You'll understand how my mind is going in a zillion different directions after reading this post. LOL
Today I rowed my 5 kms in the morning (you know this is 10 days straight of rowing, and it feels fantastic; I'm aiming for 100 kms this month, which will be 20 days - keeping in mind I didn't start until the 9th, so I'll need to only take 2 days off before the end of the month to reach my goal; no problem). So after rowing, I dry-brushed, showered and made juices, had a really nice imaginary tea party with my daughter, made lunches, and got ourselves organized to go to swimming class. While the children have their lessons, I swim laps - usually a km in 1/2 hr (confession: I use flippers). ;) Today I swam 1100m, swimming the last 100m without flippers. We spent nearly 3 hours in the pool and came out like prunes, LOL.
I have been receiving SOOOOOOO many compliments lately... the guy at the gas station (who we've known for over 10 yrs): "Are you losing weight? I can see it in your face" - after which followed a hilarious conversation about how dh will REALLY appreciate my svelt figure when he returns next month. LMAO And other hl'ing mamas and people around town commenting on how trim I'm getting, how they're noticing it in my face as well, and how impressed they are with my resolve and commitment to this juice feast. I admit, I'm surprising even myself here, but the reality is that I know if I can go through just THIS moment without solid food, that I can go the entire day, and thus the entire feast without food. No problem... just need to stay present in THIS moment. And yes, sometimes that's extremely challenging. Like when I'm cooking for the kids and just want to taste how it's coming along - aromas of cooked food are addictive and enticing, but I am really committed, after 7 months - to raw vegan food. :)
Struggling with staying mindful today, given recent parenting challenges. And oh, let me tell you, it's been challenging. Phew. I keep telling myself this is a phase; it shall pass. Just stay in the moment and learn the lesson. But holy crow, sometimes that is so VERY hard to do. Was so very grateful to have a long phone call with dh tonight, rehashing the day and getting support and feedback. I am so unbelievably grateful to have him in my life.
Also struggling with how flaky I sometimes am. I feel pulled in so many different directions and find myself asking seemingly the stupidest questions, like do I do the laundry or the dishes, or do I row or make juice, or take the compost out, or wash the floor, or.... on and on. And I know, there MUST be more important things in life than whether the floor gets washed or not, but truly, there comes a time when I've procrastinated on it so very long that it seems like months since it was last washed (ewww), and I then judge myself as flaky. LOL At least I can laugh at myself. But seriously, I am an Aquarian through and through. Volunteering in 4, soon to be 5, different positions takes a lot of effort and energy and I question what I am doing, spreading myself so thin, but I'm so passionate about volunteering, not only for the benefit of the community, but also because I am empowered to be a role model for my children, and I want them to see the amazing benefits of volunteering - being a good role model is SUCH an important thing to me (I was discussing it with another hl'ing mama at swimming - how important it is, imo, to get in there and swim while the kids are swimming, rather than sitting outside the glass, chatting with the other mamas, not paying attention to what's going on in the lessons, but I am trying desperately not to judge those who choose that route, after all, I don't know a smidgeon of what goes on in their lives, so who am I to compare, but it seems to me, for my family, that I really want to be a mama who's involved, who sets an example of healthy living, of self-care, and of the value of being a role model, but I'm digressing here). Despite my desire to volunteer all over the place, my family really must come first. Sighhhh. And then sometimes I get engrossed in things... LOL like I'll get the kids to sleep and come down just to check my emails, and then HOURS later, I force myself to go to bed... or I'll work on my cross-stitch, or read a book, and then hours pass and it's the middle of the night, and while I'm certainly enjoying my time alone, I simply force myself to be reasonable and get a decent amount of sleep. It's really quite a comical pattern, but I do see how it causes myself unnecessary grief. (People who have a sense of direction in life, who know how to prioritize well, are laughing themselves silly at my self-description, but it's honestly true.) Anyways just this moment I realized I'm trying to place an online classified ad on the other tab and it's taking AGES because I'm droning on and on here about how I can't seem to prioritize my time well. LMAO It's really really funny. Thank GOD nobody's life depends on me being more on the ball. My kids are relatively clean, they sleep when they're tired and eat when they're hungry, and are developing well, and I give them my full attention at different times during the day, so I *think* all is good (isn't it?!).
I'm going to go and feel flaky, and maybe even get bedtime going. Oh, but wait - I have to volunteer at 10 tomorrow morning and I haven't got anything organized for that. YEESH. Good GRIEF. Maybe I'll just go and sit in meditation instead; let my mind calm down. ;) G'night.
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