Paperwork!!!!

Do you ever have those days where you suddenly become infused with energy towards sorting through all the incomplete paperwork type tasks you've been postponing and dreading doing?

Probably one day a month I have a day like that, where I just jump in and get some things done. All day today I've been saying, I'm going to get outside and get some yardwork done, and here it is, after 4:00 already, and I've only set foot outside to feed the dog.

The worst part is, it is a beautiful, gorgeous sunny summer day, and here I am, wading through paperwork. To my credit, I did get a lot done. One volunteer job I have requires quarterly bookkeeping, so I buckled down and did it all in 2 1/2 hours today. Another volunteer position is organizing an upcoming local event, so I got a lot done in that regard today as well - including a press release emailed to all the local media outlets. So it's not like I haven't DONE anything, I just really really want to get out in the brilliant sunshine. So enough talking about it already, here I go...

See me? I'm outside, basking in the glorious sunshine. You should try it. It's heavenly.

Namaste,
~n~

Photos, Photos...

The picture above is delicious raw pizza. After making the crust in the dehydrator, you top with this fresh tomato "chili" sauce and chopped peppers, raw olives, and fresh basil. And those are nectarine slices on there. A deeeeelicious dinner!

The picture above is from Portland, OR - it is (obviously) a cob building with a beautiful bottle design in it, which is plastered on the outside wall to look like a tree. It's SOOOOO beautiful!

And here is some lovely lettuce, growing in our garden:

On Being Authentic

These snippets were on an online discussion group... I've pieced them together to share some thoughts on being authentic... I'd also suggest picking up Erich Fromm's book "To Have or To Be", or Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now", or of course there are many others out there. I've just read these two recently, that's all.

The discussion started because someone shared that they can feel overwhelmed and crabby with people in their lives when they are under stress (and this really resonated with me because that's exactly what I do sometimes). Here's the snippets pieced together, in a rambling arrangement which I know you'll forgive me for...

I think that if we can be true to ourselves in a safe environment we can heal and in doing so help those around us to see it is possible and maybe feel their pain, too, knowing that we who love them most will be there with the arms that hug and the ears that listen and the soul that cares.

Consider that everyone's most authentic Self is perfect - and multifaceted. So today my most authentic self may be bitchy, and tomorrow whiny and the next day affectionate. And all those aspects of me are perfect. (I love that comment - that all aspects of me, including the ones I judge as less-than-perfect, are in fact flawless and perfect. Something to celebrate!)

Now I'm thinking it's not about avoiding unpleasantness - not in the sense of "go ahead and be a bitch to your family" but it's more the sense of honouring that part of one's essential nature, celebrating it even, so that it *becomes* an expression of one's best self. So when we start to have these huge, wild emotions, that can be a moment where we can become conscious again - where we can remember that these emotions are signals, signposts, and they can be the opening for much personal growth... if only we take one deep breath and a moment to consider why these big emotions are surfacing in our lives - what is their deeper meaning? For example, when my best is kind of whiny, I can look deeply at my whininess and see what needs aren't being met, where I'm feeling a sense of lack in my life, even if I can't do anything about it right then.

Consider that the people around you in your life can help you regain an abundance mindset. Do you truly feel in this moment that there is limitless joy and love available to us all in every moment? It is our true nature, after all. Recently the kids & I watched Akeelah and the Bee, a beautiful movie about a girl who enters her school's spelling bee and goes on to the Nationals. Her coach has her read a quote posted in his home office, and I wish I could remember it right now as I don't think I will do it justice otherwise. Basically it is something like, We all ask ourselves Who am I to be beautiful, talented, healthy, etc., (basically, who am I to experience limitless joy and love in my life) but the real question is Who am I ***NOT*** to be all that and more?! It was lovely and it really touched a cord (as in yesterday's post) about not feeling worthy.

I find, funnily enough, that I have always had this preconception of myself that I don't know WHAT I want or need in any given moment. When I'm crabby or whatever, and if you stop me and say, 'hey, I can see that this isn't the real you, this is not your authentic self - there's something else at play here. What do you need right now?' Sometimes, before I've taken that deep breath, I'll just be crabbier and say, I don't KNOW what I need or want right now! I'm just feeling crabby! And so I can just sit there, feeling the crabbiness in all its intensity (which is fine, but it doesn't necessarily transcend the feeling and help me to grow, which is really what I am aiming for) - and I think sometimes we feel that if we just focus our energy on our emotions that our emotions will grow into these huge, unmanageable, overwhelming monsters, so we try to ignore them completely, which obviously doesn't help at all (nor does it set a good example for children on how to deal with unruly emotions that inevitably surface in life). Know that sometimes, after initially acknowledging that you are in the depths of emotion (the "depths of despair" as Anne Shirley called it), it can take a few seconds (which can feel like an eternity) to be able to take a deep breath or two in order to really here what this well-meaning person had shared with me - to realize, right, this emotion isn't who I truly am. I am joy and love and peace and so much more than the crabbiness I'm feeling right now. Now, what IS it that I need/want right now? Water? Food? A hug?

And sometimes we feel like there just isn't enough of us to go around (especially as a busy mother). In these moments, someone suggested we can feel like we are overextending ourselves. Are we striving for the supermom stereotype? I know I fall prey to it when I'm unconscious. Thinking that the world will end if the house isn't spotless, the kids happy, work in order, workout complete, all your ducks in a row... And in those moments when we are unconscious and thinking of our to-do lists, yes, it can be easy to feel overwhelmed and feel like our energy is depleted. In moments like that, I am learning to take a moment for myself and try to remain conscious that I am joy and love and peace. I am all that. And if I can't regain consciousness right then, I spin into the crabbiness mode and I think it is my own way of communicating to myself that I want to make some changes - that I want to remember my true nature and live an authentic life, and that striving for some external stereotype is not it.

Realize that sometimes the 'fire' of the emotion must die down before there is real communication about how to satisfy the need that the emotion was based in. Sometimes that means we say "can't go there now..."and "I need to be alone for a bit." It's OK to give one another space to just BE (even if that is being grumpy/crabby/etc.)

Another suggestion I read is to tell each other when we want to be heard only or when we want help to get through an emotion. Sometimes we may say something that is about the other; emotions are not *always* based in reality. They are, for the most part, reactionary. Feelings aren't always in exact allignment with what really happens...they are our own reaction to what has happened...and often they are an accumulation of events leading up to what happened...sometimes years of events.

Holding a grudge over what someone says when frustrated and angry doesn't do anything good for our relationship. Recognizing that we say things in anger that don't hold through to the happier, brighter moments does. Our relationship is important enough to let go of the angry things that they may say, unless they want me to remember them. If that's the case, I am more than happy to talk about them and work with those thoughts and feelings.

And then there's a whole discussion on our children being emotional and how as parents we can be drawn into the whole scene (or if you don't have kids, think about just people in your life in general). And how we have an opportunity there, before jumping in, to remind our chidren that they are pure joy and love and peace, and sometimes just that can break it up. I had the exact scene happen just yesterday, only it was reversed. I was making them lunch and they were making noise and generally just bothering me (not intentionally, of course) and I was getting short & snappy and then the younger one said something about her just wanting to be my friend, and the older one said we're family, not friends, and then the younger one said but we can be both, we can be friends AND family! And it took me a couple seconds and a few more words from her and I just started laughing that a 4 yr old could be so wise. And her laugh right then would've set your toes tingling. It was bliss. And I recalled how when she was born I just felt like she was here to teach us so much. And hasn't she already though!

So here are some of the questions that provoked this whole rant/discussion:

What are some ways you create space for people in your life to express their feelings? How do you remind yourself in the moment that it's OK, and it's not about you? How do you maintain your level of good feeling if people in your life are needing to feel otherwise?

Oh, but there's more to share!!! This is great; I love all this stuff - it's why I have a degree in Psychology... LOL Oh, and I just thought I'd add a suggestion that Marshall Rosenberg's NonViolent Communication is a great great way to learn communication skills. Or People Skills by Robert Bolton, but personally I like Rosenberg's writings.

So to continue...

1.) ALL feelings are valid, because they generally come from a person's value system. Therefore, I can't argue with a feeling, but I can celebrate the fact that someone has chosen to share it with me. (I love that - to see that people choose to share their emotions with you, and that it is something to celebrate - maybe we don't celebrate enough in our lives - hence the loving life and laughing name of the blog!!!)

2.) We have to establish relationships where we tell the truth without blame or judgment. Once you get that down and you both do it, you can hear the words of your partner for what they are - an expression of their feelings that were not intended to hurt or judge you. And of course you respond in kind.

3.) We have to be open to outcomes, not attached to them. For us, this means coming into conversations without a hidden agenda and without feeling like we have to be right or have to win.

4.) The person communicating owns the message, and the receiver owns their reaction to it. These ownership rights cannot be bought, sold, bartered, borrowed, or transferred. What that means is that if someone in your life says something that gets your dander up, you own that reaction, not the other person for saying it (and "provoking" your response). You can then realize that you can have your reaction for a number of reasons, but mostly it's because something in their message hit a nerve with one of your insecurities, deepest fears, etc.

This person continued on to say: I think that we each have a right (some would say a choice) to be angry or sad, and that we also each have a right to not get sucked into the emotions of others. Well said, well said!

And for a laugh...

"I've learned to say things like "I really love you, you big weirdo" or "I really like it when you drip sweat on the coffee stains on the counter so I can lick them off... mmmmmm" I know... eeeeeeeeewwwww. But the humor, especially the gross stuff, lets my partner know I really mean all the lovey stuff *and* lets him accept it."

Have a great, light-filled, joyous, peaceful, loving day!!

Transportation & Lessons from Childhood

Yesterday we went car-shopping. We have two 1991 vehicles (and it's 2008, right) so we're not exactly running new cars. It was discussed that we ought to upgrade one of them, especially since the van is not economical on fuel, and with fuel prices having risen by 30+% in the past year, it is certainly affecting our financial position (why haven't incomes risen by 30%?!). So we talked about getting a fairly new vehicle, a couple years old, but not more than 5. Someone else really liked the Toyota FJ, but I'm partial to the Subaru Forrester. Again, more discussion. In the end, being that I will be the one driving it the majority of the time, we agreed on the Subaru.

So we went looking and found a 2005 Forrester with only 43K kms on it and a lot of extras, including power stuff, heated seats, AC (which I don't like using b/c of the environmental impact), and a large sunroof. One older lady owner from a small local island, who had traded it in for a new one. It looks similar to this:

Now, most people who know me know I come from a family-of-origin of near-scrooges when it comes to spending money. My parents NEVER bought a brand-new car until my mother retired and spent her own money on one (we always had used cars). Granted, I never felt poor growing up, but it wasn't ever encouraged to spend a lot of money on anything - I guess I learned that material things won't make you happy. And to work hard and save your money and one day you'll have it all (when that one day is, I have no idea - I still see my father, in particular, striving to get to that mythical day). As an adult, I am in a relationship with someone who grew up the opposite - his parents spent money ordering out every payday (something unheard of in my childhood) and generally spending a little more freely than I think my family did. So for him, I think it comes a little easier to spend significant amounts of money than for me. Nevertheless, I did it. I spent a considerable sum of $ on this car yesterday. And was nearly ill the rest of the day. LOL

I have to say, it certainly helps that the two of us have different orientations towards money. I certainly, on my own, would not ever have bought that car. But with a little prodding and encouragement, it was done. I appreciated that several times yesterday I heard that I was worth it. Because I guess part of it is that I don't believe in myself enough - and show me a woman that doesn't have self-image issues and I'll show you a pig that can fly - it seems we all have SOME issue... I asked why he thought I was worth it, and he replied, without hesitation, that I am a good wife and mother and he wanted to show me how much he appreciates the effort I put into my life - caring for the children and him and looking after everything around the house, and he hoped that everytime I got in to drive the car that I would be reminded of how much he believes in me.

Yes, it's just a way to get around. It's a material thing. Despite having bought this car, I still don't believe in consumerism as the be-all, end-all, or a newer car as a sign of personal success - it's not. Reckless consumerism is not sustainable. So it was a hard struggle for me to reconcile buying a newer vehicle in that regard. And as far as what lessons the next generation is learning? At bedtime, I was told, "You know, it's just a car. Sure it's nice, but when I get old enough, I'm just going to ride my bike everywhere. Cars pollute too much and gas will be too expensive." Which put a smile on my face.

The Big City

This weekend, we went a-travelling once again (it has been a very busy month for travels). We headed over to the Big City, where I spent a good deal of time when I was growing up. I solo'd with the kids and was surprised that after 15 yrs away, on a rural island, how uncomfortable I now am in the city. I would lock all the doors when we got in our vehicle, and hide my purse where someone couldn't just reach in and grab it (realizing this doesn't happen often anyway, but it's probably more likely to happen in the big city than it is in our sleepy village of 400 people). I was constantly on-guard as the kids went in separate directions on the playground, beach, or in stores - absolutely paranoid inside my head that they could be kidnapped. Our hotel was half a block from the city's sports stadium, and 50,000 people must've walked by our hotel room one night on the way to the game - again, something we're just not used to anymore - the general noise and stimulation and energy of the city. The other rather disturbing thing we realized as we were coming over was the thick layer of smog surrounding the city - and how when you're in the city, you're breathing in all this pollution. I have heard the analogy that the earth is just like your car's garage - it is a finite space that can only hold so much pollution, and while we don't notice it where we live so much, when you concentrate that many people like in a large city, it becomes apparent, the effects of our small, individual choices in terms of creating or alleviating pollution. All in all, we had a lovely visit to the city, but we were all SO glad to get back to the rural island when it was over!

We went on a miniature train ride, to the children's petting zoo, and to the Aquarium. We rode on public transit (a highlight for the kids!), but the highlight of the weekend was the Pokemon National Championships. It was a LONG day, but after playing 6 rounds, you-know-who was in 38th place - not high enough to make the cut for the semi-finals. A VERY good learning experience overall, as we had never gone to a tournament of any sort before. Some of the players were pretty serious, especially as 1st & 2nd place received free Wii's and paid trips to the Worlds in Orlando, FL next month, among many other prizes!!

And as far as eating raw vegan, you would think in a city of 1+million people that it would be simple to find raw vegan food. Not as easy as I was hoping. We went to a market in the city and picked up some organic fruit for breakfast the next morning. While the kids ordered in pizza that night, I had a salad (which was surprisingly good) from the pizza place. The next day we were at Pokemon all day so I snacked on Larabars and fruit and a veggie snack plate. Dinner we went out and I had a huge salad. And the next day we were heading back home already, after a trip to the one vegan juice bar I could find in the city - which yes, was bliss. I had a green juice and a shot of wheatgrass and a raw apricot nut bar.

Long story short, I did eat some cooked food this weekend and some of it was not even vegan. But you know, it's not about being fanatical in our food choices; it's about doing the best we can in every moment and sometimes, we won't be 100% raw or 100% vegan or whatever, and there is opportunity for forgiveness in these moments. Knowing that of the 1,000+ meals I eat every year that only a handful are cooked and/or not vegan is comforting, indeed, that I can choose, on the whole, to be compassionate towards myself and towards my environment and food.

Toot Toot Tooting my own horn

hey, that's what blogs are for, right? Tooting one's own horn? :p

I was reading the Compost Education Centre's quarterly newsletter when I came across this "Volunteer Spotlight" section and was surprised to find my name in there! Check it out... AND, not only did I get a certificate that says I am now a "Master Composter", I also received $85 of my $100 deposit back from the course I took in March! Fantastico!


Volunteer Spotlight!

We have been delighted by all of our awesome volunteers this season! New volunteers, Tim T and Nicole G completed their CEP practicum in record time!

Tim has contributed to the site, and his building of worm stands has enabled countless school groups to start composting in their classrooms. Tim has lent his height and computer skills to the functioning of the centre also. Thanks Tim!

Nicole has been a stellar addition to our team. She has helped composting around town by attending the Spring Home Show, phoning members for the AGM, leading the Beaveree and assisting in the office. Nicole’s independence and competence are priceless. Thanks Nicole!

Celebrating 9 weeks Raw!!

A few people have asked if I managed to stay raw while at the workshop. Yes, indeedeedoo I did. In fact, I wasn't the only raw vegan at the workshop, to my surprise. There were 2 others who were also raw, so it was nice to have support! Although food was included in the price of the workshop, I came prepared to feed both myself & the children and had brought the cooler and campstove (for the kids) and we did hit the local grocery store a few times throughout the week. I mostly ate fresh fruit for breakfast, Larabars or Raw Organic bars & fruit/veggie sticks for snack time, salad with mango & avocado & sprouts for lunch and sometimes also for dinner, and the first couple days some raw borscht with flax crackers. I feel like I ate quite a bit this past week, but being outside 24/7 and also the physical labour, while not intense all the time, there were times when you were sweating (hauling wheelbarrows full of sand or clay up a hill, for example, or while mixing cob), so I'm sure I was burning more calories than my normal fairly sedentary life at home. Oh, and my water with lemon slices in it. Still managed to get 3-4 Litres in a day, especially on hot days.

I also wanted to share a picture of the Raw Borscht I made before the workshop. I took a litre of it with me in the cooler and ate it for dinner the first couple days with some dehydrated flax crackers (btw I am really enjoying raw black olives on those crackers - try it!). The Borscht recipe was from one of the Boutenko cookbooks - either Fresh (Sergei & Valya Boutenko) or Victoria's 12 steps to Raw Food. It had very complex flavours and was really refreshing and delicious... and bright pink! Check it out...

And... although we are celebrating Canada Day today, I am also feeling very grateful that today I have been raw for 9 weeks!!! It has been a much easier transition than I had thought. At the moment, I am dehydrating pizza crusts so that I can have some raw pizzas in the next few days. I'm also going to make a Banana Lemon Pie (recipe from Raw Rose's cookbook - you can find her online at http://www.rawrose.com/). Simple and yet an elegant presentation. So we'll take that to the birthday dinner we're going to later today (where there is unlikely to be much raw food - I think the plan is for fish & chips!). So I'll bring a big green salad and the banana pie.

HAPPY CANADA DAY!