life is FLYING by this week. there's just so much to do!!! okay, okay, most of it is not stuff i HAVE to do, but stuff i WANT to do. things like hanging the laundry out to dry instead of throwing it in the energy-consuming dryer. it takes time to hang the laundry and then go and bring it back in later. more time than throwing it in the dryer, anyways. but it's a matter of principle, ya know.
anyways the week has just zoomed by. i've been exercising, doing housework, we've been homeschooling, going to activities, paying bills, trying to organize things like getting our day-old chicks which are apparently coming tomorrow (EEKS! i'm soooo not ready for them yet!) and getting the car serviced (oops it's 5,000 kms overdue for servicing... yes, i got a lecture from dh about that), ds's upcoming birthday party.... but all in all, the days are great and things are ticking along...
i haven't had time to make any flax crackers this week. i've been having a lot of green smoothies as the 1 lb org spinach was on sale at the grocery store, as were bananas, and i have a freezer FULL of blue and raspberries. so lots of smoothies. it's funny how some days i'm so hungry and eat and eat and eat all day and other days i can easily stop eating at 4 in the afternoon and just have water until bedtime. all depends.
anyways not much of an update, really. dh & i are planning a weekend away coming up - a romantic weekend at a secluded cabin with fireplace and hottub and couples' massage... it's the first time in 9 years we're having more than a single night away together... in fact, it's the first time i'll be away from the children for more than 24 hrs (actually, i have been away from ds for longer, but not dd). anyways, i think he & i are both looking very much forward to some time alone together ("alone together" - there's an oxymoron).
that's all i have to report. must go bring the laundry in and put another load out and then off to the chiropractor and then passport photos and then to a permaculture workshop tonight at the local uni, and then home to set up the chicks' heat lamp and cage so it's all up-to-temperature when we bring them home tomorrow. busy busy BUSY!!!!!
remembering to breathe deeply and enjoy this moment...
and again....
and again....
namaste
~n~
16 April 2009
12 April 2009
Happy Easter!
Happy Easter!! The Easter Bunny came and spread joy throughout the house this morning... that is, if you're a kid... Dad just wanted to go back to sleep! ;) There were ~5 dozen plastic eggs hidden throughout the living room and stairs, filled with fresh organic strawberries (yes, imported from California), green grapes (also imported), raw chocolates from Cafe Bliss (about 4 chocolate egg halfs each and one large bunny), and some no-sugar-added E-Fruiti gummy bears. Did my children notice that there was no commercial chocolates or jelly beans? No. They sure loved being able to eat as much of the fresh fruit & raw chocolates as they liked first thing in the morning!! lol
I've made a chocolate tart with strawberries for dessert tonight and a banana-strawberry pie for tomorrow night (we're heading out to family's each night). I'll take pics in a minute... (I haven't gotten around to thinking about what I might actually eat for a meal - collard wraps? nori rolls? kale salad?.... lol, I'm just making sure we all enjoy dessert!!!)
Hey, I was just looking at Sherri's blog over at http://greenandcrunchy.blogspot.com/ (yes, I could hyperlink that over her name, but I'm too lazy, I guess).... anyways, I got wondering what kind of appliances you really enjoy having in your kitchen - raw or not. Looks like Sherri has a vacuum packer thing - that would be useful, I think.
Here's what appliances I use regularly:
- my VitaMix 5000 blender. I use it every day for something or other! Juicing, smoothies, making pates, nut milks... you can do SO much with this appliance. DEFINITELY worth the investment. Someone recently told me that measured with a gaussmeter (magnetometer), VitaMixes are actually really high for EMR (electromagnetic radiation)... significantly higher than this person's microwave, I was told. I don't know. I use the thing EVERY day, SEVERAL times a day. It would be such a shame to find out it's radiating a high electromagnetic field. I've sent an email off to VitaMix to find out if it's been tested for EMR.
- the Braun food processor. We got this as a wedding present nearly 12 yrs ago. It's taken such a beating - several pieces have broken off over the years, but again, this is something I use EVERY day. I'm considering getting a new one, but this one works just fine, even if some of the motor is exposed (yikes!). It's pretty loud when I'm processing nuts initially, too - I wonder how it would fare on the gaussmeter...
- I have a Nesco food dehydrator (4 tray). It's a $40 dehydrator (circular trays with the fan down the middle), but it's been quite decent over the years, and especially this past year with the amount of dehydrating I've done (flax crackers, dried fruit, etc). But upgrading to an Excalibur 9-tray is definitely on the wish-list. :)
- other tools in my raw kitchen: Spirooli slicer, cutting boards, knives (including a cleaver for opening coconuts) - and I can't say enough about having high-quality kitchen tools (I would love to get a set of Cutco knives, but I do like our set of Henkels), large and small grater, a manual glass citrus juicer, parchment paper is handy, spatulas, nut milk bags, glass pie dishes (I'd like to get one with a nice fluted edge), lots of canning jars and lids for soaking and storing foods and drinking smoothies & juices out of, wicker baskets from Chinatown that I sprout in, bamboo sushi rolling mat, colanders, strainers, and mixing bowls... OH! and a large compost bucket, of course!!! ;) 'cuz I make a WHOLE LOTTA compost on a raw vegan diet!!!
Things I'm looking into getting:
- upgrading the dehydrator
- possibly a new food processor
- a juicer. I don't have one. When I did the 45 day juicefeast last fall, I blended everything in the VitaMix and then strained through the nut milk bag.
- glass straws
- a new cutting board (I'm rather embarassed to say I have 2 old plastic ones and 2 wood ones that are both split)
- hmmmm, now I'm wondering how often people use their vacuum sealer? (I think my parents might have one of those) What about a mandolin - do you have one and use it regularly?
What kind of appliances or kitchen tools do you have that I've not thought of?
and of course, hoppy easter to you all. :) however you choose to celebrate this time off work. lol
p.s. i'd be remiss if i didn't add that dh brought home some delicious chili almonds from Gorilla Foods, as well as some sunny ginger nori flax crackers and sweet snack bars (like a thicker flax cracker with raisins and sweetness in it). i was spoiled! and BOY those almonds were good. mmmmm.
I've made a chocolate tart with strawberries for dessert tonight and a banana-strawberry pie for tomorrow night (we're heading out to family's each night). I'll take pics in a minute... (I haven't gotten around to thinking about what I might actually eat for a meal - collard wraps? nori rolls? kale salad?.... lol, I'm just making sure we all enjoy dessert!!!)
Hey, I was just looking at Sherri's blog over at http://greenandcrunchy.blogspot.com/ (yes, I could hyperlink that over her name, but I'm too lazy, I guess).... anyways, I got wondering what kind of appliances you really enjoy having in your kitchen - raw or not. Looks like Sherri has a vacuum packer thing - that would be useful, I think.
Here's what appliances I use regularly:
- my VitaMix 5000 blender. I use it every day for something or other! Juicing, smoothies, making pates, nut milks... you can do SO much with this appliance. DEFINITELY worth the investment. Someone recently told me that measured with a gaussmeter (magnetometer), VitaMixes are actually really high for EMR (electromagnetic radiation)... significantly higher than this person's microwave, I was told. I don't know. I use the thing EVERY day, SEVERAL times a day. It would be such a shame to find out it's radiating a high electromagnetic field. I've sent an email off to VitaMix to find out if it's been tested for EMR.
- the Braun food processor. We got this as a wedding present nearly 12 yrs ago. It's taken such a beating - several pieces have broken off over the years, but again, this is something I use EVERY day. I'm considering getting a new one, but this one works just fine, even if some of the motor is exposed (yikes!). It's pretty loud when I'm processing nuts initially, too - I wonder how it would fare on the gaussmeter...
- I have a Nesco food dehydrator (4 tray). It's a $40 dehydrator (circular trays with the fan down the middle), but it's been quite decent over the years, and especially this past year with the amount of dehydrating I've done (flax crackers, dried fruit, etc). But upgrading to an Excalibur 9-tray is definitely on the wish-list. :)
- other tools in my raw kitchen: Spirooli slicer, cutting boards, knives (including a cleaver for opening coconuts) - and I can't say enough about having high-quality kitchen tools (I would love to get a set of Cutco knives, but I do like our set of Henkels), large and small grater, a manual glass citrus juicer, parchment paper is handy, spatulas, nut milk bags, glass pie dishes (I'd like to get one with a nice fluted edge), lots of canning jars and lids for soaking and storing foods and drinking smoothies & juices out of, wicker baskets from Chinatown that I sprout in, bamboo sushi rolling mat, colanders, strainers, and mixing bowls... OH! and a large compost bucket, of course!!! ;) 'cuz I make a WHOLE LOTTA compost on a raw vegan diet!!!
Things I'm looking into getting:
- upgrading the dehydrator
- possibly a new food processor
- a juicer. I don't have one. When I did the 45 day juicefeast last fall, I blended everything in the VitaMix and then strained through the nut milk bag.
- glass straws
- a new cutting board (I'm rather embarassed to say I have 2 old plastic ones and 2 wood ones that are both split)
- hmmmm, now I'm wondering how often people use their vacuum sealer? (I think my parents might have one of those) What about a mandolin - do you have one and use it regularly?
What kind of appliances or kitchen tools do you have that I've not thought of?
and of course, hoppy easter to you all. :) however you choose to celebrate this time off work. lol
p.s. i'd be remiss if i didn't add that dh brought home some delicious chili almonds from Gorilla Foods, as well as some sunny ginger nori flax crackers and sweet snack bars (like a thicker flax cracker with raisins and sweetness in it). i was spoiled! and BOY those almonds were good. mmmmm.
11 April 2009
GLORIOUS Sunshine....
It is an absolutely BEAUTIFUL sunny day.... and it's mid-afternoon and I'm *STILL* inside. I've been working in the office the past nearly 4 hours and it's time to get out there and enjoy the sun!!!
Yesterday I painted our 9x12 shed, which was only ever half-painted. So I painted like a mad-woman, and got the entire thing painted (I promise I'll post a picture once the trim is up and it's completely finished.... lol, that may be years away still!). I still have to do a second coat on 2 of the 4 walls, but at least it's a good start. And I repainted our front door and the front entry wall which the door is in... it faces the sun (south) and over time the siding just sucks in the stain, so it was looking rather bedraggled before I painted. It felt so GOOD to get a chore done around the house. SO good.
Today I'm off "elf-ing" for Easter tomorrow... we use the plastic eggs, and I typically fill them with: fresh strawberries, dried apricots and cranberries, sometimes some money (ds collects pennies & nickels)... this year I was SO pleased to find some raw chocolate eggs at www.cafebliss.ca downtown, so I grabbed a dozen which will also go in the eggs (and I haven't eaten a single one yet!!). In the past I haven't looked for raw chocolate; instead I've used high quality chocolates like those from Denman Island chocolate. mmmmm.... yummy. Happiest of Easters to you and your families.... :)
Did you hear that Angela Stokes and Matt Monarch are getting hitched on Summer Solstice? Check out www.rawunion.com for more info... I'm actually considering going on a roadtrip to Southern Oregon to join in the celebrating. It sounds like so much fun!! Raw goodness.....
Anyway, not much to report otherwise. I really need to get out in that sunshine and get my elf-ing done. Cheerio
Yesterday I painted our 9x12 shed, which was only ever half-painted. So I painted like a mad-woman, and got the entire thing painted (I promise I'll post a picture once the trim is up and it's completely finished.... lol, that may be years away still!). I still have to do a second coat on 2 of the 4 walls, but at least it's a good start. And I repainted our front door and the front entry wall which the door is in... it faces the sun (south) and over time the siding just sucks in the stain, so it was looking rather bedraggled before I painted. It felt so GOOD to get a chore done around the house. SO good.
Today I'm off "elf-ing" for Easter tomorrow... we use the plastic eggs, and I typically fill them with: fresh strawberries, dried apricots and cranberries, sometimes some money (ds collects pennies & nickels)... this year I was SO pleased to find some raw chocolate eggs at www.cafebliss.ca downtown, so I grabbed a dozen which will also go in the eggs (and I haven't eaten a single one yet!!). In the past I haven't looked for raw chocolate; instead I've used high quality chocolates like those from Denman Island chocolate. mmmmm.... yummy. Happiest of Easters to you and your families.... :)
Did you hear that Angela Stokes and Matt Monarch are getting hitched on Summer Solstice? Check out www.rawunion.com for more info... I'm actually considering going on a roadtrip to Southern Oregon to join in the celebrating. It sounds like so much fun!! Raw goodness.....
Anyway, not much to report otherwise. I really need to get out in that sunshine and get my elf-ing done. Cheerio
09 April 2009
Emotional Attachments to Food
I've heard it said from various raw foodists that "you can eat what you want, as much as you want, on a raw food diet." Well, I'm still not so sure about that - I'm just not there yet. Maybe it's because I haven't yet been raw for an entire year (April 29th)... and I guess I haven't yet completely worked through all the emotional attachment issues I have towards eating and food... I *know* I still have a ways to go down that road... I'm just finding it a real challenge (still) to be mindful of the food that I'm putting in my body.
I grew up in a family where meals typically lasted less than 5 minutes. Yes, you heard me correctly. Our family ate quickly... VERY quickly. And by quickly, I mean, quite literally, dinner would be put on the table at PRECISELY 5:00 p.m., and by 5:04 dishes were being cleared. I'm not kidding. There was no conversation, nothing more than "how was your day?" followed by muffled grunts as we tried to INHALE our meal. (Of course, I thought this was normal!)
Part of it was that I, for one, was always STARVING by mealtime. It was a commonly held (mis)perception in our house that I was overweight as a child... or could become so if my food intake wasn't carefully restricted or at least monitored. I grew up feeling out of control in my relationship towards food. If someone wasn't around, I'd sneak my hand into that lemon-shaped ceramic cookie jar on the counter (I learned how to do it VERY quietly, lol) and grab a couple cookies that, again, I'd inhale before the opportunity came to get caught. I would think obsessively about the baked treats that were in the house... the ones I wasn't allowed to have.
Naturally, not dealing openly with this as I grew up, I moved out and continued this behaviour. Even living alone, when there was no one to be "hiding" my food intake from, I still felt guilt and shame about the obsessive behaviours - sneaking foods, having far more than just one serving of ice cream, or goodies, at once - suddenly, there was no one else to restrict or monitor my eating habits (at what point was I supposed to learn to do this for myself, I ask you!). At least when living with a roommate or loved one I had someone to hide the food from. Alone, it started to occur to me that the way I felt towards food was a little unhealthy. But it took me years to be able to consider dealing with it.
Fast forward and here we are, a year into this raw vegan lifestyle, nearly three years since I went vegan overnight... and like an onion, I'm starting to unpeel the layers. I'm working my way slowly through the Raw Emotions book by Angela Stokes - it is a wonderful book, and it's really helping me begin to make changes. I'm really learning to be more mindful of each bite - the texture, the taste, the smell. And this is a new skill I'm trying on here, because my family-of-origin STILL eats quickly, with no respect given to mindful attention while eating. Not only am I trying to learn mindful-eating myself, I'm being challenged to bring it to my children as well, and into our own family, learning to just enjoy the company, the energy, around the meal, as well as the meal itself.
My ds asked me the other day why people eat together at all. Why don't they just eat when they're hungry, and carry on with their day, he asked. What he was getting at were the emotional attachments people have to food, to eating. Peoples' beliefs about, for example, having to finish everything on their plates, or having to have a bite of each thing on their plate. Things like that. Where do those beliefs come from, he wanted to know? During the conversation, I told him that research has shown, and I've even read a book about it, that families that eat together are more connected with one another - sharing meals creates healthier individuals, healthier families, and ultimately, healthier communities. Families that share regular sit-down meals together have more resilient individuals - they're more relaxed, loving, stress-free. We talked about how the nomadic cave people of pre-historic times would eat together because after hunting a woolly mammoth there would be more food than one person on their own could eat, and besides, the hunting party was not an individual task, by any means, so the fruits of the labour would be shared by all.
But I digress a little... the point is, I'm still trying to learn about healthy eating behaviours and habits, and to foster a new, healthier balanced relationship towards food, trying to uncover the emotional beliefs I have towards food and trying to remain mindful when in the presence of food. I do think I'm on the right track. I just HATE those slip-ups, but I have to embrace them and love them as part of the journey in order to move forward. The lesson I need to learn is not to eat raw 98% of the time, and then binge/overeat the other 1 or 2% of the time. That's just not how I want to treat myself as I move forward in life. LOL Maybe I need to celebrate the 98%, which is a wonderful accomplishment, and NOT focus on the 2%?! (lightbulb appears over my head) :D
I guess I'm a work in progress. We all are, aren't we?! Today I'll work on being more mindful towards my food, consciously saying to myself, "Now I'm eating a pumpkin seed. Now I'm chewing the pumpkin seed, savouring the taste of it..." Seriously, I really need to be that aware of the food I eat. It's just TIME that I learned to deal with this. And I *know* I'm not the only one out there struggling. I also know that others have successfully rebuilt their emotional relationships towards food. I know I can be one of those people, too. :)
Learning self-restraint, self-respect, and self-love,
~n~
I grew up in a family where meals typically lasted less than 5 minutes. Yes, you heard me correctly. Our family ate quickly... VERY quickly. And by quickly, I mean, quite literally, dinner would be put on the table at PRECISELY 5:00 p.m., and by 5:04 dishes were being cleared. I'm not kidding. There was no conversation, nothing more than "how was your day?" followed by muffled grunts as we tried to INHALE our meal. (Of course, I thought this was normal!)
Part of it was that I, for one, was always STARVING by mealtime. It was a commonly held (mis)perception in our house that I was overweight as a child... or could become so if my food intake wasn't carefully restricted or at least monitored. I grew up feeling out of control in my relationship towards food. If someone wasn't around, I'd sneak my hand into that lemon-shaped ceramic cookie jar on the counter (I learned how to do it VERY quietly, lol) and grab a couple cookies that, again, I'd inhale before the opportunity came to get caught. I would think obsessively about the baked treats that were in the house... the ones I wasn't allowed to have.
Naturally, not dealing openly with this as I grew up, I moved out and continued this behaviour. Even living alone, when there was no one to be "hiding" my food intake from, I still felt guilt and shame about the obsessive behaviours - sneaking foods, having far more than just one serving of ice cream, or goodies, at once - suddenly, there was no one else to restrict or monitor my eating habits (at what point was I supposed to learn to do this for myself, I ask you!). At least when living with a roommate or loved one I had someone to hide the food from. Alone, it started to occur to me that the way I felt towards food was a little unhealthy. But it took me years to be able to consider dealing with it.
Fast forward and here we are, a year into this raw vegan lifestyle, nearly three years since I went vegan overnight... and like an onion, I'm starting to unpeel the layers. I'm working my way slowly through the Raw Emotions book by Angela Stokes - it is a wonderful book, and it's really helping me begin to make changes. I'm really learning to be more mindful of each bite - the texture, the taste, the smell. And this is a new skill I'm trying on here, because my family-of-origin STILL eats quickly, with no respect given to mindful attention while eating. Not only am I trying to learn mindful-eating myself, I'm being challenged to bring it to my children as well, and into our own family, learning to just enjoy the company, the energy, around the meal, as well as the meal itself.
My ds asked me the other day why people eat together at all. Why don't they just eat when they're hungry, and carry on with their day, he asked. What he was getting at were the emotional attachments people have to food, to eating. Peoples' beliefs about, for example, having to finish everything on their plates, or having to have a bite of each thing on their plate. Things like that. Where do those beliefs come from, he wanted to know? During the conversation, I told him that research has shown, and I've even read a book about it, that families that eat together are more connected with one another - sharing meals creates healthier individuals, healthier families, and ultimately, healthier communities. Families that share regular sit-down meals together have more resilient individuals - they're more relaxed, loving, stress-free. We talked about how the nomadic cave people of pre-historic times would eat together because after hunting a woolly mammoth there would be more food than one person on their own could eat, and besides, the hunting party was not an individual task, by any means, so the fruits of the labour would be shared by all.
But I digress a little... the point is, I'm still trying to learn about healthy eating behaviours and habits, and to foster a new, healthier balanced relationship towards food, trying to uncover the emotional beliefs I have towards food and trying to remain mindful when in the presence of food. I do think I'm on the right track. I just HATE those slip-ups, but I have to embrace them and love them as part of the journey in order to move forward. The lesson I need to learn is not to eat raw 98% of the time, and then binge/overeat the other 1 or 2% of the time. That's just not how I want to treat myself as I move forward in life. LOL Maybe I need to celebrate the 98%, which is a wonderful accomplishment, and NOT focus on the 2%?! (lightbulb appears over my head) :D
I guess I'm a work in progress. We all are, aren't we?! Today I'll work on being more mindful towards my food, consciously saying to myself, "Now I'm eating a pumpkin seed. Now I'm chewing the pumpkin seed, savouring the taste of it..." Seriously, I really need to be that aware of the food I eat. It's just TIME that I learned to deal with this. And I *know* I'm not the only one out there struggling. I also know that others have successfully rebuilt their emotional relationships towards food. I know I can be one of those people, too. :)
Learning self-restraint, self-respect, and self-love,
~n~
06 April 2009
Am I worthy?
Do you ever have moments where you feel inadequate... maybe not quite measuring up in other peoples' eyes... not quite worthy somehow? Do you ever think about sharing yourself with those around you, only to pull back in fear? Something just stops you cold in your tracks.
I'm thinking right now of how often that happens for all of us. I remember when I was a kid... I don't know, maybe 4 or 5. I have been told I have a somewhat LOUD personality... I guess as the middle child of three (within 4 yrs) I was constantly seeking my mother's attention, I don't know (still haven't got it, btw, but that's a whole 'nother post, LOL). Anyways, I was always trying to get noticed, subconsciously or not. And I very vaguely remember laughing in public at something (well, at my grandmother's funeral, for one, but that's when I was 15 or 16... and yes, I got in a LOT of trouble for that - Don't look at me like that! I just started giggling uncontrollably. I honestly couldn't stop myself)... Anyways, when I was 4 or 5, I laughed (at what I can no longer recall), and was told it wasn't appropriate to laugh quite so loudly, so exuberantly. I guess it really sunk in because I started being self-conscious in public... about everything. (I'm sure my sister will deny this vehemently, LOL) Oh sure, I got through growing up just fine, mostly in one piece, not needing too much counselling or psychotherapy (LMAO)... but now I'm at a point in the journey of my life where I spend a lot of time (probably an indecent amount) in self-reflection and personal growth (I'd call myself narcisistic, but you see, when I improve my self, my children benefit b/c I become a better parent and person overall, so I will boldly claim that self-reflection and personal growth are my chosen means of making my children's world a better place... and yes, I'm saying that in all seriousness.)
It came to a head when I went to a weeklong retreat in May of 2003... yes, nearly 6 yrs ago. I was having a massage, and there was a knot in my middle back. The massage therapist asked me what colour it was. Instantly I thought, "Yellow," but in the next instant, I said to myself, but ~n~, yellow is the colour of happiness, you know that... why would you have happiness bottled up inside you in a knot like that? how silly is that. it must be something else. anger, maybe, or sadness... hmmmm, what colours are associated with those emotions... (yes, all of this was going through my mind... literally, in the flash of a second. It still astounds my dh how i can have entire, elaborate conversations in flashes like this, but I do. i constantly have a conversation going on in my head! (isn't that normal?!?) So I blurted out, "Red. It's red." hmmmmmm. She didn't say anything else... just continued on with the massage.
Later, during an accupuncture session, the accupuncurist put one needle in, and I started to feel the chi, the energy, beginning to flow. I got all tingly. Second needle in and I started to giggle, but feeling like this was a completely inappropriate response to accupuncture, I really tried hard to stifle it. "Don't hold back," she said. Third needle and I was on my way to hysterical. I seriously spent the next 45 minutes laughing until I cried. I laughed and laughed that knot out of my back. Nearer to the end of the session the laughter and joy turned to sadness as I uncovered the moment much earlier on in my life when I heard that voice, admonishing me laughing so loud, so out-there, so exuberantly. That's just me. That's how I am. Why have I spent so much of my life trying to be something other people would find acceptable?
Ahhhh, but that's what we all do, isn't it. That's what socialization is all about. We raise our children so that they will be able to fit in... there are certain social norms we're expected to follow, and parenting is, not entirely I'd argue, but certainly somewhat, about making sure our children learn and internalize these largely unspoken norms so that they don't get ostracized or thrown out of the "village" or society we now live in...
I'm learning to love my Self in this moment, to really be compassionate with my self (it's a slow lesson). After all, I have these moments in my past, moments like when I was little and told not to laugh so loudly... we all have moments like that we're harbouring inside.... deep, deep inside. Being able to self-reflect on these moments is really helping purge them... I'm just finding they're holding me back from moving forward in my life. I find that often, I'll think about blogging, about posting something about my life, and then I go, ohhhh, but no one cares about that. Who's going to read it? Seriously. Wait until you have something REAL to share. (I flatter myself that people actually read my blog, lmao). Sometimes I blog, sometimes, I don't. It's an ongoing struggle.
(Maybe I'm speaking to myself here in the second person, but...) Next time you want to blog (or otherwise share yourself with others around you in your life), but you hear a little voice inside you saying, 'oh, but I have nothing important to say... who's going to want to hear about my life right now... it's so blahhhh....' just start typing anyways. I think you're a beautiful, radiant being, and *I* want to know what's on your mind... you, me, we're all interconnected, we're all from the same Source, so why wouldn't I want to know about your life? It's just as valid to me as my own life... maybe I'm going through something similar, maybe it's a timely lesson. There's a reason you've come into my life at this moment... let's together uncover what message we have for each other. :) Sometimes we don't feel like we are (radiant), sometimes it's like our true vision is clouded... I remember how astounded I was the first time I flew (when I was 12).... we took off under seriously overcast and rainy skies, but once we went through the clouds (which were rather turbulent, admittedly)... the sun was shining above them, and it was BEEEEEEautiful up there. This is like your true self, your true nature. You might not realize it, being on the ground, in the rain and mud of your life, but you are TRULY radiant and beautiful and full of warmth and life-giving energy. You are, because you're alive... with every breath you breathe. Have faith in your self, in Life, in a Higher whatever-you-want-to-call-it.... because sunny days will come once again into your life, days when you are connected with your higher Self, with your true nature.
Yes, you are worthy. We are all worthy. We are all One.
I'm thinking right now of how often that happens for all of us. I remember when I was a kid... I don't know, maybe 4 or 5. I have been told I have a somewhat LOUD personality... I guess as the middle child of three (within 4 yrs) I was constantly seeking my mother's attention, I don't know (still haven't got it, btw, but that's a whole 'nother post, LOL). Anyways, I was always trying to get noticed, subconsciously or not. And I very vaguely remember laughing in public at something (well, at my grandmother's funeral, for one, but that's when I was 15 or 16... and yes, I got in a LOT of trouble for that - Don't look at me like that! I just started giggling uncontrollably. I honestly couldn't stop myself)... Anyways, when I was 4 or 5, I laughed (at what I can no longer recall), and was told it wasn't appropriate to laugh quite so loudly, so exuberantly. I guess it really sunk in because I started being self-conscious in public... about everything. (I'm sure my sister will deny this vehemently, LOL) Oh sure, I got through growing up just fine, mostly in one piece, not needing too much counselling or psychotherapy (LMAO)... but now I'm at a point in the journey of my life where I spend a lot of time (probably an indecent amount) in self-reflection and personal growth (I'd call myself narcisistic, but you see, when I improve my self, my children benefit b/c I become a better parent and person overall, so I will boldly claim that self-reflection and personal growth are my chosen means of making my children's world a better place... and yes, I'm saying that in all seriousness.)
It came to a head when I went to a weeklong retreat in May of 2003... yes, nearly 6 yrs ago. I was having a massage, and there was a knot in my middle back. The massage therapist asked me what colour it was. Instantly I thought, "Yellow," but in the next instant, I said to myself, but ~n~, yellow is the colour of happiness, you know that... why would you have happiness bottled up inside you in a knot like that? how silly is that. it must be something else. anger, maybe, or sadness... hmmmm, what colours are associated with those emotions... (yes, all of this was going through my mind... literally, in the flash of a second. It still astounds my dh how i can have entire, elaborate conversations in flashes like this, but I do. i constantly have a conversation going on in my head! (isn't that normal?!?) So I blurted out, "Red. It's red." hmmmmmm. She didn't say anything else... just continued on with the massage.
Later, during an accupuncture session, the accupuncurist put one needle in, and I started to feel the chi, the energy, beginning to flow. I got all tingly. Second needle in and I started to giggle, but feeling like this was a completely inappropriate response to accupuncture, I really tried hard to stifle it. "Don't hold back," she said. Third needle and I was on my way to hysterical. I seriously spent the next 45 minutes laughing until I cried. I laughed and laughed that knot out of my back. Nearer to the end of the session the laughter and joy turned to sadness as I uncovered the moment much earlier on in my life when I heard that voice, admonishing me laughing so loud, so out-there, so exuberantly. That's just me. That's how I am. Why have I spent so much of my life trying to be something other people would find acceptable?
Ahhhh, but that's what we all do, isn't it. That's what socialization is all about. We raise our children so that they will be able to fit in... there are certain social norms we're expected to follow, and parenting is, not entirely I'd argue, but certainly somewhat, about making sure our children learn and internalize these largely unspoken norms so that they don't get ostracized or thrown out of the "village" or society we now live in...
I'm learning to love my Self in this moment, to really be compassionate with my self (it's a slow lesson). After all, I have these moments in my past, moments like when I was little and told not to laugh so loudly... we all have moments like that we're harbouring inside.... deep, deep inside. Being able to self-reflect on these moments is really helping purge them... I'm just finding they're holding me back from moving forward in my life. I find that often, I'll think about blogging, about posting something about my life, and then I go, ohhhh, but no one cares about that. Who's going to read it? Seriously. Wait until you have something REAL to share. (I flatter myself that people actually read my blog, lmao). Sometimes I blog, sometimes, I don't. It's an ongoing struggle.
(Maybe I'm speaking to myself here in the second person, but...) Next time you want to blog (or otherwise share yourself with others around you in your life), but you hear a little voice inside you saying, 'oh, but I have nothing important to say... who's going to want to hear about my life right now... it's so blahhhh....' just start typing anyways. I think you're a beautiful, radiant being, and *I* want to know what's on your mind... you, me, we're all interconnected, we're all from the same Source, so why wouldn't I want to know about your life? It's just as valid to me as my own life... maybe I'm going through something similar, maybe it's a timely lesson. There's a reason you've come into my life at this moment... let's together uncover what message we have for each other. :) Sometimes we don't feel like we are (radiant), sometimes it's like our true vision is clouded... I remember how astounded I was the first time I flew (when I was 12).... we took off under seriously overcast and rainy skies, but once we went through the clouds (which were rather turbulent, admittedly)... the sun was shining above them, and it was BEEEEEEautiful up there. This is like your true self, your true nature. You might not realize it, being on the ground, in the rain and mud of your life, but you are TRULY radiant and beautiful and full of warmth and life-giving energy. You are, because you're alive... with every breath you breathe. Have faith in your self, in Life, in a Higher whatever-you-want-to-call-it.... because sunny days will come once again into your life, days when you are connected with your higher Self, with your true nature.
Yes, you are worthy. We are all worthy. We are all One.
I have been enjoying the sunshine the past few days SOOOOOOO much!! It's been just beautiful! We've been working around the yard (Fri & Sun) - again, one of my all-time-favourite things to do (although I enjoy it far more when in the company of others, especially my loved ones)... dh got the fascia/barge boards & the rest of the siding on the shed - it's been sitting unfinished for an embarassingly long time, lol. Now me, Mrs Painter, will have to finish painting it all. :) I cleared out the spot where our soon-to-arrive little chickies will be living... and dug out the holes for the footings for their coop. AND I also cleared the spot where I'll be building a cob oven with living roof over it. I'm really excited about that project. The days just zoomed by.
Saturday I visited with a new neighbour who will quickly become a dear friend - her child played so very well with mine, then went off to meet another friend & her child, then went to a family potluck dinner. Saturday was a full day of socializing; my cheeks were sore from smiling so much!!! LOL
Last night I gratefully received my Level II Reiki attunement - absolute BLISS!! I guess the combination of a day of fresh air outside and the attunement helped me sleep... SO soundly last night. Even though I woke up several times, I fell back asleep easily (not something I normally can accomplish) and had many dreams, yet still woke up refreshed.
Already this morning I've spent half an hour on the rowing machine and I'm about to make some spinach/apple/ginger juice.
Yesterday I honoured my body with:
Saturday I visited with a new neighbour who will quickly become a dear friend - her child played so very well with mine, then went off to meet another friend & her child, then went to a family potluck dinner. Saturday was a full day of socializing; my cheeks were sore from smiling so much!!! LOL
Last night I gratefully received my Level II Reiki attunement - absolute BLISS!! I guess the combination of a day of fresh air outside and the attunement helped me sleep... SO soundly last night. Even though I woke up several times, I fell back asleep easily (not something I normally can accomplish) and had many dreams, yet still woke up refreshed.
Already this morning I've spent half an hour on the rowing machine and I'm about to make some spinach/apple/ginger juice.
Yesterday I honoured my body with:
- just over 3L of water
- a large mixed green salad with a little mango and avocado and some papaya poppy seed dressing
- a bowl of muesli with a banana cut up on it and some sesame milk
- 1.5L of smoothie (spinach, blueberry, banana, with 2T of Vega brand oil)
- flax crackers and a bowl of guacamole
- 1/4c nut mix (cashews, almonds, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, cacao nibs, goji berries, dried cranberries, dried banana slices, mulberries and goldenberries (or cape gooseberries))
- a bowl or raw chocolate ice cream and raw lucuma ice cream (it was SOOOO delicious, but i think i ate a little too much, LOL) - one of those moments afterwards where i actually felt FULL... hard to get back to work afterwards!
I skipped out of rowing, like I had intended to do yesterday, after working outside for several hours, and received the attunement instead.
The children are up; time to get juicin'!!
01 April 2009
Self-reflection is a beautiful thing.
I've spent the past couple days on and off thinking about my human-ness. I'll be content for a few hours, happily caught up in the moment - playing with the children or having tea with a friend, then all of a sudden, it catches me off-guard while I'm folding laundry or rinsing sprouts... moments when I tend to be less mindful, granted (and that in itself gives me pause for self-reflection - why, during repetitive tasks, do I zone out and forget to be present?). I have moved from feeling self-deprecating and guilty about the other night towards self-forgiveness. Even if the person who is upset with me isn't ready to forgive me yet, I'm ready to forgive myself... :D Because life's too short. I made a mistake, I apologized twice in person and once in writing. So I'm moving on. (Not that I haven't learned from my mistake, trust me) Spending time in self-reflection has helped me see the errors of my ways (lol, I know what I'll do differently next time, to be sure!!) and also helped me cultivate compassion for both myself and others... I can see that we are all human, we all make mistakes, and we are all capable of being both the person putting their foot in their mouth, and the person who is offended by that. We are all one. I can see that so clearly (maybe it's the Aquarian in me). I know that granting someone-who-has-offended-us-deeply forgiveness is very challenging, but I also know that it can be done, when we are ready to take that step. In the meantime, I am working at holding everyone in my life (including myself, and as we all know that can sometimes be the more difficult challenge) with unconditional positive regard. This is the emotional/mental/spiritual task I am faced with in this moment. Today's mantra: We are all one. We are all one.
Today I have gifted myself with the following raw foods:
Today I have gifted myself with the following raw foods:
- 4L of healthy, healing water
- 500mL of hemp milk with 3 dates, a little cardamom and cinnamon... deeeeeelicious!
- 1/4 of a chocolate-hazelnut pudding pie (mmmmmm SO good) - then I got the idea to throw it in the freezer and turn it into a chocolate ice cream kinda cakey/pie. that oughta be yummy.
- a cup of lavender-lemon tea with a little stevia when a good friend came over - what a wonderful gift to spirit her visit was! :)
- 3 walnut-apple cookies (yes, raw) throughout the day
- 1.5L of absolutely tropical yummy green smoothie (1/2 a pineapple, 2 bananas, 1 orange, 1 starfruit, a small piece of dragonfruit, the meat and water of 1 young coconut, 1 mango, 2 tsp of Enerex greens powder, 20 chlorella, 1/4 tsp camu camu berry powder and 1 tsp of goji berry powder. I shared some with the kids, before adding the last 4 ingredients).
- a few (6?) soaked almonds
And I rowed 5 kms, so got some exercise in (exercise SO completely helps relieve stress!). :) Tonight I'm going to have a nice hot bath and either spend time in meditation or giving myself Reiki, after reading Enid Blyton's The Magic Faraway Tree to my children.
Feeling much better about life in this moment,
~n~
Update: While my dd was watching "Timothy Goes to School", Frank & Frank's father taught them about the "three sorries." First you may say your sorry, Second you may feel sorry, but perhaps most importantly, third, you do something to show you're sorry. I may have felt sorry and said sorry, but did I do anything to show the other person just how sorry I was? Did I do anything to make the situation better or right? hmmm... I need to think more about that.
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