Staying Positive

What's going on cosmically the past couple days?! Here's just some of what I've come across: a death in the extended family, a hospitalization as well, one of the blogs I read regularly disappears into the abyss... another blog family finds themselves reeling from a very serious health issue... several of my children's friends are dealing with parental break-ups at the moment, a few friends struggle financially, another's depression deepens, yet another is in a car accident. What the heck is going on?! None of these are things I'm able to laugh about, yet it's finding the laughter in each day, the spark and light of love and hope that make my life worth living.

It's the moments of true happiness that shine through the dark clouds... like listening to my daughter make up beautiful songs in her angelic voice, songs that clearly connect her to something greater in her life... It's watching my son proudly demonstrate mastery of a song on the piano, after just 4 weeks of lessons! It's observing the things that ds and dd find funny... listening to their infectious giggles as they fall, face first, into the pillows - not putting their hands out to stop themselves. I sit, amazed, as there giggling is unleashed, each peal of laughter punctuated by another WHAP onto the pillows of the bed. It's the little moments of life that continually remind me that life is most definitely worth living.

I am reminded of the fragility of the present moment... how quickly life can be snatched from us. I am filled with gratitude - such abundant gratitude - for the many MANY blessings in my life. The awareness of these blessings brings me joy, helps me take life a little lighter, and I join in the laughter as the kids continue falling face first into the pillows.

And so I return to that which fills my soul. In this moment, I return to my breathe. The sacred gift of breath. So simple, yet so profound. It grounds me in the present moment, keeps me real, helps me heal.

Blessings go out to all; You are not alone, friend.

where's your sacred space?

i'm reading star weiss's "Havens in a hectic world", shared stories of people's sacred spaces. Spaces that occupy a place - in our hearts, in our worldview, on Earth. Spaces that defy time. Spaces that give us back a sense of who we are, like a reflecting pool. A sacredness found, at times, in solitude, and also, in other times, through social connections, through human communication, interaction. And this may defy place or time... we could be somewhere we don't consider sacred, experiencing something very sacred. Or we can have expectations that such and such a place will yield a sacred experience, only to experience disappointment... often attributed to the place, and not what we are bringing into that space. that brings up a good question: how does intentionality affect our experience of the sacred? and how can we grasp the sacred in lives that might be overwhelming in this moment, when we're becoming unglued and life is throwing punches at us... how do we move from simply surviving to becoming thriving beings?

I don't know if I shared but the other day my son, having been spending lots of time in nature lately, out of the blue said, you know mom, when i spend time in the creek, this may sound weird, but i seem to gain a lot of energy. no, it's not weird, it's what i believe truly happens... especially around water, and flowing water at that. Water is so sacred to humans. I don't think it's any coincidence that our bodies are so substantially made up of water, or that we as humans have some deep, deep connection to the moon, the same moon that pulls the tides.

Sacred places heal us. They allow us to be... to connect with something greater than our selves, to connect with our Truth... sacred spaces give us a chance to go deep into the "dark" emotions of anger, fear, sadness, grief, despair... to go deep, to find meaning, to heal and give us the strength to take that next breath.

So I ask you, please, if you are willing, will you share where your sacred space is, and why? Where do you go to heal?

And by all means, do visit www.starweiss.ca She's done amazing work on this very topic.

Please do return to read part 2 of the post later.

Respectfully Yours,
~n~

Honest Blogger Award... for me?!

oooh, an award... for me?! I'm blushing! of course, i'm on dial-up and having one heck of a time trying to get the pic of it onto the blog, so you'll have to just trust me on it... actually, check out this blogger who awarded it to me! (thank-you, THANK-YOU!!!)

So here's 10 honest things about me:

1. I don't like wearing make-up. I never was able to understand why it was socially acceptable for women but not men. If men look handsome 'as is', then imo, so do women. I had a neighbour remark yesterday I look far younger than my 34 years... which she attributed to my raw vegan diet. ;)

2. I can play part of Iron Butterfly's 1968 "In-a-gadda-da-vida" on the recorder. I *ROCK* at playing it, actually. hidden talent, who knew.

3. I like things put back in their place. Simply b/c, if you share a household with anyone else, everyone will always know where to find... the scissors, the extra lightbulbs, or the car keys. dh says I'm a bit OCD about it, but I disagree. I just appreciate order, not that I`ve been able to unclutter the house enough to get it into an orderly state.

4. I have had the same hole on my right ear pierced 7 times and on my left, 6. I kept getting infections within the initial 4-weeks after piercing, so I'd have to remove the stud, let it heal, and then get it re-pierced. FINALLY my mother figured out I was allergic to the cheap metals in the studs, and I got gold studs, and those were the ONLY earrings I could wear. Wearing cheap costume/fashion earrings gives me the start of an infection within HOURS. So about ten years ago, I gave up. I took the earrings out and now have no piercings. Oh, and for a couple years, I had my nose pierced. Which is another story in and of itself. A funny one. I'll tell you later. ;)

5. I am a middle child. My mother is a middle child. HER mother was a middle child. All three of us are the middle girls of girl-girl-boy families (does that make sense?). I *suffer* from middle child syndrome in the worst way. LMAO Just ask my sister.

6. I would *love* to have more children. Hopefully, more Aquarians, LOL. (dh, dd, and myself are all Aquarians, and ds is a Taurus)

7. When I was growing up, I was determined to become a clinical psychologist. And I was going to have my PhD by the time I was 25. I don't think I'll ever become a clinical psychologist, but I might like to get a master's in counselling psychology.

8. Throughout my life, I've noticed that at any given time, I have a very small handful of really close friends. I just do better one-on-one, rather than in larger social groups. On the Myers-Briggs, I'm actually INFP - introverted, intuitive, feeling, perceiving...

9. I'm fascinated with self-discovery and lifelong learning. I love personal growth and the journey my life is on. And I've been bungy jumping off a 140 foot bridge, over a rushing river, twice (once at 18, then at 28. Ask me again in 4 years if I'm going to go a third time. I have no desire to right now, LOL)

10. I love my life. I adore my kids and husband. I'm very blessed to be supported by extended family and wonderful friends. I live in a beautiful rural community and have the ocean close by. It's paradise. And I'm really, really grateful for being able to share with others through blogs.

Which brings me to six other blogs I'd like to gift this award to (in no particular order):
Holymotherofgod
Raising Seven Vegans
Radical Radiance
Kristen's Raw
My Raw Spiritual Crazy Life
On-Purpose Living
Live for Today

I lost count. :D Some of you may have already received the award, and that's okay. I just really enjoy your blog, and am grateful for what you share on them. :) And I'm sorry I don't have the award picture. Like I say, dial-up internet service isn't at all cooperative with images. You'll just have to go to here to get it. ;)

Creating financial abundance

A few people lately have shared their financial situations with me... not in a "pity me" way, just in a "this is where i'm at" space. i'm glad to have open conversations, and if that's the reality, then that's what it is. no judgment from this end at all. it just *is*. in sharing, we're learning from each other, so let's not discredit the value of discussing openly. But otoh, I like having the "if i had a million dollars" conversation. I like daydreaming about it. I maybe spend too much time thinking about it, LOL. But I know from experience that the matters in my life I give attention to and verbalize, manifest and actualize themselves. I'm not sticking my head in the sand, oblivious to reality. I'm just going to focus my intentions on manifesting something greater for my life.

So all's I'm gonna say is my life is filled with abundance and prosperity. That's right. I am truly TRULY blessed and my life flows smoothly.

Say it with me, out loud, three times:

MY LIFE IS FILLED WITH ABUNDANCE AND PROSPERITY. I AM BLESSED AND EXPERIENCE FINANCIAL SECURITY IN EVERY MOMENT. I LOVE MY LIFE.

There. Don't you feel even a smidgeon better now? Seriously, I do. (smiles) oh, btw, smiling helps here, too. don't hold back, bein' all serious on me, don't be shy. just SMILE. :D

One of the principles of Reiki I've learned is Just for today, do not worry. It's so easy to say it, but often in our hectic, overly-stress filled lives very difficult to LIVE it.

So let's just try. No worrying about money today, okay? Actually, today seems like an awfully long time not to worry... what is that, 86,400 seconds?!?! Talk about overwhelming! How about just for this one eensy beensy moment we not worry about it. like.... *now*. and then *now*. hmmmm that seems much more manageable. Push those worrisome thoughts aside. Cast them out. Be done with them, I say! ;) Maybe we need to say it again:

Three times, out loud:

MY LIFE IS FILLED WITH ABUNDANCE AND PROSPERITY. I AM BLESSED AND EXPERIENCE FINANCIAL SECURITY IN EVERY MOMENT. I LOVE MY LIFE.

ahhhhhhhhhhh that's better.

If you're still not feeling the love after reading this far, then why not play the gratitude game? Name one thing for each letter of the alphabet that you are truly grateful for in your life in this moment. I'll start us off.

A, in this moment I am grateful for... an abundance of fresh apples that were gifted to me after harvest this autumn.

Now it's your turn. You've got the letter B.

why am i the only raw vegan in my house?

when people find out i'm the only vegan/raw vegan in the household, they often ask why. I read blogs of other families where everyone is vegan and/or raw. And fwiw, imho, this is absolutely the way I'd *love* to see my family headed. Which begets the question: why am I the only one eating this way. In our household of 4, I'm the only raw vegan. ds is vegetarian, and dh and dd are omnivores (although dd eats an awful lot of vegetarian meals).

When i went vegan 3 1/2 yrs ago, I think dh thought it was a fad. In fact, I know he thought it was. b/c a couple months in, he said, "well, you'll go back to eating meat eventually, right? Maybe just not red meat." um, no, i really didn't intend to eat any meat, or dairy, for that matter. So the weight continued to release and I continued eating vegan and although it made for awkwardness socially at times - especially amongst family and friends... not so much in restaurants as in people's homes (the old adage of 'you'll eat what's in front of you', and not cause your host 'unnecessary' stress by placing your dietary choice on them (even though i've always been willing to bring a vegan dish to share, it'd be the spontaneous dinners that made it especially awkward) - and I stress here that everyone recognized it was a CHOICE to eat vegan and not medically-recommended; that might've made it less awkward). And sure, it made it challenging even b/t dh & me when it came to eating out - not that we eat out a lot, but when we did, it sometimes became an issue... but we'd always go and i learned to phone ahead... like to the steak house, or the bbq place... where meat is center stage and i'd be lucky to get an iceberg lettuce salad. i learned to eat something ahead of time, or else to bring something along to supplement the salad i'd inevitably have. But i was committed to eating vegan.

Fast forward a couple years and I start eating raw. well, if eating vegan didn't present enough social challenges, try explaining to family and friends that now i don't eat cooked food?!? some looked at me like i had three heads!! they'd never heard of such a concept! a few people took it very personally, like I was attacking what they enjoyed eating... which, for the record, i was not. i had also learned by this point not to mention my dietary choices. i simply just chose salads without trying to explain myself, and some people asked why i wasn't eating the steamed white rice or the tofu, and sometimes i'd say i prefer to eat fresh/raw foods now and sometimes i'd just say it's what i wanted in that moment... so as to avoid the discussion. And when meeting friends and family at coffee houses, i learned to have herbal tea and avoid the baked goodies. Sometimes the kids would loudly share that i was a RAW vegan now and didn't eat anything cooked, which would get a quizzical look from others and no reply from me. You know, you don't have to explain yourself to everybody. LOL I do recognize now that I was developing a soy intolerance as a cooked-food vegan, so if people now ask why I'm raw, that's what I share, and then it becomes more "acceptable" to have made such an alternative dietary choice.

So why aren't the rest of the family raw vegans? Like I say, dh thought my flirt with veganism was temporary. He knows better now. ;) Same with when I went raw - although by then he knew I had the willpower to follow through with my choices. And I think he was more willing to accept my choice because I wasn't forcing it on him. At no point have I put a completely 100% raw meal in front of him (I'm the main chef in the house; not that he doesn't cook - he quite enjoys it and he's very good at it). There have been times when I've said, geez, I really can't fathom having to cook something for dinner - I'll make my raw meal, but will you please make anything you'd additionally like yourself? And he will very happily make the children and himself something to complement the raw food. No arguments. But this is not the norm. Normally I'm making myself a raw meal, ds a vegetarian meal, and dd & dh omnivorous meals.

when i read blogs of other vegan and raw vegan families, i admit there's a touch of envy on my party. i would secretly LOVE to have a vegan or 100% raw kitchen... no smells of bacon frying, nothing that i would struggle with not eating, like the cheesecake in the fridge or some other baked goody (knowing how strongly i'm addicted to wheat)... just wholesome healthy raw foods that we would all enjoy. it's ideal, but it's not my reality.

and so i struggle. i admit i find it challenging, often making three different (but usually complementary) meals... like in summer one night we had burgers, so there were 2 meat burgers, 1 veggie burger, and 1 raw burger, and raw ceasar salad that everyone enjoys. You can well imagine that meals simply take some planning and preparation on my part. Often the children will eat vegetarian or vegan meals with raw sides. Often their snacks are completely raw. They drink green smoothies near daily. So I'm doing the best I can, without forcing raw veganism on them, which I think could very well backfire. I recognize the influence I have on them as their mother, simply sitting beside them eating a raw meal. I don't need to force it on them. They're welcome to share in it of their own volition. (the thought crosses my mind: will one day my children say I didn't care enough about their health to more strongly encourage them to go raw?)

It would be one thing if dh & i were both raw vegans... then it would be a no-brainer that of course, the children would eat raw as well. But b/c he and I aren't on the same page it's just not that simple. It's probably a pipe-dream to think that one day all four of us will have chosen the same path, so I have to live in this moment and I simply remind myself it's not about the food, it's about us sharing our meals (and lives) together. I'm very conscious that I went vegan and then raw long after dh and I were married, when ds was already 6 yrs old... so he'd already had 6 years of fast food restaurants and such. :(

Which is why I need to add that I am so very proud of ds. At 8, he volutarily chose to become a vegetarian, DESPITE some pretty negative and critical comments from other important adults in his life. Things like "kids need meat to grow healthy!" and other such nonsense. So I made sure to point out the other vegetarian kids we knew... and here on the West Coast, there's actually lots. It was his choice to go vegetarian, and he talks about how one day he'll go vegan, and then eventually he'll eat raw. He's concerned about global warming, and we talk about the impact of eating a vegetarian diet in terms of water and grain consumed. We talk about how western consumption patterns are impacting the global scene - how other countries want to become more like us in terms of their consumption patterns - and how that would impact global warming. We can have these conversations because I'm not trying to convince him that eating vegetarian is the right thing to do. He's already chosen it for his own reasons. He took control of his health; he saw the benefits I received from eating vegan and made the choice himself.

I don't purposefully have these "pro-vegetarian" conversations in front of dd, who's only 5 (I also don't avoid the topic). She's not yet ready to embrace a completely vegetarian diet, and that's okay. I'm content that meat is not the focus of each meal for her, the way it is for dh generally. She eats vegetarian more than 50% of the time, mostly b/c I won't cook meat for the small portions of it she'll eat. She never complains that she's missing out on meat; she's aware that she only eats it when daddy's around.

So for now, this is our reality. One raw vegan mama, one vegetarian son, an omnivorous meat-loving father and an omnivorous daughter. I'd *love* to hear from other families, especially from those where the parents don't share dietary choices, and what choices are made with the children in mind.

A Saturday fast.

Saturday, for reasons I don't pretend to fully understand, I fasted on coconut water and green smoothie. I had more than 4L of young coconut water and 2L of green smoothie, as well as a cup of herbal tea. I don't know why I felt drawn to fasting... I didn't have the intention to when I went to sleep the night before, but upon waking, I just took it a moment at a time... In this moment, what do I feel like nourishing my body with? And apparently, young coconut water was the answer more often than not. I just felt so connected to Spirit by cleansing throughout the day. Each moment became a connection to the Divine.

I also tongue-scraped, did a couple hours of tai chi in the afternoon, and luxuriated in a very calming salt/b soda with lavender oil hot bath this evening. It's been a fabulous (although hectic) day!

AND I began reading what I can see will be an INCREDIBLE influence on my life: local author Star Weiss' book: Havens in a hectic world: Finding Sacred Places". Please, if you're at all interested in the spiritual journey that is your life, do read it. I'm 4 chapters in and am LOVING it.

Namaste'

Connection

On the tv news I caught last week they had a clip about people using the internet to meet others... in-person. As in, using the internet to get off the internet... to actually CONNECT with other people. I laughed, because we're all so... alike. We all crave connection with one another... not the not-looking-you-in-the-eyes-but-say-'thanks'-absentmindedly-for-holding-the-door-open-for-me kind of connection, but the look-me-deep-in-the-eyes-see-my-soul-see-past-my-ego-that-obscures-us-from-truly-connecting kind of connection. You know the difference.

It's not just about the eyes. I'm thinking about connection and how we either build it in each moment, with each interaction, or we don't. As in, why was I so preoccupied with getting us to dance class on time that I wasn't fully present in the conversation with my daughter when I hurried her to eat her breakfast so we could get out the door? I was going through a list in my head of things to remember; I wasn't giving her my full attention. What message does that send her? How does that reflect upon myself? Oy vey.

So I sit here, really thinking about it. What does connection feel like? What does it look like? Well, I tell ya, when dh was standing behind me at the Remembrance Day ceremony yesterday, and he kissed me gently on the back of the head, I felt such a deep connection with him - we had a lengthy, loving conversation in that one gesture. When ds gave me a spontaneous hug as we passed in the hallway later, again I experienced connection. I consciously tried to give whomever I was talking to today my undivided attention (and trust me when I say this is a learned behaviour for me; I have to consciously overcome the urge to multitask!).

In the end, connection enriches our life experiences so greatly I cannot begin to describe it. I don't know if I've shared the moment last autumn: the kids and I were driving the famed Cabot Trail on Cape Breton, Nova Scotia... We detoured off because I wanted to go see the abbey where Pema Chodron resides, and as we went down this single lane, curving, seaside gravel road, we came around a corner (we hadn't passed a house in probably 5 kms or even 10), and all of a sudden there was a house and we were approaching the abbey, and there was a woman, probably in her 60s, out for a walk, and she stood there, her hand outstretched, with a black-capped chickadee sitting on her gloved hand. Our eyes met, she smiled, the bird flew to the nearby bushes as our vehicle passed by.... Such a fleeting moment, yet the impact of that moment is etched in my memory. She was living so fully in the present moment; she had been deep in connection with that chickadee, and she didn't begrudge that I had interrupted. In that instant I was reminded it is not the destination, it is the journey and HOW we travel that matters... do we travel mindfully? is our intention to connect with all other beings we come in contact with? Are we able to hold the sacred space open for others to join us in deep connection?

How do you travel through life?