Communication Skills

I've been thinking lately about the importance of good communication skills. Have you ever experienced conflict or controversy? Do you ever reflect on (and take responsibility for) how you could learn to communicate better?

I like the work of Marshall Rosenberg on Nonviolent Communication. It is a great (in my opinion) framework for good communication and can be learned and practiced by children. Another good book is Robert Bolton's People Skills (which is recommended by La Leche League). I took a couple Group Behaviour courses when I was at university, which were really helpful in understanding how I behave in groups and in conflict.

I am learning, as I grow through life, to speak mindfully. I try to stay conscious of which thoughts I'm having are judgments and I consciously set them aside. I know that I don't always speak up when I'm feeling stress or conflict in a relationship. (btw, here's a red flag: I read that holding in resentments can actually cause cancer. CANCER, people. Do you see how important it is we learn to communicate well?!) I have a difficult time initiating conflict. Conflict isn't seen as a good thing, most of the time, even though it is such a great opportunity for growth and for a deeper relationship to develop. Often, I'll talk myself out of it - well, that's your opinion, this is mine, I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree. Is that the ONLY solution? Is it an ACCEPTABLE solution? Often not, and yet, sometimes we're so entrenched in our opinions and judgments that we have a very difficult time seeing (and respecting) others' opinions and working through to an acceptable resolution. (I will ask myself, WHY am I holding on so dearly to this judgment/opinion? Why can't I just let it go? It's an opportunity to examine why we are willing to give this judgment so much energy).

When I was a kid, I was easily overwhelmed by difficult emotions. When I got angry, I'd stomp down the hallway and slam my bedroom door. Eventually my parents took the door off my room as punishment. But that didn't help me sort through my heavy emotions. Then when my dh and I moved in together, when conflict would arise, I'd grab the keys and head for the door. "I just need some time alone," I'd say. But the reality is that when I went for a drive, or a jog around the lake, or just out shopping - whatever your crutch may be - that I'd return all refreshed but still have to deal with the conflict. I'd attempt to sweep it under the rug, but would never actually come back, sit and resolve it. He has helped me see the benefit in talking through these difficult emotions - in giving each other the space to have emotions - no judgments on them. This has been critical for my growth - learning to respect myself and the other person as human beings, and seeing that "I am not my emotions," and that emotions aren't things to be feared - I like to think of them as clouds, passing across a brilliant blue sky (which is more like the truth of who I am, and who you are). No attachment to the emotion - whether it's happiness, sadness, anger. They just drift by. There's no need for me to create drama around them.

Giving others the respect we all want and deserve can be difficult if we're just in a casual interaction. If you're driving down the road and buddy cuts you off, you don't even know who he is, so you figure it's alright to lash out and release some anger on him - you might tailgate or swear or give him the finger. But how does any of that help? When someone cuts me off, I can now say, geez, I didn't feel safe when he did that, but maybe he's on his way to a family emergency, maybe he's having a really hard day; he's not intentionally trying to take it out on me, not intentionally trying to make me feel unsafe. But what if someone IS intentionally trying to infringe upon your boundaries? How do you learn to initiate conflict and resolve it? This is really challenging (for me, anyways), but I do recall reading about it in Rosenberg's work - I should revisit that.

For me, communication skills are so KEY to our growth, both as individuals and within Community. Learning how to interact well with others is so important; it's a wonder why as a society we don't value it more - why isn't it a part of our daily fabric? a part of what we pass along to our children? Something for all of us to mindfully keep working on, always.

Angela-la-la-la-la's Talk

Last night I headed into town to hear Angela Stokes, of www.rawreform.com, talk about her experiences on raw food for the past 6 1/2 yrs. I had planned on leaving my children with a friend, when at the last minute, she decided to come with me, so her husband (to whom I'm very grateful) took on the childcare responsibilities for the evening. It was wonderful for her & I to get out together as we haven't had the opportunity in far too long.

Angela's talk last night was fantastic. She is well-spoken and appeared at ease in front of the larger (~50) crowd. She shared her story, her journey to raw foods, shared her top tips for staying raw, and talked about the emotional journey that can accompany a diet of raw foods. I think for me I was really glad to hear her experiences with travelling and raw food (especially with our upcoming holiday and knowing how I struggled to stay committed to raw foods on the road trip in the summer - lack of planning there) and also the social issues surrounding raw food - how do you have a social life on raw foods (check it out on you tube; she's a very good singer!). All in all, a really inspiring evening.

I remember before going raw, I had already been vegan for 2 yrs. I had taken the occasional day in there to go raw, so I knew, while contemplating going raw (and I was very much inspired reading Angela's site & blog), that I could manage for a day. But more than a day? an entire week? well, I wasn't sure if I could make it that long. In retrospect, knowing I could go an entire day on raw foods has saved me. Every moment, I am reminded that yes, I can make it through just one day, just one meal. And what is life but not a series of days or of moments? That's all there is to it - just one meal, one moment, one day at a time. Next thing you know, I've been raw for nearly 5 months and counting....

Thank-you Angela for your inspiration and for being a role-model. So nice to meet you! :)

Boating and Voting

Went out boating today for many hours. First time this year/season and it was very calm and absolutely wonderful. Rocking away (my eyes still feel like they're rolling on the sea) on the gentle waves. Until a rogue wave comes!!! I have no idea where it came from, but at one point, all 3 adults are simply not aware, but ds suddenly says, Grampa, Wave ahead! and sure enough, coming straight for the boat, is this wave - there were about 3, very quick in succession, and very big (says me who's used to a rowing scull which would flip on the slightest ocean wave) - they were probably 4' waves, which on a 26' boat IS pretty big - not enough to flip the boat, but enough to dump everything out of the cabinets and onto the floor, and to toss the kids around a fair bit. Luckily we had enough time to turn head on and it was still a good ride, for the maybe 5 seconds as it passed. Thank GOODNESS for the acute peripheral vision of my son!!

While we were heading down to the marina, we passed an election sign. ds asked what it was all about and we had a discussion about voting. He wanted to know how would we know what each candidate wanted to change if elected - he said he wanted to know, even though he knew he wasn't old enough to vote. So we talked about the televised debates and then he made up a game where I was the MC/interviewer/broadcaster and he & his sister were the candidates and suddenly we were having this mock tv debate in the car. DD was so funny; she said she'd paint all the houses in Canada purple if elected (her fave colour)! But soon it got serious and we were discussing transportation, housing, health care, education, the economy, energy and resources, the environment, and more... BIG issues for children to consider. DS was so eager to discuss it all, and his solutions were really innovative and creative. It was great fun... and educational. I LOVE homeschooling. ;)

Raw Food in Victoria...

Angela's coming to town! Angela Stokes (www.rawreform.com) is coming to Victoria - Wednesday September 17th, 7-9 p.m. at Cafe Bliss on Pandora (next to Mo:Le). Angela is a British raw foodist who lost an amazing amount of weight and achieved radiant health on raw foods. No ticket necessary; $10 at the door.

Speaking of Cafe Bliss, the kids & I headed down there yesterday. It was very enjoyable. The atmosphere is simplistically beautiful (I especially loved the skylights allowing daylight in) and the food was deeeelicious. The kids had the daily special smoothie (apricot, banana, and almond mylk?) and I had a Berry Green (orange, banana, blueberry, spinach). The kids also had a kids' plate with some of the most delicious flax crackers I've yet tried - tasted cinnamony with cranberries in them. I had a Sombrio salad (marinated kale, kelp, arugula, cucumber, daikon radish, grated carrot, red onion, and fresh ginger, marinated shitakes and cashews with a orange/miso dressing). The salad was really good - the fresh ginger was JUST the right touch. More importantly, watching them prepare your food, it was clearly evident they were being mindful and loving towards the food and it really came through in the taste of the food. It looked beautiful, it tasted beautiful, and was infused with love. Check it out at www.cafebliss.com at 556 Pandora in Victoria.

Not-Back-To-School Picnic

The big yellow school bus rolled by at 07:25 this morning, and once again, my children were not waiting to get on - in fact, they weren't even awake yet. We will begin the school year by celebrating our decision to homeschool with other local homeschooling families by having a picnic on the beach. So this afternoon, despite the clouds, we will head out and join as many as 100 other families down at the beach. This will be our 5th year of attending and it is wonderful to see the familiar and the new faces each year. Attending the picnic builds a sense of community when we don't all live next door to one another. And although we may each have our own approaches to homeschooling - some may unschool, some may do 'school at home', some may homeschool for religious reasons; there are as many approaches to homeschooling as there are families who homeschool - we are all welcome to join each other in celebrating the decision we feel is right for our children.

Picking up 'school supplies' consisted of running shoes and rubber boots, a spiral logbook/notebook so I can record our daily activities and conversations and learning, and a new backpack for each child, since their old ones were worn right through. The children don't need a whack of new clothes or new pencils or certain brand names on their stuff. After all, they've been learning all summer. Just because school's not 'in', doesn't mean learning doesn't happen, and it's important for children - for all of us - to realize that.

September plans: connect with Learning Consultant and formulate Learning Plan, begin swimming lessons and register for skating, attend a one-day field trip where the kids will be doing rock climbing, archery, and orienteering...

Supporting Canadian Women in Business...

I was looking over the nominees for the Mom Entrepreuener Award at www.saavymom.ca that's on right now (because I personally know two of the nominees), and I was really impressed by some of these Canadian women - managing to balance family responsibilities with earning an income. Here are some links to some of these businesses, both near and far, you might want to check out and possibly support. And while you're at it, why not vote for your personal favourite at http://www.momentrepreneuraward.ca/

In no particular order:

Concierge Home Services (Ottawa) - http://www.conciergehomeservices.com/ - offering pet and house sitting, cleaning, and more

Victoria Concierge (Victoria) - http://www.victoriaconcierge.com/ - similar to above, also offers relocation services and local tours.

Little Earth Children's Store (Vancouver) - http://www.littleearthvancouver.com/ - Kids' consignment store

Salts Organic (Sooke, BC) - http://www.saltsorganic.com/ - Designer clothing for women, men, and children

Elephant Shoe (Winnipeg) - http://www.elephant-shoe.ca/ - Kids' store

Happy Mail for Kids - http://www.happymailforkids.ca/ - You can subscribe and have a mail parcel delivered, one-time or repeat, with things kids will love!

Little Ones Tack Shop (Newmarket, ON) - http://www.littleonestackshop.com/ - Yes, all things horsey for little people

Mountain Blue Eyes (Red Deer) - http://www.mountainblueeyes.com/ - Nursingwear for the active mother

Otter Bottle - http://www.otterbottle.ca/ - Stainless Steel water bottles (although I didn't like that they were made in china, personally)

Lil Inkers (Lake Cowichan, BC) - http://www.lilinkers.ca/ - environmentally-aware children's clothes with a slogan

And while we're at it, a plug for Timeless Spirit online magazine, published by a women entrepreuner: http://www.timelessspirit.com/

There was a letter to the editor in the local newspaper a few weeks ago that said "kudos to all the women in business in Sooke!" We are fortunate to have many thriving businesses, like Souki Sushi, Sea of Bloom flower shop (also do weddings), Nut Pop Thai restaurant, Double D Gardens & Nursery, just to name a few...

Shop local, and have a great day!
~n~

Shirley Day

Today is our community's annual event, Shirley Day - always the second Sunday in August. It starts with a 4 km family fun run/walk down to the lighthouse and back up (gravel road), followed by a pancake breakfast. The run was my idea last year (I'm on the organizing committee for Shirley Day) to give people in our community an active, fun event to participate in - it's all about healthy living. At 10 a.m., the crafters and vendors are set up in the park adjacent to our community hall and the kids' games are ready to be played. There was a tai chi demo, and music throughout the day (a classical trio, bluegrass band, and chamber vocal ensemble) - all local talent. In celebration of B.C.'s 150th anniversary, a historical display was set up by the local regional museum inside the community hall, along with a pioneer family's collectibles. There were t-shirts for sale with a print of the community hall (last year we had a photo of the lighthouse on the t-shirts which were very popular). One of the community members was giving 15 minute chair shiatsu massages; all proceeds were donated to the community association. A silent auction inside and a concession, featuring burgers, samosas, spanakopita, reportedly-delicious cheesecakes.... There was free watermelon in the afternoon and the kids LOVED the barbie dunk tank and face painting. The afternoon culminated with a salmon barbeque and free birthday cake for B.C.'s 150th, both of which were well-received by the community (our first time having a salmon bbq to end the day). The weather, despite having rained HEAVILY yesterday, was great all day - a little overcast, but the sun did peak out in the afternoon and warm things up. All in all, a very successful event.

And a *huge* round of applause to all the volunteers who make community events like this happen; goodness knows this event is no exception. Every last detail was handled by volunteers - some of whom put in untold hours. This is my definition of COMMUNITY SPIRIT. And it makes me darned proud to live in Shirley.

Now if only I could convince the other committee members to have at least *some* raw food on the menu. It was monumental that they had veggie dogs. So we have a long way to go in that regard.