Getting Back to Spirit

I realized I haven`t been talking lately about my spiritual development much. Rest assured, it's still happening; I just haven't been blogging about it.

I've been recognizing the last while that sometimes I come across to others as rather, um... intense. I see this. I see it in little things, like when I finish other's sentences (bad bad habit - sorry if I do this to you!!!), or at the grocery store when I am so fast bagging my own groceries that I'm waiting for the cashier to ring the next item in so I can grab it and put it in the bag. lmao it sounds really assinine when I type it, so why do I do this?!? It certainly isn't my INTENTION to be intense. It's usually in an effort to be efficient. I am often thinking of where else I need to be, of the other things I need to get done when I act intensely. When I think about the person I'd like to develop myself into, I look at other women around me and am drawn to an image of someone who is calm, reflective, slower-than-me to verbally respond (ehmmm, let's put it another way: thoughtful in speech?), someone who radiates compassion, who is loving and kind and... mindful. That's the person I *want* to be (and to my credit, I'm reportedly far less intense than I was even a decade ago, lol)

I guess it's partly the intensity of the full moon. The kids are not getting along like usual lately, I've been unusually tired and sore (muscles), and we're all cranky. But enough excuses!!

I have to laugh here because tonight at 9 p.m. my neighbour drove up blaring her horn all the way up the driveway. She jumped out and ran (obviously in a panic) to the door. The kids, dog & I were all in the kitchen watching this, so I quickly opened the door and asked if everything was alright. She said a teenaged black bear had JUST ran across the road and into our yard near the greenhouse (where I'd been watering not 30 mins earlier)! (Two nights ago another neighbour let us know a bear was in the near-area around the same time of evening) So I went out the back door and locked the chickens up for the night (I'd already done two pens of hens and only had one pen left to lock up - those pesky teenaged ones (8 wk old chicks) who are always last to go to sleep, lol). I phoned one other neighbour close by to let her know, then the kids and I went on the top deck to listen. Listening is so valuable and something we have to STOP to do. In the act of not-doing anything else, listening becomes this valuable skill and opportunity for spiritual awakening, and something I'm sure I should do more of. So we listen for dogs in the neighbourhood to bark, and sure enough, suddenly dogs over *there* are barking, and then we hear a woman's rather excited yells, "EEEEEKS!!!! Bear! Honey, there's a BEAR in the yard!!" I strained to listen for further noise, but I know the bear most likely went through to the forest behind her place where it can be alone. Being a healthy black bear, it really doesn't want anything to do with a human's habitat. There's lots of forest where it's gone, so hopefully it's learned not to come back this way.

So I look up animal totem for bear and read: "Black bear teaches the importance of unburdening yourself in order to receive higher knowledge. Black bears are very playful, and remind us to stay connected to the child within." WOW, this is *SO* not where my head has been today... or lately, for that matter. I have been so wrapped up in my own thoughts, in my own head, my own plans, I haven't really had much time for just hanging out with my kids, enjoying their company. It's always oh, I have to do the dishes/laundry/housework/yardwork/gardening first, *then* I'll play paper dolls with you, honey. Only it's been days and days now of me postponing PLAY and all-too-soon I'll realize the opportunity for playing paper dolls has passed and I missed it.... like the 10 year old who less and less often invites me to engage with him in play. MUST TAKE THOSE PRECIOUS OPPORTUNITIES WHEN THEY ARE OFFERED!!!

Today I sat down with them and watched two episodes of Little House on the Prairie which they've taken out from the library. We're all enjoying it. I laughed as I told them that when I was their age, I thought Caroline Ingalls (the mother) was so old, and now that I *am* her age, she doesn't seem old at all! My son reassured me that Caroline Ingalls doesn't seem too old, and neither do I. (awwww)

(another laugh as I read that the bear teaches us to respect our natural hibernation cycles: last night I slept an unusually long 11 solid hours! I woke up refreshed but asked dh if there was something WRONG with me!!)

other animal totem info i came across about the bear:

• the bear is intuitive and can often manifest healing (think of a bear hug)
• bears are invincible, strong, secure, loyal, utterly dependable
• bears are introspective, independent, and appearing to be aloof... little need for strength from social bonds, the bear is self-contained and strong willed, gains deep insights and spiritual development through isolation
• represents female energies as it hibernates to reconnect with earth each year, emerging with answers to spiritual dilemmas... hibernating is sign of our need for periods of rest and rejuvenation.

Raw food bulk order - going in friday @ noon

I organize monthly bulk food orders of raw food. If you are interested in ordering anything, please contact me at 1-250-646-2490 or rawfoodsooke(at)gmail(dot)com Thanks!!! And I apologize for the formatting below; it wasn't as tight as the original.

Anyone interested in ordering anything? would like to submit the order by friday at noon. will be delivered the following week. the highlight below is definitely fresh organic B.C. cherries, a 20 lb case for just $55!!!

Please feel free to pass this along to anyone in the Greater Victoria area who might be interested. :) please call or email if you have any questions. :) I am, of course, available for raw food coaching, group classes, and sharing information and experience. (And Reiki!!)

In Light and Love,

~n~

*All products certified organic unless otherwise noted.

*NUTS*

Nut Milk Straining Bag (polyester/nylon) - $7.75 ea

#1 Almonds - $10/1 lb - $45/5 lb (#2 almonds also avail by request)

Sprouted Almond Butter – no oil - $22/16 oz jar

Sprouted Dried Almond Meal - $13/1 lb - $55/5 lb

Brazil Nuts (S America) - $10/1 lb - $45/5 lb

Whole, Raw Cashews (Indonesia) - $16/1 lb - $77/5 lb

Hazelnuts (B.C.) - $13/1 lb - $60/5 lb

Macadamias (Hawaii) - $14/1 lb - $65/5 lb

Walnuts (California) - $12/1 lb - $55/5 lb

Pecans (Missouri) - $16/1 lb - $75/5 lb

*FRUIT*

Olives – unpitted, herbed - $8/8 oz bag (unpitted means the pits arestill in them)

Olives – unpitted, Aji - $8/8 oz bag (pitted olives are $11/8 oz bag)

Olives - unpitted, low salt - $8/8 oz bag (all the olives are from Peru)

Whole dried Bananas (Mex) - $10/1 lb - $48/6 lb bag

Dates - Black Sphinx (Arizona) - $9/1 lb - $80/10 lb case

Dates – Medjool (California) - $9/1 lb - $110/15 lb case

Dates – Halawi (California) - $8/1 lb - $90/15 lb case

Dates – Khadrawi (California) - $8/1 lb - $90/15 lb case

Dried Apricots (Turkey) - OUT OF STOCK

Dried Apple Chips (B.C.) - $19/1 lb - $90/5 lb

Dried Cherries (B.C.) - uncertified organic - $19/1 lb - $85/5 lb

FRESH ORGANIC CHERRIES (B.C.) - $55/20 lb ($2.75/lb)

Figs (California) - Kadota - $9/1 lb - $40/5 lb

Goji Berries (Northern China) - $15/1 lb - $70/5 lb

Dried Mango (Mexico) - $13/1 lb - $60/5 lb

Thompson Raisins (Calif) - $25/5 lb or $100/30 lb

Dried Pears (B.C.) - OUT OF STOCK

Figs (Calif) – Black Mission - $9/1 lb - $40/5 lb

Sundried Tomatoes (Mex) - $11/ 1/2 lb - these are soooooo good!! vacuum-sealed

Golden Inca Berries - $32/1 lb - $150/5 lb

Mulberries - $25/1 lb - $115/5 lb

*CACAO* - Ecuador Criolla variety

Whole Cacao Beans - $15/1 lb - $70/5 lb

Cacao Nibs - $15/1 lb - $70/5 lb

Cacao Paste (~50% cacao butter) - $16/1 lb - $75/5 lb

Cacao Butter - $17/1 lb - $80/5 lb

Cocoa Powder - $16/1 lb - $75/5 lb

Cocoa Berry Clarity Chocolates - $2.50/1 oz or $11/5 oz

Hemp Coco Maca Chocolates - $2.50/1 oz or $11/5 oz - subject to availability

*COCONUT*

Coconut Sugar - $7/1 lb - $30/5 lb

Coconut Butter (includes the fiber) - $13/454g (1 lb) jar

Shredded Coconut - $23/5 lbs

Coconut Oil - $22/35 oz white plastic jar - $55/gallon pail

Coconut Flour - $6/1 lb - $50/5 kgs (11 lbs) - $108/12 kg (26.4 lbs)

*SEEDS*

Hullless Oats for Sprouting - $6/1 lb - $25/5 lb (soak for 2 days,dry, then roll)

Golden Flax (Canada) - $6/1 lb - $25/5 lb

Pumpkin (China) - $8/1 lb - $35/5 lb

Sesame (Bolivia) - $7/1 lb - $30/5

Sunflower (USA) - $7/1 lb - $30/5 lb

Chia (Mex) - $14/1 lb - $65/5 lb

Buckwheat (China) - $7/1 lb - $30/5 lb

Unshelled Hemp Nuts (Canada) - 3d yr transitional - $12/1 lb - $55/5 lb

*OTHER*

Yacon Syrup - OUT OF STOCK

Kelp Noodles - $8/12 oz bag - $70/10 bags - delicious, fast meal!!!

Volcanic (raw) Agave Nectar - $10/24 oz bottle - $60/184 oz (4 gall) jug

Sprouted Trail Mix (walnuts, almonds, cashews, macadamias, raisins, mango, oat flour coated dates, pumpkin seeds, gojis) - $15/1 lb -$70/5 lb

Sprouted Granola (sprouted buckwheat, sunflower, raisins, goji berries, sprouted almonds, cashews, shredded coconut, honey, agave, coconut oil) - $12/1 lb - $55/5 lb

Mesquite Powder (Peru) - $15/1 lb - $70/5 lb

Olive Oil (Peru), glass bottle - unfiltered, ecoharvested, extravirgin, 1st pressing, cold pressed, kosher, cert org - $12/500 ml -$90/case of 12

Nama Shoyu (unpast., org.) - contains wheat & soy - $28/32 oz glass bottle

Raw Nori Sheets (Japan) - $20/50 sheets

Granulated Irish Moss (East Coast) - $16/1 lb - $65/5 lb

Dulse (East Coast) - $19/1 lb - $90/5 lb

Honey (B.C.) - OUT OF STOCK 'TIL AUGUST

Fresh Bee Pollen (B.C.) - OUT OF STOCK 'TIL AUGUST

Dried Bee Pollen (Spain) - $19/1 lb - $85/5 lb

Maca Powder (Peru) - $16/1 lb - $75/5 lb

Lucuma Powder (Peru) - OUT OF STOCK

Mesquite Powder (Peru) - $15/1 lb - $70/5 lb

Whole Vanilla Beans (Uganda) - $9/10 beans - $25/~35 beans - $65/~150 beans

Coconut Soap - $5.50/bar

Vanilla Powder (Uganda) - $16/50g - $35/113g - $75/500g

Cafe Gratitude Recipe book, with recipe names that are affirmations "I am Amazing" organic raw lemon meringue pie with macadamia nut crust. -$35/book

*GREENS*

Frozen Wheatgrass Juice - $1.50/oz or $7/5 oz

E3Live Blue-Green Algae- $45 (483 ml frozen bottle) or $215 for 5 bottles

Earthrise brand Spirulina powder - $35/227g - $70/454g

200 mg chewable Chlorella Tablets/'Nuts' - $9/100 tablets - $80/1000

IMPORTANT INFORMATION ABOUT SHIPPING:

*Shipping & Handling not included in prices on price list. S&H is split evenly between everyone who orders & will vary with each order. Ideally, we will order enough to receive free shipping ($1,000 combined order). However, if we don't and end up having to pay shipping, then it is split evenly among everyone who orders. So whether you order $20 or $200, you will end up paying the same amount in shipping (usually $5 or less per person).

AWESOME holiday!!!

What an awesome week we've just had!!! I'm thinking this might've been our one and only real holiday this year, so we made the most of it! This post will be a fairly detailed itinerary of the trip, so skip it if you like. :P Don't worry, I won't know if you do.

We headed off-island Monday morning (dh was already in the big city having worked 4 days) and went to visit family near my old neighbourhood (though I didn't go by the old house at all). An evening watching Japanese Sumo tournaments and rockin' out on Rock Band on the PS3, the kids having fun on the Wii.

Next day we headed to the Cloverdale museum where there was a temporary Lego exhibit set up. The kids & I had been to the Sidney museum to see the one there in March/May/a month that starts with M (lol) but we all liked this exhibit better. Bigger, more Lego, a building area for the kids... a huge 8' long scale replica of the HMCS Winnipeg, a massively long display of pirates and sailors, including whirlpool and underwater scene. VERY cool. The rest of the museum was very interesting, too. Spent the afternoon at the local park and waterpark with a picnic and then a visit to Toy Traders on the Bypass. The kids loved it and spent most of their spending money there. ;)

Day 3, up early, headed to Bowen Island for a day-trip. Lunch at Mik-Sa in Snug Cove (good food, horrible service), a drive around the island (unless you're planning on hiking the 22 kms round trip up Mt Gardner there isn't much to do on Bowen, though I bet the view from up there is fantastic!), followed by a play at the school's playground. Quick trip to the local health-conscious grocery store for some organic sodas and the hole-in-the-wall candy store and back on the ferry. Honestly, if you want to daytrip to Bowen, just walk on the ferry. Snug Cove is the only 'village' on the island and all the shops are well within walking distance. Even if you're planning on hiking Mt Gardner, what's an extra 2 kms or so to the trailheads when you're going 11 uphill anyways? Bowen is probably the most upscale (gulf) island I've ever been on. Seriously - $14 for 4 organic sodas?!? All about image; lacks authenticity, imo. Houses are all architecturally designed and for 'show', the people seemed the same way - more concerned about projecting the 'right' image in their Jags and beemers than making a true connection with someone... I didn't see much evidence of a true sense of community... which is something I'd argue Salt Spring has maintained, despite having been taken over by upscale baby boomers as well. At least SS still has its hippy contingent (evidenced by the tie dyed clothing for sale at the famous Saturday morning market), who seem to coexist with the baby boomers who've developed Ganges into condos and oceanfront spas. Bowen? Lacks character, imo. Back at Horseshoe Bay we hopped aboard the Langdale ferry and were in Gibsons by late-afternoon. 40 mins up to Sechelt and we arrived at good friends' for the evening in Halfmoon Bay. beeeeeeeautiful area of BC if you get the chance to check out the Sunshine Coast. I am so totally jealous that their house is completely finished and not furnished by hand-me-downs. AND they have a beautiful garden. We dined al fresco and had a campfire, the kids stayed up wayyyyyy too late and then slept in a tent on the trampoline.

In the morning we walked down to the beach and the kids splashed about in the waves for a while before we toodled off for the return ferry trip.... which we missed. So we ended up at Molly's Reach (if you've ever watched the Beachcombers, you'll understand) for lunch and caught the next ferry. We had planned on camping in N Van b/c dh was supposed to work Friday, but he got someone to cover his shift so instead we headed north to Squamish and found a really nice campground to stay at (Paradise Valley). We cooked tortellini with marinara sauce and garlic bread for dinner, and I had a delicious green salad with mango and avocado and raspberry vinegraitte (sorry, me no spell). The kids tried to swim in the Cheakamus River (I dared not go and watch; it was whitewater rapids around there and the last thing I wanted to see was my offspring swept away), but the glacier fed waters were toooooooo cold for my coastal babes, so it was a toe-dip instead (much safer, lol). A campfire with marshmallows and hot cocoa capped off another great day. :D I have to say that this campground was awesome. The hosts, Lynn & Pat were totally down-to-earth and sweet, and I loved waking up to the morning birdsong dawn chorus... it was like being at home.

Friday we went on the Britannia Beach mining museum tour (cool, and I didn't have too much of an anxiety attack at going in the mining tunnel - eeks!). I *do* remember going on the tour when I was about my son's age, but had obviously blocked it out. :P We panned for gold flakes at the end of the tour (fun - ds would've stayed for hours panning for gold) and then headed south for Vancouver. Set up camp at Capilano RV Park (how close to the Lions Gate are you seriously allowed to tent - what, 20 feet away from traffic?! swell, that looks like a great site). An afternoon at Playland (wtf - regular admission for a family of 4 would've been $120?!? Playland ain't no Disneyland, let me just say that, so where do they get off with those rates?!) Nonetheless, it was fun and ds, although he *thought* he would enjoy the old 1958 wooden roller coaster instead nearly vomitted all over his loving mother on that one. One ride on the pirate ship that swings back and forth and he was convinced all the rides (except the preschool ones which he's now, sadly, too tall for) were evil. lmao (actually, he liked the bumper cars, fwiw) We went to the Lions game in the evening next door at Empire Stadium - wow, what an interesting sociological view that provided into crowds and sporting events/etc.: although we were in the family area (no alcohol), directly across the aisle were the 'regular' seats. So we had all these drinking idiots within arms' reach. One rowdy guy was asked to move seats (making too much noise), then later a fight broke out between fans, it took 6 security personnel to remove the one offending person from the stadium. boy, did he leave fighting!!! then a young woman in her 20s was removed for being so intoxicated she couldn't even stand up on her own. not to mention the streaker who ran 95 yards across the field. try explaining nudity and extreme intoxication to your kids sometime. fun. Although dd did tell dad that when she grows up she's never going to run around naked or drink beer... at football games. LOL yes, i suppose the evening will be remembered by the kids more for the 'entertainment' in the stands than on the field (although dd was pretty enamoured with the cheerleaders, watching and memorizing their every dance move!). Close to midnight we rolled back into our campground site within reach of the bridge, exhausted.

You'd think after a busy day like that you'd be able to sleep, right? Well no sooner did we settle in than the campers next to us camp back from their evening out, and literally the campsites are so close our tent practically touched theirs. Then the fire alarm at Park Royal goes off and the trucks come and are on scene for what seems like an eternity. Somewhere around 3:30 I finally fell asleep for a little while, only to get up at 5:30 to take dh to work. After dropping him off the kids and I returned to the tent and slept in until 9:30. :D After wondering aloud how those drunks from the football game were feeling after waking up in the drunk tank, we spent some time at Granville Island Market - the kids went in the waterpark (with its small waterslide - big hit!) and then to the Kids Market. A got herself a charm bracelet with one charm - something she can add onto every time she visits there; R got himself some Pokemon cards. We missed the 3:00 ferry we'd planned on taking (I guess I spent too long at Ikea?!) and caught the 5 instead... which had a medical emergency before we even left the dock, so by the time the ambulance arrived and carted the person away the ferry was 45 mins late leaving. Ended up rolling into the ranch at 9:30 at night, in time to put all the chickens away for the night and pet the cats hello.

And yes, I slept in until 10:15 this morning. :D (I did get up at 6:30 to let the hens out, mind you). And besides unpacking and doing a little laundry, did my best to do nothing today. There you have it - the most detailed monologue of our holiday that will ever exist.

~Enjoy~

checkin' in

wow, has it been 3 weeks?!? well, i've been outside since about june 1st. that might explain it. outside, and not wearing a watch. or looking at a calendar. i actually don't often know which day of the week it is, let alone which numerical day of the month it might be. it's how i roll. ;)

news from here:
well, i may have mentioned that on the may long weekend i injured my knee (my good knee at that) at a tai chi workshop of all places. repetitive strain injury. it's still plaguing me. then, on canada day i fell down a flight of stairs (carpeted, thankfully) but did some serious injury to my shoulder. a visit to the chiropractor and i'm mostly better, 'though i think i need a readjustment soon as there is still some residual uncomfortableness goin' on. and i'm NOT looking forward to the august long weekend. i think i'd better stay in bed, or wrap myself in bubblewrap for the weekend. ha ha ha ha ha

i've managed to do quite a lot of yardwork in june: we had 130 yards of subsoil delivered last year (free, what can i say, i'm a sucker for free), so i started moving it to where it shall rest. me, my wheelbarrow and my shovel. the wheelbarrow is ancient and tips every 9th load. the shovel is new-ish and is beeeeautiful, if that's a word to describe an implement like a shovel. me, well, i'm a little gimpy but i don't fall over like the wheelbarrow. ;) it feels so gooooooood to see the pile of dirt getting moved. sooooooo good. i was making such great progress and then *bam* injured my shoulder, so i've forced myself not to move any dirt the past 11 days. and yes, it's been a struggle NOT to go out and shovel dirt. (is that wierd?)

so instead of moving dirt the past while i've turned to other outdoor pursuits (yardwork): weeding the gardens (neglected but somehow producing food) and spending exorbitant amounts of time with the chickens. it's true, but i can explain. last year, we raised 12 day-old Red Sussex hens. we designed and built a coop and pen. they started laying in the fall and we've been enjoying the financial fruits of their labours ever since. then someone gave us an Auracana rooster of the same age to save him from the neighbour's soup pot. this spring ds decided he'd like to have WHITE eggs to sell as well as brown, so we ordered 12 white leghorn chicks and 2 brown leghorn (we'd lost 2 Red Sussex hens throughout the year, which honestly, isn't a huge loss, percentage-wise, imo). they arrived june 3d and went promptly under the heatlamp in the shed. they'd sent us 13 white leghorns and a week later one died. sadly, it impacted dd heavily, and we spent a couple days talking about it and processing chickie's death (*LOTS* of pictures of the dead chick were drawn, as well as pictures of our burial ceremony). Then our broody hen, which had been sitting on a clutch since early June miraculously hatched out two chicks at the end of june/beginning of july. I was *so* excited. Our own rooster, our own hens, and now auracana-sussex chicks that will hopefully lay somewhat greeny-blue eggs.

So I've been working in the chicken pen, separating it into a 'teenagers' pen for the 5 week olds, another pen for Broody and her two peeps who are 12 & 14 days old now, and the main pen for the 'Big Girls'. Also fencing off a new area for them to go into. It's been fun, especially watching Broody care for her little peeps, as Nature intended (not like the orphaned hatchery teens next door).

and seriously, that's all that's been new the past 6 weeks or so. we had about 4 days of gloriously hot summer weather - upper 20s, low 30s (about 90F) - but now the fog's come in off the water and it's cool again.

what's new with you?

nearly-solstice already?

(looks around, bewildered) Where is June slipping away to?! It's already the 19th?! SERIOUSLY?!

lol, I've been outside (& oblivious to the time/date, generally)... getting a GORGEOUS farmer's tan. :P Since the beginning of the month I've been hauling dirt. I started with 10 wheelbarrows full a day, but have since progressed to about an hour or more (~25 wheelbarrows) a day, sometimes a lot more, but always at least 10. I have over 120 yards of fill to move - that's 12 dumptruck loads (probably closer to 140 or 150 yards when I look at other piles here and there). Why? Because I am free labour. :) I have a wheelbarrow, a shovel, and me. So I can do this. I'm already nearly half-way, I figure. I'm hoping to be done by the end of August.

I've also been weedeating a lot, as well as gardening, caring for chickens (and chicks), etc. Yep, it's a rural life I lead.

I have, so far this month, rowed over 50 kms. I slacked off the past week, but I made up for it in wheelbarrows moved, lol. I looked up online that wheelbarrowing burns ~350 calories an hour. I usually burn twice that rowing but still, moving dirt is fun, productive and outside. :D

The house is pretty-much a disaster and in need of SERIOUS cleaning, but the YARD!!! OH, the YARD!!! I figure the housework can slip a little in exchange for consciously co-creating a living kin's domain right here! It's an acre of heaven on Earth I'm workin' on: Paradise!

Speaking of conscious co-creation and kin's domains, I've read Books 8.1 The New Civilisation and 8.2 The Rites of Love in the Ringing Cedars of Russia series this month as well. All I will say is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO inspiring. I know I've harped on and on about these books time and time again, but truly, they have the potential to change your thinking on so many topics. I have SO enjoyed these books; they are definitely ones I will purchase.

My daughter had her year-end dance show today. She did AMAZINGLY well on-stage. She didn't dance year-end last year because the year before (her first year dancing) she froze onstage in fright at the year-end show... two days in a row (I think we've ALL had an experience like that at some point in our lives, eh). So this has been her first time back on stage since, and she just revelled in it. What a difference two years makes. She's looking forward to more dance classes in the fall (I had to start figuring out the fall schedule already to see who will be doing what/when!).

Well, I'd best go see if I won a million dollars on Lotto Max! I heard no one won the $50 million AGAIN this week!

Happy Solstice on Monday if I don't check in before then!
Namaste'

Welcome to June

June, week 1: complete. ;)

I finally feel like I'm getting back into exercising in earnest, after not doing cardio regularly for the past 8 months - yes, 8 entire months. Oh, I'd try each month - half an hour here, half an hour there... but in August last year I exercised more that one month than I did the next 8 months combined... and August wasn't an anomaly - I was rowing that much EVERY month prior to that. You can well imagine where my lack of self-discipline has gotten me. Nowhere good, let me tell you.

So I'm back at it. I have worked out 6 of the past 7 days, and I've simply GOT to keep up with the exercise.

I've been so bummed about it all. I guess my metabolism is royally messed up right now. In September I juice feasted for 30 days, and a wonderful (though challenging) 30 days it was. Then at the very beginning of October, dh & I went off for a 3 day cruise and I went from juicing to eating, and not even eating entirely vegan on-board. NOT a recommended way to break a fast, EVER. So since October 1st I've been struggling all through winter to regain my self-discipline.

Struggle, struggle, struggle.

NO MORE, I say! I choose to no longer struggle. I will simply do it. Exercise. Drink copious amounts of water daily, and renew my commitment to raw vegan foods. Simple. Effective.

So today I worked out for a solid half hour, went outside and did heavy yard work for the next half hour (I was moving wheelbarrows full of wet sandy fill across the yard), and I blessed myself with:
- 3.3L of water
- 1.5L of green smoothie (2 oz wheatgrass, 4c of fresh greens, 2 bananas, 4c frozen berries, 1/8 tsp kelp flakes, 2T hemp oil, 4 medjool dates)
- 1 apple

Since October, I haven't kept a daily food log (also a huge folly on my part). Apparently I still need to keep one - haven't quite got a grip on daily food intake. A food log makes me accountable to my self. Seeing it staring back at you in writing somehow makes the slip-ups more visible.

I did some reading online about one's resting metabolic rate (RMR)... and how I didn't account for the fact that having lost weight I needed less calories to maintain the lighter weight. So I've calculated that I actually only need 1600-1800 cal/day to maintain my current weight, so in order to lose weight (if one lb of fat = 3500 calories, then that's a LOT of rowing!!! As in, about 70 kms per pound! YIKES!!!), it's a matter of spending more calories than one takes in, right? Sounds easy enough but for anyone with food attachment issues, well, we all know it's not that easy. Still, that's where I'm at. A little disheartened with how I ended up here, but encouraged by the activity of the past week.

Needing a hug (and probably some self-compassion),
~n~

tim hortons

tim hortons: it's become something of a canadian institution, and yet... yet it's killing us slowly, bite by bite. it's no longer a regular haunt of mine (pretty much all i enjoy there now is herbal tea), but it once was, admittedly, and it still is for many many people in canada.

so if you're heading to timmys, please check out their online nutritional info before you opt for a frosty iced capp this summer:
a small mocha iced capp (made with 18% cream) has 290 calories and 11g fat, a small mocha made with chocolate milk is a better choice at 200 calories & only 1g fat. a large original iced capp with cream has 470 calories, 20g fat (12 saturated), so if you're going to have a large, at least opt for one with 2% milk instead of cream; it'll drop the calories down to 290 & 2.5g fat (1.5 saturated). And don't bother opting for those added flavour iced capps (hazelnut, etc.), even in a small it'll add ~70 calories.

Basically, drop the cream (& flavours) and choose milk/chocolate milk.

Secondly, just in case you were wondering, a timbit has about 60 to 70 calories & 2-5g fat.
The new Candy Bar Supreme donut with M&M sprinkles will run you 310 cal & 11g fat; similar to a strawberry vanilla.

That's a whole lot of exercising just to burn off one 'thirst quencher'. I think I'll stick to my herbal tea or water this summer. Maybe make herbal tea, add some ice & liquid stevia (easy to carry in one's purse) and voila: a refreshing summer drink that won't put on the pounds.