone else can use it...

things like that. Like the two boxes of kids books that have been sitting by the front door for 7 months waiting for a new home (if only i'd advertise them). Like the kids' clothes that they've outgrown. Like the old stove/oven sitting in the middle of our kitchen (it's only been there a month, LOL). Like the houseplant that's more than dead, sitting in the corner of the living room, waiting to join the compost and begin anew. there's just SOOOOOOOOO much that can move on. I'm feeling pretty ruthless when it comes to the clutter today. Out with the old, in with the new! :) Because I *know* that moving these things out of my life, things I no longer need or use or want, will invite new, fresh energy, positiveness, new options, new doors will open... all this from letting go of the past. And that's exactly what I want to invite into my life right now - new possibilities.

Anyone need a 1991 GMC Astro van?!