Falling Apart

Wow, what is it with 36?! I've only been 36 for a little over 3 months here and already I've had to get orthotics (plantar fasciitis & bone spur in my heel - OUCH!), have to wear my glasses for reading (astigmatism in one eye), and now this last week my jaw locks up (TMJ)! Not to mention the grey hair that's coming on strong and the obscenely slow metabolism and excess weight. I feel like... I'm falling apart.

I'm taking on a new teaching assignment with tai chi - starting next class I'll be instructing the continuing class. I am feeling slightly overwhelmed at the thought of it - going from a beginner class of 10 or 15 students to a continuing class of twice as many, but I keep telling myself that if the Instruction Committee has faith that I can handle it, that I should have the self-confidence in myself.

After tai chi, I toodled off to the workshop and dh and I helped ds build 13 mason bee houses to fill the orders he got at the spring craft fair last month. After doing that, we went off to dd's ballet class (and left her dance bag in dad's car - oops - but being the awesome dad he is, he realized this shortly after we'd left, and even though it made him late for floor hockey, he went in the opposite direction that he needed to go, and came and dropped her dance bag off *in time* for class, so dd was so extra-specially pleased to have her proper dance attire on before the class started. What an awesome dad!) DD had her RAD Primary ballet exam on the weekend, so I guess we'll maybe get results in the mail later. Now the class is focusing on the year-end dance (the ugly duckling) so that'll be the focus of the remaining classes.

After picking up our CSA box at the farm we came home and after dinner (1L of smoothie), my jaw was soooooo sore I just couldn't muster up the motivation to row for 35 mins, which i'd intended to do today. But tomorrow morning I'm not cutting myself any slack! I *will* row!!!

To compound things, we haven't slept well in 3 days. The kids have been sleeping outside in the tent and waking with the birds at dawn. Last night one of the children wanted to come in at 1:30 in the morning, so sleep was disrupted even further. I realized I'm clenching my jaw during sleep, so that's not good.

My mom had terrible TMJ when I was a kid. She still wears a dental appliance to bed every night. And my sister had jaw surgery as a teen, so I guess there's a propensity towards hereditary jaw problems... I'm not about to leave this long without having *someone* look at it. I was thinking of going for acupuncture. That, and maybe more 'stress reduction techniques'. I was wondering about the emotional connection to one's jaw - and I think maybe part of it is things-left-unsaid. But I've also heard people who wear scarves are protecting their willpower and personal voice (throat) so i wonder about the jaw connection.

I'm going to go make the kids some popcorn for a snack.
Namaste'