i have spent the past two days and will be spending tomorrow afternoon volunteering on a community project which i might've mentioned previously - bringing a security sensor light to our community hall's parking lot, christmas lights to a Golden Beola tree in the park and lights & electrical outlets to the pavilion in the park. so far we've managed to raise over $3,000 for the project. yesterday we trenched about, oh i don't know, 700 ft for the electrical wire to be buried... 2 ft down. today we trenched across the hall parking lot, requiring the coordination of the volunteer fire department, electrician, electrical inspector, excavator operator, and assorted labourers. considering the magnitude of the project, it's going very VERY well. but still, i came home and literally cried in a hot tub at the end of today. i was so totally exhausted from hauling wheelbarrows full of sand and fill, from being responsible for the entire worksite and just trying to keep the project on budget and schedule. and, well, let it just be said:
i am NOT a leader. i am a middle child. i am a sheep, a follower. i have no leadership talents, skills, desires, experience... and YET, somehow, i've been put in a position of leadership on this *^)(#^(*@#&*(@# project and i'm just gonna put it out there: i know i volunteered, but i remember telling quite a few people who insisted i'd be alright at it that i am NOT an innate leader!!! you can ask me questions, and i'll do my best to answer them, but know that i have no more information on the fourth broken water pipe in the trench than you do. i don't know where it comes from or where it goes, or how deeply we're in doo-doo for excavating through it. i don't know how to fix tracked vehicles who've slipped their track, or hydraulic lines on excavators that are spewing hydraulic fluid everywhere. i don't know what has to be done next and i don't know the best way to do it.
what i DO know how to do is manual labour. i can dig, if only you'll just tell me where. oh, but you won't, because i'm the leader. right. seriously, just tell me where to dig or dump the wheelbarrow of sand. that, i can do. but please please PLEASE don't make me coordinate people and make priorities and follow through. i'm not good at any of that. i'm really not. just let me make lunch for everyone instead. aaarrrrgggghhhhhhhh
today, i was so TOTALLY out of my element, out of my comfort zone. So far far out that it ceased to be amusing. remind me again why *I* have been chosen the leader?! who thought i'd be good at this?!
(deep breath)
okay, well, honestly, it's going really well. we got the hydraulic line fixed and it didn't cost a fortune. we got the track back on the rental machine and got it back up and running. we temporarily plugged the water line and sump-pumped all the water out of the trench and into the ditch. we backfilled the driveway and managed to get the fire trucks back into the fire hall, and it looks like the driveway, which was certainly the most difficult part of the project, is in good shape. my kids, who've been in tow and not had hardly any attention from me for two days now, have been absolute angels both days. the puppy has even been good. and tomorrow MIGHT even be the nearly-last day. it's all going to work out just fine.
yes. yes, it will.
but please don't ask me to be the leader again.
2 comments:
Oh, do I hear you on this. IN SO MANY WAYS. And I AM a leader apparently since birth. But I hate HAVING to be that because IT LICKS! I don't HAVE all the answers and I sometimes don't WANT to be the one who has to pull them out of her ass ! Oh, trust me, this is a couch a therapist and 6 beers, if I ever started a conversation!! !!! =)
Truthfully I work best with others. As a mutual group effort towards a common goal. I will direct. I will delegate. I will participate, but being the sole go to person gets really, really tiring.
I Hear you on this post!!!!!!!!
oh but you're a GOOD leader, a natural leader. you actually pull off projects of a much larger magnitude than this one very successfully!!
i, otoh, feel like i am both literally and figuratively struggling through mud.
today went smoothly and the majority of the project is now complete. certainly the hardest muddiest yuckiest part... i hope. ;)
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