Career Change Complete!

DH has officially changed careers! 18 months ago he left his previous career in construction and embarked on a new career path. He is now a radio operator with the Coast Guard, after 5 months on the other side of the country at college training and then doing 8 months on the job training. What a relief to have it all behind us now!!! Getting "checked out" means overtime and a raise, and he can begin taking holidays. :) It really is wonderful.

Other news is that the chickens are now laying 6 eggs a day (between 11 of them). Three days ago we got 4 eggs, 2 days ago 5, yesterday 6. Who knows? Today, 7?! The kids are still very interested in collecting eggs. I'd like to find one of those wire egg baskets; maybe in an antique store?

Not much going on; I had a great tai chi class last night and slept like a log (much needed after the 5 hrs of sleep the night before). Today I'm hoping to go get my hair trimmed and run a few errands... sans enfants. It's funny because some people say it's healthy for moms to take time away from their kids regularly when they're really young. I've had a hard time doing that - I know my infants needed me close by, so I've invested the time when they're that age, and now that they are 9 & 5, they're getting much more comfortable with me going off alone... even as long as a weekend away. The flip side of it is that I always knew that for me, too much time away from my children would be... well, I knew if I ignored my baby's needs and went off alone that I'd want more and more time away from the child - I feared I would come to regret ever having had children, and regret having to come back to meet my child's needs. Maybe it's an irrational fear, but really, I guess I feared I would enjoy the time alone a little too much. As it is, I don't regret having my children at all. I don't regret investing the time and energy I have into their upbringing, being their for them when they needed me. I believe that having a parent there to fully meet an infant or young child's needs helps that child meet the need, and move on to the next developmental stage more securely and quickly than a child who's left to meet his or her own needs alone. Certainly though, the first say 5 years of a child's life are INTENSE in terms of needing to have a loving adult there to help them meet their needs. There are other countries (I think it's Sweden) where parents are given a really long parental leave after the birth or adoption of a child - I think it's like 2 or even 3 YEARS. Compared to what's available in the States, where I hear of mothers having to put infants as young as 3 weeks in care so they can return to work, Sweden looks mighty attractive. :) In Canada we have, I believe, one year of benefits available. This is better than the 6 months leave that was available here a decade ago. It really speaks to the values of a society. Do we value our children enough to invest in quality care - i.e. a loving parent available to meet their needs? I'm sorry, but I've worked in daycare as a fill-in and one adult with 7 children under 7 years of age (of which 5 are under 5, of those 3 can be under 3, and 1 under 1 yr) - how can one adult POSSIBLY meet the needs of these children? Sure, there are families where the children may be spaced as such, but I would argue that's REALLY uncommon around here. Yep, it all comes down to the values of a society. Do we value families? Do we value stay-at-home parents? Do we value our children?

Anyways, you've got me going on a rant now. I just wanted to say I'm going out on errands without children today. LOL Enjoy your day!

Namaste'
~n~

Raw Food makes you happy!

I read somewhere or heard someone say that after 6 months on a raw diet they were suddenly aware that they'd been HAPPY for the majority of the previous 6 months. It was such a subtle, yet major, change in their life. I've now been vegan for nearly 3 1/2 yrs and have been raw the past 16 months and I, too, agree with this observation. For the most part, I'm nearly always content now, which is a huge, yet subtle change to how I was before. SAD foods (it's an acronym for Standard American Diet) make you, well, sad. Literally. You won't know what I'm talking about unless you try raw foods for even 30 days and see if you don't notice a difference for yourself.

Today I've had so much energy. I've been feeling really positive and upbeat and just generally peaceful and calm within. It's wonderful. I feel so blessed. And whenever cooked food tempts me, I just remember how much better I feel after eating something raw. Think about how delicious a fresh apricot is, instead of a bowl of starchy, white-flour-y noodles or something equally cooked. Blech. No appeal when you compare it to a piece of fresh fruit, or fresh vegetable.

We were driving the other day and all I had were fresh vegetables in the car and the children were hungry. My son ate an entire (huge) organic tomato... as a snack. And loved it. We have very few food issues with the children because they eat what is available in the home and also what they see me eating as a healthy role model. No soda pop, no store-bought juices, no chips, no packaged convenience foods like fruit roll-ups or granola bars, no candy, no store-bought ice cream, no yogurt (too much sugar in the store-bought stuff)... But we DO have lots of fresh organic fruit and veggies, lots of homemade yogurt, bread, fresh eggs, air-popped organic popcorn, nuts, seeds, dried foods and generally lots of yummy raw goodness to go around, and they're not hurtin' - they're not deprived at all. ;) And for the record, I'm not anal about not allowing these things I've just mentioned into the house. It's just that we don't routinely have them in the house, which makes eating them a non-issue, generally.

Today I've had:

• about 1/2 L of soaking water, as well as about 10 or 15 soaked organic prunes. yummy
• a total of 2L of green smoothie (a bunch of kale, 3 bananas, some frozen blackberries, huckleberries, & blueberries, about 15 or so chlorella tablets, some maca powder and about 1/4 tsp camu camu berry powder and some water) - I had 1L in the morning and another L around lunchtime. I must remember not to put so many chlorella tablets in. A bit too chlorophyll-y with the first couple sips. You get used to it as you drink it, though. LOL
• some fresh red pepper slices, a white Japanese turnip sliced, a few sticks of celery, with some raw ceasar dressing
• a key lime Larabar (i'm not certain they're 100% raw; the packages no longer say "uncooked") - a snack while out driving
• 1 oz clarity chocolate with gojiis and blue-green algae. Don't often get these; an extra-special treat - a snack while I was out running errands
• 14 oz mega veggie juice from Jugo Juice (beets, carrot, celery, cucumber, spinach, ginger, I think)
• a cup or so of raw carob-avocado pudding. Had to lick the bowl, right? ;)

Lots of fresh pure water, and that's about it. Tonight I made raw pesto and put it in the freezer - I had fresh basil and zucchini. :) And I made the children (and dh) a zucchini cake as well, which smells yummy. Our freshest of fresh eggs that we get from our hennies now make baking EXTRA fluffy!! And I've got some fresh cabbage sliced and it's "soaking" in a little salt right now. I'll make some raw coleslaw tomorrow with it.

I'm looking for a juicer. A GreenStar, preferably; either that, or a Champion. If you know where I can find one, please contact me. I'm preparing to begin juicing Sept 1st. We'll just take it day by day, but I'm hoping to juice for 92 days - up to and including December 1st. We'll see. Like I say, day by day. :) I might be able to borrow a juicer, but if that doesn't pan out, I'd like to have a backup plan in place.

tai chi's not just for old fogeys!!!!!!

today i was up before dawn. rowed 2.5 kms, got ready and was out the door by 6:30 so that i could drop the children off at their grandparents as i headed to a full-day tai chi intensive or workshop. i do these 2 or 3 (or 4) times a year to keep up on my instructor accreditation, and also because they're so much FUNNNNNNNN.

Had a fabulous day doing tai chi with 60+ other people, from all over the place - some were visiting from winnipeg & sudbury! Although the workshop ran 6.5 hours, this includes snack breaks and a long meal break, so really, we probably actively did about a good 5 hours of tai chi throughout the day. It's like a 5 hour massage of your internal organs and spine. (Can you imagine what you'd pay for a 5 hour massage at the spa?!?)

I had a conversation with someone after, while we were waiting in the sunshine at the ferry terminal. He said Taoist Tai Chi has a marketing or image problem, in his opinion, in that it's not actively marketed to younger people (i.e. under 50). There are people in our club who are in their early 50s who have been practising for 20+ yrs, which means they began when they were in their 20s and 30s. So what attracted them to tai chi and how do we market to people in that demographic (20s, 30s) today? These are very good questions. The person I was talking to this afternoon said that to market to younger people we have to show how tai chi benefits other activities in one's life - like how it can improve our performance in other sports and activities. I laughed inwardly because one of the best-kept secrets about tai chi is the enhanced (ahem) performance, if you know what i mean. LOL (ooooh i'm blushing) Not only that, you'll sleep more solidly after practising tai chi. In terms of benefits to cross-training, you'll focus longer, more intensely, have greater flexibility, lung capacity, enhanced circulation.... so many benefits that will help in other sports. I not only do tai chi, I also row regularly, and it definitely makes a difference - regular tai chi practice, that is, on my rowing practice. I think this fellow's right. Tai chi needs to be seen as a beneficial activity for all ages, not just for older people.

On that note, I'm off to enjoy a "tai chi sleep". :)
~namaste~

reflections on the week past & the week ahead...

The new moon this week pulled serious force over this house. LMAO This may well be tmi for some, but Thursday night we went out and left our puppy in her crate inside the kitchen (my idea, not dh's, I'll admit). We were out for 3 1/2 hrs. When we returned, we were greeted with the worse mess you could POSSIBLY imagine. Even though it was 10:30 at night, we had to bathe the dog, hose the crate out outside, and wash and disinfect the floors and walls. Poor dog. Friday she slept most of the day; I think she'd exhausted herself (probably crying) and pooping most of the time we were gone. I said to dh that it was 10x worse than any diaper-blow-out our children had ever had. WAYYYYYY worse. LMAO

And my emotional volatility on Wednesday night I chalked up to PMS. Why I experience PMS some months and not others is beyond me. Sometimes I wish I had a "hormone mood ring" tattooed on my body - one that would change colours when my body was experiencing hormonal upheaval. Alas, until that happens, mindfulness seems to be the piece of the puzzle I need to work on. I do know when to expect my period, within a day or two; I should know by now to be a little more compassionate and mindful in the days leading up to my period.

I feel like I'm being led in some very clear directions in my life:
- regular meditation practice
- regular Reiki sessions
- regular Tai Chi practice
(regular in these instances meaning 'daily')
- I'm intending to complete a 92-day juicefeast this fall. Not sure how many people I'm going to share that info with; some in my life will be more supportive than others. Sept 1 - Dec 1st (inclusive) are the tentative dates - so I only really run through Thanksgiving and one (extended) family birthday during this time where I might run into some resistance from others, where I *know* I'll be sharing meals with others and will need to plan ahead. Getting things in order for the feast - borrowing a (Champion) juicer, planting extra greens in the garden, preparing to bulk-order apples, carrots, celery, cucumbers, etc. In these last 10 days on solid food, though, I'm consciously trying to "lighten" my food intake - less "heavy" foods and more smoothies (I'm already having 2+L a day, sometimes 3!), more dark leafy green salads and fresh fruit, less complicated food combinations. Also trying to use up some of the staples that won't really last for 3 months - using up nuts and seeds or freezing them for later.
- continuing to exercise regularly; I row 100 kms a month (5 kms a day, 20 days a month). Usually though it ends up being 6 kms a day for 16 or 17 days because of procrastination. The kids are keen on getting a rebounder and I think it would be a great thing to have in the house - everyone would enjoy bouncing on it, but it's important to get one that will last. I found a new one for $40, but am thinking of saving up for a better quality one like a Bellicon.

I think that's all I have on my mind right now. We're heading into an extremely stressful week for dh's job; that's where our positive energy and intentions will need to be, through the middle of next week. Nonetheless, dh & I realize how blessed we really are; we have such an abundance of comfort in our lives - comfortable housing and clothing, access to an abundance of healthy food, supportive relationships, cars and pets - so much to be grateful for already.

Namaste'
~n~

Oy Vey.

So everything yesterday went great. I exercised, I enjoyed some lovely raw food throughout the day, I went out for a few hours in the evening with a girlfriend and had a really enjoyable time. Then I come home and start my "rackets". Dh & I learned about "rackets" in a Landmark Education Seminar we've both taken (at various times). A racket is basically that voice in your head, that comes up quite, well, unconsciously at times... and we play the whole scenario over and OVER again in our lives, because we get some sort of Payoff from it - in some sick way, we find it rewarding.

So here's the racket I play over and over again. Maybe sharing it with you will help me sort through it.

So I come home from my evening out, and it's 9:30 at night. It's dark. The rock music is on, a tad loud for my liking (and I don't find the lyrics appropriate for the children), the lights in every room of the house are on (there's no way dh & the 2 kids can be in so many rooms at once; wasting electricity must be a pet peeve of mine, I now realize), dh is playing his guitar along with the music in the living room, the kids aren't in their pajamas yet, not yet ready for bed. Although I left the kitchen tidy, I returned to find all the dinner dishes still sitting there, the leftovers still sitting on the stove. The dog was out of water, the outside evening chores not done (chickens not closed in for the night, they were out of water, the shed door was still open). Yadda yadda. I pretty much walked in and found fault with everything I looked at. WHY?!?!??!?! Why couldn't I have seen that they were all having a great evening together, and so had I been, and really, none of this was the end of the world?!

Okay, so in my MIND, I was HOPING that I would return to: a house where the children were bathed, teeth-brushed, in bed reading a story. I was hoping that the chores would all be done - outside chores and inside, a clean kitchen, laundry put away, and dh would be waiting for me, making my return somehow special, yadda yadda. I wanted to feel appreciated - like all the times I do these things around the house to make our lives somehow more organized are valued by the others in the house. I turned it into a "if they loved me, they'd show me by..." thing, and that's NOT fair to them to do that. I can see that (today). LOL

So WHY do I expect so much?! Well, partly because my whole life seems to be about RESPONSIBILITY. When I was a kid, I remember my parents saying, "oh ~n~, you're the resonsible one". And teaching me to take pride in being responsible. I don't MIND doing the majority of the housework and chores around here - I actually ENJOY (take pride in) doing a good job, whether it be folding laundry or raising our children. I think partly I'm jealous that dh spent the evening playing with the kids and just didn't seem bothered by the housework that wasn't done. It simply didn't cross his mind that at some point these things needed to be done.

The other part of it is that I'm a middle child and I know I have some unmet needs from growing up. I have a really strong need for RECOGNITION. I think on some level I like to do a lot of the housework around here, and even in volunteering I take on more than I should because it's like I'm jumping up and down, trying my hardest to get noticed. There is definitely a sense of insecurity there; like I'm not worthy unless I prove myself by doing, by accomplishing. Simply "being" isn't enough to make you stand out. At least, that's not how I grew up. ;) So I struggle with trying to accept myself, just BEING, not DOING. I hear it when my dd says things like, "Mom, you never have time to play with me. You're always to busy doing housework!" That hurts so much to hear that. So I try to stop myself from accomplishing everything on the never-ending to-do list, and take time out to colour in her colouring book with her, or play Pokemon with ds, or go for a walk with them to the beach. Take time to just hang out.

This is about as far as I've gotten in figuring it out. Reading Thich Naht Hanh's book, Anger, this morning - I see how mindfulness is a wonderful antidote to unconscious rackets that play in our heads. I'm aware that I've played this scenario over a few times now, and the payoff is that I get to be a martyr. When we are suffering, we unconsciously lash out at others when we're not mindful, thinking that making others suffer will somehow alleviate our own suffering. This is simply not the case. Mindfulness makes us stop and think about our unconscious rackets, helps us stop them in their tracks. With awareness we can see that there is only an illusion of self and others. We are all interconnected. There is no separation between ourselves and others. No duality. Then we can see that when we suffer, already those around us suffer. Without a happy mama, how can others around her be happy?

So today I practice mindfulness.

Breathing in, I calm myself.
Breathing out, I smile.

Namaste
~n~

We may all have 24 hours in a day (however many minutes that is), but this library computer says I have 2 minutes left on this login. LOL

All is fantastically well today. This year of Jupiter in Aquarius is absolute BLISS. I'm loving it, myself, although my dh, who's in his Year of the Ox is having a HELL of a challenging time with work. It'll all pass though.

I'm going to plant seeds in the kids' garden today. We had a family Pokemon tournament this morning and the dog & I picked huckleberries at dawn together. :) awwwwwww. so sweet.

anyways now i have 30 seconds.
peace.
out

~namaste~

So I think I mentioned that I neglected to exercise much for about 9 days there last week. OOPS. I think the only exercise I got was one tai chi class in there. So a couple days ago, I was DETERMINED to get back into it. I did two sets of tai chi in the morning, rowed a fast 6 kms in the afternoon, and did another set of tai chi before bed.

Next morning, I woke up with a lump in one of my lymph nodes. At first, I was a little panicked. Where the heck did this lump come from so suddenly overnight?! What IS it?! It was a painful, hard lump, about the size of a small egg. Once I realized it was a lymph node, I knew that the lack of exercise for over a week had definitely affected the circulation of lymph tissue in my body. OBVIOUSLY. Two days now I've had this lump. It's not painful when I'm awake at all, unless I'm touching it (which I try not to). I'm hoping continued exercise will help it go away on its own, as well as Reiki, which I've been doing often lately.

And then as if that weren't enough, an area fairly close to the lymph node got bit by some sort of insect during the night (spider, probably, I'm guessing) - about 8 or 10 small bites, all clustered together. I've been putting lavender oil on them - it's really good for relieving itching. Plus I smell nicer. LOL

It made me think about how health issues first manifest in our energy fields before becoming physical manifestations. What am I to learn from these issues - that's what I'm left wondering... I believe that if we can take care of our health at the level of our energy fields, then I think we can avert more critical health care issues that are allowed to manifest when we ignore our health on different levels. If we only focus on physical health, but ignore our emotional and mental health, or our spiritual health, or even our financial health, or what have you, then we're not looking at the whole picture, are we. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. I'm left thinking that I need to really spend more time learning Reiki, Tai Chi, Meditation... these things are where I feel I'm being led in my life.

Oh, and can I just add (although this may be TMI for some, LMAO) that the lack of exercise also gave me rank BO last week?! I kept thinking, holymother, this is INSANE. I (sometimes) use a natural deodorant (Nature's Gate), but it seemed completely ineffective against the detoxing my body was trying to accomplish (why we try to stop our body from detoxing is purely due to social stigma, imo; we should be ENCOURAGING our bodies to detox, even if it means unbearable BO from time to time). And what HAVE I learned from this whole thing? Sweating daily during regular exercise is SOOOOOOOO important for our bodies - it helps circulate lymph tissue, it allows our body to detox through the sweating so we don't smell like we haven't showered in three months (LOL), it is so beneficial for regulating our hormone levels, for giving our muscles tone and as a stress reliever, yadda yadda....

So now? NO PROCRASTINATING. EACH DAY I will sweat. I will exercise. I will moooooooooooove my brilliant, beautiful body. Right now. ;)