Dreams

Having some pretty vivid dreams on this juice feast. Last night, one of them (I have a few every night that I remember), I was in a pool with my dd. We were swimming with kickboards, and for some reason I turned my back on her. When I turned around to see her, the pool surface was flat - not a ripple anywhere. Instantly, I knew she hadn't gotten out of the water; she was under it. I swam along the edge to the other end of the pool, and then I saw her, on the other side, on the bottom of the pool. I did this huge dive down and made it to right beside her. Holding on with one hand to the ledge, with my right arm outstretched I tried to reach her... she was right there in front of me, yet I couldn't reach her. I heard her panicked crying for me underwater, "MOMMY! MOMMY!" I ran out of air and had to surface. No one was in the pool room but I knew there were people (incl a lifeguard) in the adjoining room and was just about to scream for help when I woke up. Thankfully it was morning already, because I did NOT want to go back to sleep, back into that dream. What a horrible feeling that was - being so close and yet not being able to reach her. Upon waking, I realized that my biggest fear in life is not around finances or anything else; it's me being responsible for losing my children, it's my fear that i can't keep them safe every second of every day.

What a way to start the day, with adrenaline pumping through you like that. :(