I've been recognizing the last while that sometimes I come across to others as rather, um... intense. I see this. I see it in little things, like when I finish other's sentences (bad bad habit - sorry if I do this to you!!!), or at the grocery store when I am so fast bagging my own groceries that I'm waiting for the cashier to ring the next item in so I can grab it and put it in the bag. lmao it sounds really assinine when I type it, so why do I do this?!? It certainly isn't my INTENTION to be intense. It's usually in an effort to be efficient. I am often thinking of where else I need to be, of the other things I need to get done when I act intensely. When I think about the person I'd like to develop myself into, I look at other women around me and am drawn to an image of someone who is calm, reflective, slower-than-me to verbally respond (ehmmm, let's put it another way: thoughtful in speech?), someone who radiates compassion, who is loving and kind and... mindful. That's the person I *want* to be (and to my credit, I'm reportedly far less intense than I was even a decade ago, lol)
I guess it's partly the intensity of the full moon. The kids are not getting along like usual lately, I've been unusually tired and sore (muscles), and we're all cranky. But enough excuses!!
I have to laugh here because tonight at 9 p.m. my neighbour drove up blaring her horn all the way up the driveway. She jumped out and ran (obviously in a panic) to the door. The kids, dog & I were all in the kitchen watching this, so I quickly opened the door and asked if everything was alright. She said a teenaged black bear had JUST ran across the road and into our yard near the greenhouse (where I'd been watering not 30 mins earlier)! (Two nights ago another neighbour let us know a bear was in the near-area around the same time of evening) So I went out the back door and locked the chickens up for the night (I'd already done two pens of hens and only had one pen left to lock up - those pesky teenaged ones (8 wk old chicks) who are always last to go to sleep, lol). I phoned one other neighbour close by to let her know, then the kids and I went on the top deck to listen. Listening is so valuable and something we have to STOP to do. In the act of not-doing anything else, listening becomes this valuable skill and opportunity for spiritual awakening, and something I'm sure I should do more of. So we listen for dogs in the neighbourhood to bark, and sure enough, suddenly dogs over *there* are barking, and then we hear a woman's rather excited yells, "EEEEEKS!!!! Bear! Honey, there's a BEAR in the yard!!" I strained to listen for further noise, but I know the bear most likely went through to the forest behind her place where it can be alone. Being a healthy black bear, it really doesn't want anything to do with a human's habitat. There's lots of forest where it's gone, so hopefully it's learned not to come back this way.
So I look up animal totem for bear and read: "Black bear teaches the importance of unburdening yourself in order to receive higher knowledge. Black bears are very playful, and remind us to stay connected to the child within." WOW, this is *SO* not where my head has been today... or lately, for that matter. I have been so wrapped up in my own thoughts, in my own head, my own plans, I haven't really had much time for just hanging out with my kids, enjoying their company. It's always oh, I have to do the dishes/laundry/housework/yardwork/gardening first, *then* I'll play paper dolls with you, honey. Only it's been days and days now of me postponing PLAY and all-too-soon I'll realize the opportunity for playing paper dolls has passed and I missed it.... like the 10 year old who less and less often invites me to engage with him in play. MUST TAKE THOSE PRECIOUS OPPORTUNITIES WHEN THEY ARE OFFERED!!!
Today I sat down with them and watched two episodes of Little House on the Prairie which they've taken out from the library. We're all enjoying it. I laughed as I told them that when I was their age, I thought Caroline Ingalls (the mother) was so old, and now that I *am* her age, she doesn't seem old at all! My son reassured me that Caroline Ingalls doesn't seem too old, and neither do I. (awwww)
(another laugh as I read that the bear teaches us to respect our natural hibernation cycles: last night I slept an unusually long 11 solid hours! I woke up refreshed but asked dh if there was something WRONG with me!!)
other animal totem info i came across about the bear:
- the bear is intuitive and can often manifest healing (think of a bear hug)
- bears are invincible, strong, secure, loyal, utterly dependable
- bears are introspective, independent, and appearing to be aloof... little need for strength from social bonds, the bear is self-contained and strong willed, gains deep insights and spiritual development through isolation
- represents female energies as it hibernates to reconnect with earth each year, emerging with answers to spiritual dilemmas... hibernating is sign of our need for periods of rest and rejuvenation.
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