why am i the only raw vegan in my house?

when people find out i'm the only vegan/raw vegan in the household, they often ask why. I read blogs of other families where everyone is vegan and/or raw. And fwiw, imho, this is absolutely the way I'd *love* to see my family headed. Which begets the question: why am I the only one eating this way. In our household of 4, I'm the only raw vegan. ds is vegetarian, and dh and dd are omnivores (although dd eats an awful lot of vegetarian meals).

When i went vegan 3 1/2 yrs ago, I think dh thought it was a fad. In fact, I know he thought it was. b/c a couple months in, he said, "well, you'll go back to eating meat eventually, right? Maybe just not red meat." um, no, i really didn't intend to eat any meat, or dairy, for that matter. So the weight continued to release and I continued eating vegan and although it made for awkwardness socially at times - especially amongst family and friends... not so much in restaurants as in people's homes (the old adage of 'you'll eat what's in front of you', and not cause your host 'unnecessary' stress by placing your dietary choice on them (even though i've always been willing to bring a vegan dish to share, it'd be the spontaneous dinners that made it especially awkward) - and I stress here that everyone recognized it was a CHOICE to eat vegan and not medically-recommended; that might've made it less awkward). And sure, it made it challenging even b/t dh & me when it came to eating out - not that we eat out a lot, but when we did, it sometimes became an issue... but we'd always go and i learned to phone ahead... like to the steak house, or the bbq place... where meat is center stage and i'd be lucky to get an iceberg lettuce salad. i learned to eat something ahead of time, or else to bring something along to supplement the salad i'd inevitably have. But i was committed to eating vegan.

Fast forward a couple years and I start eating raw. well, if eating vegan didn't present enough social challenges, try explaining to family and friends that now i don't eat cooked food?!? some looked at me like i had three heads!! they'd never heard of such a concept! a few people took it very personally, like I was attacking what they enjoyed eating... which, for the record, i was not. i had also learned by this point not to mention my dietary choices. i simply just chose salads without trying to explain myself, and some people asked why i wasn't eating the steamed white rice or the tofu, and sometimes i'd say i prefer to eat fresh/raw foods now and sometimes i'd just say it's what i wanted in that moment... so as to avoid the discussion. And when meeting friends and family at coffee houses, i learned to have herbal tea and avoid the baked goodies. Sometimes the kids would loudly share that i was a RAW vegan now and didn't eat anything cooked, which would get a quizzical look from others and no reply from me. You know, you don't have to explain yourself to everybody. LOL I do recognize now that I was developing a soy intolerance as a cooked-food vegan, so if people now ask why I'm raw, that's what I share, and then it becomes more "acceptable" to have made such an alternative dietary choice.

So why aren't the rest of the family raw vegans? Like I say, dh thought my flirt with veganism was temporary. He knows better now. ;) Same with when I went raw - although by then he knew I had the willpower to follow through with my choices. And I think he was more willing to accept my choice because I wasn't forcing it on him. At no point have I put a completely 100% raw meal in front of him (I'm the main chef in the house; not that he doesn't cook - he quite enjoys it and he's very good at it). There have been times when I've said, geez, I really can't fathom having to cook something for dinner - I'll make my raw meal, but will you please make anything you'd additionally like yourself? And he will very happily make the children and himself something to complement the raw food. No arguments. But this is not the norm. Normally I'm making myself a raw meal, ds a vegetarian meal, and dd & dh omnivorous meals.

when i read blogs of other vegan and raw vegan families, i admit there's a touch of envy on my party. i would secretly LOVE to have a vegan or 100% raw kitchen... no smells of bacon frying, nothing that i would struggle with not eating, like the cheesecake in the fridge or some other baked goody (knowing how strongly i'm addicted to wheat)... just wholesome healthy raw foods that we would all enjoy. it's ideal, but it's not my reality.

and so i struggle. i admit i find it challenging, often making three different (but usually complementary) meals... like in summer one night we had burgers, so there were 2 meat burgers, 1 veggie burger, and 1 raw burger, and raw ceasar salad that everyone enjoys. You can well imagine that meals simply take some planning and preparation on my part. Often the children will eat vegetarian or vegan meals with raw sides. Often their snacks are completely raw. They drink green smoothies near daily. So I'm doing the best I can, without forcing raw veganism on them, which I think could very well backfire. I recognize the influence I have on them as their mother, simply sitting beside them eating a raw meal. I don't need to force it on them. They're welcome to share in it of their own volition. (the thought crosses my mind: will one day my children say I didn't care enough about their health to more strongly encourage them to go raw?)

It would be one thing if dh & i were both raw vegans... then it would be a no-brainer that of course, the children would eat raw as well. But b/c he and I aren't on the same page it's just not that simple. It's probably a pipe-dream to think that one day all four of us will have chosen the same path, so I have to live in this moment and I simply remind myself it's not about the food, it's about us sharing our meals (and lives) together. I'm very conscious that I went vegan and then raw long after dh and I were married, when ds was already 6 yrs old... so he'd already had 6 years of fast food restaurants and such. :(

Which is why I need to add that I am so very proud of ds. At 8, he volutarily chose to become a vegetarian, DESPITE some pretty negative and critical comments from other important adults in his life. Things like "kids need meat to grow healthy!" and other such nonsense. So I made sure to point out the other vegetarian kids we knew... and here on the West Coast, there's actually lots. It was his choice to go vegetarian, and he talks about how one day he'll go vegan, and then eventually he'll eat raw. He's concerned about global warming, and we talk about the impact of eating a vegetarian diet in terms of water and grain consumed. We talk about how western consumption patterns are impacting the global scene - how other countries want to become more like us in terms of their consumption patterns - and how that would impact global warming. We can have these conversations because I'm not trying to convince him that eating vegetarian is the right thing to do. He's already chosen it for his own reasons. He took control of his health; he saw the benefits I received from eating vegan and made the choice himself.

I don't purposefully have these "pro-vegetarian" conversations in front of dd, who's only 5 (I also don't avoid the topic). She's not yet ready to embrace a completely vegetarian diet, and that's okay. I'm content that meat is not the focus of each meal for her, the way it is for dh generally. She eats vegetarian more than 50% of the time, mostly b/c I won't cook meat for the small portions of it she'll eat. She never complains that she's missing out on meat; she's aware that she only eats it when daddy's around.

So for now, this is our reality. One raw vegan mama, one vegetarian son, an omnivorous meat-loving father and an omnivorous daughter. I'd *love* to hear from other families, especially from those where the parents don't share dietary choices, and what choices are made with the children in mind.